The Unstoppable Force
by BDewitt
Summary: A Joniss version of the fun film "Imagine Me & You." Johanna Mason becomes friends with Katniss Everdeen after doing the flowers for her wedding. However it's clear that they've both been hit by the "unstoppable force." Is there really such a thing as love at first sight ...and what if someone else is there first? M for language/situations. Please enjoy and review!
1. The Wedding

My mother never spoke of love in the way you see in the movies. She never waxed poetic on finding a Prince Charming or never settling for someone you didn't love passionately. She didn't speak of love at all. She lived it.

My father was a working-class man from a lumber yard, my mother a debutante from the Capitol. They met as teenagers, fell madly in love over a summer, and spent every day together until he passed away. He died a few days shy of my twenty-first birthday, two semesters before I finished college when he was fifty. A heart attack caused by an enlarged heart and clogged arteries. My mother said it was because his heart was too full of love. I'd venture to say it was too full of fried chicken and cigarettes, but that thought is what got her through the last three years. Far be it for me to disrupt her dreams.

My own view on love has been shaded by my chosen occupation as a florist. An occupation I chose after getting my business degree. As my mother would say, "I can't stay clean for five minutes." I like dirt. I like making things grow. I'm a chump for beautiful things.

I've seen all kinds of love come in my corner store. The new love of lilies and daffodils, the old love of pansies and hydrangeas, the passionate love of roses. I've seen the desperation of men on their last leg with their wives, the sparkling newness of brides-to-be obsessing over colors and scents, and the depression of lonely hearts seeking to liven up their studio apartments. Something pretty to stare at as they tuck into their microwave dinner for one. You can be in love with your loneliness, too.

Weddings are by far my favorite thing in which perform my duties. I don't get requests to do them often, maybe twice a year, but I enjoy the pomp and circumstance of a well put together wedding. The cheesy stuff is kind of lost on me but I don't mind watching others enjoy it.

The Mellark-Everdeen wedding was a little strange. I never met the bride, oddly enough. The groom, an affable man around my age named Peeta Mellark, came into my shop looking for a small plant for his desk at work. One thing led to another and I was booked to do his wedding. Usually I'd ask for the bride's input as well - I've been on the receiving end of a few too many bridezillas before - but he seemed to in tune with the colors and shapes of flowers that I disregarded it.

As usual I arrived very early to decorate the church and the reception area. Churches kind of bum me out but I like placing the arrangements on the pews. Leaving my mark on the holy place that if they knew what I did on Saturday nights, would have me incinerated on the spot. I'm always surprised I don't burn upon entry each time. Peeta had chosen earthen tones, not the usual pink and purple and yellow. He liked orange and she liked green so it was a subdued wedding of whites, greens, crimson reds, and sunset orange.

My last duty before I excused myself for the ceremony was to present the bride with her bouquet. In lieu of some grand gesture I usually just left it on a table in her dressing area and took off. Sometimes I'd hang around the reception and drink, a few times I'd snag myself a drunk bridesmaid on the way out. Today, however, when I let myself into the dressing area, the bride was still in there. Alone.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," I apologized, my normally pale skin flushing an embarrassing shade of beet red. The bride was in a state of half-dress; the long zipper on the back of her dress was down to the top of her butt, exposing the muscled flesh of her back.

The brunette turned to me and gazed at me surprisingly with expressive gray eyes. I'm sure I've never seen that color before - like a pale blue storm cloud. "Oh it's okay. Wait, who are you?"

"I, uh, I'm your florist, Johanna Mason," I explained, stumbling over my words like a baby learning to walk. I have never been unable to talk to women but those storm cloud eyes rendered me completely useless. "I was here to give you your bouquet." I thrusted my hands toward her, practically shoving the bouquet into her hands. She removed them from the back of her dress and took the flowers from me.

"Thank you, Johanna Mason. They're lovely."

I smiled. "Thanks. Your husband has good taste." _In women and in flowers_. I cleared my throat. "Do you, um, want some help?"

"Yes," she practically groaned out. If only the church could hear the dirty thoughts that stampeded through my mind at the sexy husk of her voice. She faced her back to me. "I can't get this fucking zipper up for the life of me. My mother and my sister are off getting their make-up retouched and I'm in here trying to fit into this godforsaken dress."

An usually high-pitched giggle escaped my lips as I took the zipper in my hand. I braced myself with my other hand on the small of her back and out of my peripheral vision I saw her sneak a glance over her shoulder at me. Without thought I licked my lips and dragged the zipper up agonizingly slow. I allowed my wide brown eyes to drink in every subtle curve of her back muscles as they tensed beneath my touch.

Don't judge me. _She _is the one getting married, not me.

As I finished she turned around and faced me. I swear for a few moments I felt the earth cease to move. She was breathtakingly beautiful. Our eyes met shyly, as if she could read the horribly offensive thoughts I was having about her. It's in my genes to be impulsive, to react impulsively. My parents married within days of meeting each other; they loved each other instantly. That's what love should look like, I thought. I, too, was stricken with lust as our eyes met. As if she pulled back a bow and arrow and shot me in the heart like Cupid.

And for those few moments, it felt like she did. The loud opening of the door behind me startled me physically and I jumped several inches backward until my ass hit a nearby table. "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd have company, Katniss." An older woman, blonde hair and pale blue eyes, walked in behind me with a smaller girl almost identical to her in appearance. Just maybe forty years younger.

"Katniss," I murmured, but my voice was picked up by her. She looked at me with narrowed eyes. A smirk found its way on to my face. "Like the root." Her eyes rolled. With a peculiar name like Katniss I imagined a lifetime of being picked on and teased. I wanted to scoop her up and protect her from the bullies from her past. "You know what they say about katniss root, right? It's the sturdiest of all the roots. The world could get wiped out by plague, war, asteroids, but there will always be katniss. It's a fighter." Her cheeks dimpled slightly as she smiled.

Her little sister bounded passed me to be near Katniss, who looked down at her with a smile. "What do they say about primrose?" Katniss asked to my turned back. I whirled my attention to her. I grinned at her and she smiled back. Her two plaited braids fell over her shoulders, framing her oval, freckled face. For sisters they didn't look a damn thing alike. She reminded me more of Peeta, actually. Like a dandelion in the spring.

"Is that your name? Primrose?" The girl nodded eagerly. "That's a beautiful name." She smiled a toothy grin with one wide gap near the front. Was she still young enough to be losing teeth? Must be a change of life baby because Katniss looked to be around my age. "Well every flower has a message. The primrose means 'I can't live without you.'" With a mind of their own my eyes met Katniss's instead of little Prim's. We both blushed.

Her sparkling blue eyes lit up excitedly. "Do penguins have knees?"

My confused look made Katniss laugh, a beautiful laugh that rang in my ears. Mrs. Everdeen looked down at her and smiled fondly. These out of the blue questions must be typical. "Um, well yeah. It helps them to swim. You just can't see them because they always have so much fat and fur and the waddle like this." I imitated as best I could the waddle of a penguin, short of pulling my pants to my thighs like Dick Van Dyke in "Mary Poppins."

Despite being an only child I'm crazy good with kids. Primrose was no exception. "Can you sit with me at the wedding?"

The three of us shared awkward glances before I turned my attention back to Primrose. "Well I'm not coming to the wedding, kiddo. But I'll be at the reception so if you want to find me there you can, okay?" I looked back toward Katniss who was staring at me something fierce. Something about the way her eyes studied me made me feel both intimidated and exhilarated. Like I was back in high school staring at my first crush down the hallway.

"What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?"

"Oh for Heaven's sake Prim, please stop with all the questions," Mrs. Everdeen replied tiredly, crossing the room away from her daughter to examine the forgotten bouquet on the table nearby.

I knelt down toward Prim, tucking the tail of her shirt into her skirt as I spoke. "It can't happen. You see, if there's an unstoppable force then there can't possibly be something that can't move. They can't both exist. It never happens. The answer is that it's a trick question. A paradox." Prim seemed satisfied with my answer so I gave the other two Everdeen women a nod and went toward the door.

"Congratulations," I said as I walked backward. "You look beautiful."

As I did I leaned against the door and let out a long exhale. Was I really about to lust after a woman who was about to be married? Am I actually that foolish? And did I _really _think that this woman, about to be wed to a guy even _I _liked, was possibly looking at me the same way? That answer to both questions is a resounding, embarrassingly loud yes. I'm foolish and impulsive when it comes to love.

But very rarely am I wrong.

* * *

The reception was wonderful. Beautiful decorations that included my flowers, attractive bridesmaids and a killer band. As essentially one of the "help" I wandered around the outdoor dance area, trying to be useful but also trying my best to keep an eye on Katniss. Primrose had not found me; she was busy being danced to death by Peeta's best man, a devastatingly handsome man named Finnick Odair.

I found Katniss alone near the punch bowl, swirling the ladle around but never catching any liquid inside. I strode over to her, trying my best not to feel silly in my casual black slacks and white button-up blouse. Her wedding dress was stunning, the feathery fabric just barely scraping the ground as she walked. The corset bodice hugging her sides and accentuating what I imagined to be a phenomenal figure underneath.

"Whatcha doin'?" I asked in a playful tone. The look of outright horror and guilt on her face took me by surprise. I feigned seriousness. "Did you spike the punch?"

"I dropped my ring." I glanced at her quizzically and she grunted in frustration. "I dropped my ring in the punch bowl."

I couldn't help the stream of snickers that erupted from my mouth. "Well, I'm here to help, right? Cover me." I stood behind her, partially shrouded by her dress and rolled up my sleeve. I stuck my hand into the cold punch and felt around the crimson liquid for the small band of gold.

"You can't just stick your hand in - oh and okay you already did." Katniss sounded panicked and I couldn't help but grin as she tried to shield me from the rest of the wedding guests.

"Katniss Everdeen I thought white was the color of virgins. I think that you and I know Peeta a little better than that." I rolled my eyes at the voice. What a rude, gross thing to say to a woman on her wedding day.

"Oh Finnick. The old jokes really are the best, aren't they?"

"Well I just wanted to get some punch. I'm talking to a sweet redhead over there and I need to grease the wheels, so to speak." I heard him chew on something as I dipped my hand in the bowl again. "Have you tried the chocolate dipped strawberries? They're so sweet. I had to grab them."

Finally I fished the ring from what seemed like a never-ending punch bowl. I took Katniss's hand in mine and slowly slid the ring on her finger. I wiped my hand on my black pants and emerged from behind her. I watched the handsome man's sea-green eyes widen as he saw me. I barely prevented my eyes from rolling back into my head.

"The name's Finnick. I'm Peeta's best man. But you can call me whatever you'd like." His dimples went even deeper than Katniss's, but that was about it as far as depth was concerned for the vapid man.

Inwardly I groaned. "And I'm sure I will."

"This is Johanna Mason. She did the flowers."

"Did you? Well they're very nice. But if you don't mind." He squeezed in between us and poured himself a small glass of punch. "I have an A Little Mermaid fantasy that little redhead over there and I need to act out tonight." The blond man left us alone, singing a parody version of Under the Sea called "under the sheets" and Katniss turned to me.

"Thank you so much," she gushed, looking down at her ring. "How embarrassing."

"It was my pleasure, Katniss." The look she leveled at me - somewhere in the space between gratefulness and mystery - shook me. If I wasn't made of bones and skin I would have melted on the spot. Those gorgeous eyes and that dimpled grin, well, I was done in almost immediately. "It's, um, time for the speeches soon, yeah?"

I could see the trepidation emerge in her eyes. The collecting of cumulus clouds in an otherwise peaceful sky of blue. "Yes. I'm not good with speeches. Peeta's great. He's got a great way with words, but I'm shit at it."

I laughed, leaning my weight on the punch table behind us. Katniss did the same, albeit uncomfortably in her large dress. "Trust me, I've seen worse. I've seen brides literally vomit up there." Katniss stared at me hard then let out a loud laugh. "I'm serious! A real conservative wedding, too. She is all dolled up in this Princess Diana get-up that was just atrocious. White roses, everywhere," I added with disgust. "She goes to speak and just blech! All over her fine china. All over Mr. King of England. It was a riot."

"You're horrible! That must have been excruciating for her!" Katniss slapped me in jest on the arm and I smirked.

"She was dreadful, don't feel bad for her. Women use weddings as an excuse to act like animals. Feel bad for the poor waiter who had to clean that up." There was a small amount of clattering of crystal toward the front of the room as the band began to die down.

Katniss pulled in a loud breath. "Any last advice, wedding expert?"

I adjusted the pearl necklace on her breastplate, letting my fingers linger a little bit longer than absolutely necessary. "Speak from your heart." She gave me a droll look. "Okay, don't throw up, how's that?"

"Better." We shared another smile that I felt deep within all of my aortas and she went off toward the front of the room. I manuevered myself to the back row, standing near the exit. Normally I'd leave by now, especially since I was lusting after a very newly wed bride, but I wanted to hear her speak.

Finnick stood up first to toast to the new couple. "When I met Peeta, he was already head-up-his-ass in love with Katniss, but she had no idea. They didn't even know each other yet. There were a lot of nights of whoring and drug-using, only enjoyed by me. Peeta was somewhere painting or baking or doing something else he saw on Martha Stewart Living." He paused for laughs, of which there were many. "And finally he managed to convince Katniss that she wasn't going to do any better. And they've been insufferably boring every day since. So here's to Peeta and Katniss! May they spend the rest of their lives as they've spent the last four years - together and as boring as an old maid's lampshade!"

The guests raised a toast and drank to the new couple. Finnick handed the microphone to Peeta, who stood nervously. "Thank you, Finnick. Tonight's one of the many nights I will spend wondering how and why we are friends." He smiled affectionately at the man and turned to the crowd. "But he's not wrong. I've spent the better part of the last fifteen years in love with Katniss. Fortunately for me, she's spent the last four years in love with me, too. I consider myself the luckiest guy in the room tonight, no matter how many women Finnick manages to sleep with. And I'll continue being the luckiest man alive for as long as she keeps waking up beside me."

Katniss stood next, kissing Peeta on the cheek and taking the microphone from him. "Thank you all for coming. I, um, I'm going to make this short because I really, _really _want to eat some cake." Laughs spread throughout the room and I couldn't help but smile. She had no idea the way she could command a room. The way her easy smile and piercing eyes could put everyone under her spell. "I feel like I've known Peeta my whole life. We've been best friends since they day we met. People always say that fairy tales always have a rough passage at some point, but with Peeta and I, it's been smooth sailing. Maybe that's a better kind of fairy tale."

Everyone raised their glasses and toasted the couple, but I made my way out from underneath the outdoor patio and toward my car. What was I thinking, flirting with this girl? She was married to her best friend. They were going to spend their lives together in some quaint little house, pop out their 2.5 kids, and forget all about the lesbian florist they hired to do their flowers.

At best I'd be something they'd press between two pages of a book. A memento of the day they truly began their lives together.

But sometimes, life works out a little differently than you expect.

* * *

Author's Note: Hey all! SOOOO I can't stop writing Joniss so here's another fanfic I hope to finish. It won't be too long, I think. Leave some reviews and let me know what you think!


	2. The Dinner Party

I chose the corner location of my store not just because I like the street - cozy, trafficked on the weekend, old architecture - but also because it came with a small garden in the back. Most of my plants are imported from around the area, but a few of them I grow myself in the back. I enjoy feeling the heat of the sun on my back as I dig my fingernails into the soil around the bulbs.

The chime of the bell above my door rang as I continued working in the late afternoon sun. I wiped my hands together but as I stood I saw my friend Cressida come out the back door of the shop. "I knew you'd be in the dirt, Worm."

I rolled my eyes at her decade-old nickname for me and dropped back to my knees to continuing my gardening. Cressida and I had been friends since middle school. We didn't know it then, but I'm fairly certain the reason we bonded was because we were both gay but terribly closeted. We bonded over girl crushes, pined over unattainable straight girls, and then attended the same small liberal college and had our fill of women and then some.

She was currently working at a small television station as a producer, using her film degree for what it should be. I had majored in Business and Literature, using the former for my career and the latter for seducing women. You know that line from _Dead Poets Society_? "Language was developed for one endeavor, and that is to woo women." I'm paraphrasing but Robin Williams was right. A well-executed excerpt from Whitman sometimes sealed the deal for me.

"How'd the wedding go?" she asked in her bright English lilt, sitting down on the worn wooden bench outside the shop. She brushed a few paint flakes off the furniture and focused her sky blue eyes at me. I'd always found Cressida extremely attractive but for whatever reason we never got together. Every time she tried - and she tried a lot - I'd been dating someone else. Eventually we settled into a "this will never happen" friendship and it's been smooth sailing ever since.

I looked up at her, wiping sweat off my forehead with my arm. "Good, good. It went really good." Cressida knew me better than nearly anyone except for my mother, and her skeptical glance bore into me. I let out a sigh and pushed a rogue strand of hair up with the expelled breath. "The bride was fucking hot."

Cressida's lips moved into a smirk and she tilted her head at me. She ran her fingers through the right side of her hair, the other side having been shaved nearly bald. She had small vine tattoos on the shaven skin that glinted in the sunlight. Somehow she made it look feminine. "You fancied the bride? Trollop."

I tossed some dirt in her direction and she deflected it with ease. I sat back on to my butt in the grass, staring up into the faultless sky. "I am not a _trollop_. Nothing happened. I just thought she was cute." Cressida beckoned for me to continue so I did. "Okay I thought she was gorgeous."

"Brunette?" Cressida asked with a raised eyebrow.

I have a type. Katniss fit it to a 'T.' "Yes. Brunette, gray eyes, a little taller than me, cute dimples when she smiles." I gazed off wistfully as I brought the image of Katniss back into my mind. I wouldn't know any of the girls I slept with in college from a hole in the ground but Katniss I could pick out in a crowd of thousands, I was sure of it.

Cressida scoffed loudly, gesticulating wildly with her hands. "_I_ have cute dimples." She smirked to show them off in a grade-school effort to one up my crush. She poked her finger in the deep crevice she made and stared at me. While she was right, she too had some wonderful dimples that drove other girls crazy, it wasn't the same. My unimpressed look made her stop. "Fine, fine. So are you going to see her again?"

I laughed harder, snorting a little at her suggestions. "Yeah I'm gonna try to romance a straight woman who just got married. That'll be great." I stood up from the grass, wiping my hands off on my jeans. Cressida's phone chimed with a bright, tingling ring and she looked down at it sourly.

"Oh for fuck's sake. Idiots at the station can't wipe their own arse without me there handing them the toilet paper."

"Go on, Miss Exec Producer," I cooed mockingly, motioning toward the door. "Go use some confusing British slang and call someone a motherfucker without their knowledge."

I followed her back inside the shop as she flipped me off over her shoulder. "I'll just call them a motherfucker if that's what they are, _motherfucker_."

"Mm, you can try but it doesn't sound as threatening when it comes out of Mary Poppins' mouth." I stood behind my register and watched the leather-clad girl leave, swinging her hips and still giving me the middle finger.

"Fuck you, love you, call you later!" The motto of our friendship if there ever was one.

I sat on the stool behind the register, turning on the small radio next to me to fill the small room with some sound. The door chimed again and I stood up to greet the customer. An anxious looking fellow with wiry hair and a gaunt face. He wore a suit one size too big for him and flitted around the room, flower to flower, like an ADD hummingbird.

"Can I help you?"

"I need a last chance flower." I quirked my eyebrow at him. "A last chance flower. I fucked up and now this is my last chance to get her back." I nodded understandingly and began to look around the room for something appropriate.

"Roses?" I offered, picking out a few blood red roses from the bouquet. "Does she like roses?"

"No, no, that's all wrong," he replied quickly. As he barged outside to look at the warmer-weather flowers he nearly collided with a woman trying to enter. He muttered a quick "excuse me" at her and went back outside. As my eyes met the woman's I felt a smile that was unnaturally wide work its way on to my face.

"Hi!" I greeted with too much enthusiasm, shoving my hands in the pockets of my jeans. Katniss looked even more becoming in casual clothes than her wedding dress. A pair of svelte skinny jeans, a low-cut gray tank top that just about perfectly matched the gray of her eyes.

Her cheeks dimpled and I felt myself melt a little bit more. "Hey," she greeted. "Your shop is nice."

Why was I blushing? Johanna Mason did not blush. I have been stark naked in an elevator full of other people. I have done nude mud wrestling back in my drink-til-you-pass-out college days as an athlete. No part of my pale skin blushed that day. But now I looked like a virgin in a whorehouse. Or a whore in a church. "Thanks. What um, what are you doing here? Not that you're not welcome, you're obviously very welcome."

She smirked at me but was interrupted by the tapping of the glass outside. I narrowed my eyes at the intrusive man bustling about. "You! What's your favorite flower?"

Katniss was flustered for a moment but shrugged. "I guess I like lillies."

The man scrunched his nose in something akin to disgust. "No that's all wrong."

"Okay," she replied with an eye roll and she turned back to me completely.

Again before she could say anything the man briskly walked back in. I moved toward another flower. A bright pink one with tiny bulbs. "What about the Bouvardia?" He made an impatient gesture for me to continue. "Oh, um, it's named after Charles Bouvard, a famous chemist and the personal physician of King Louis the Thirteenth. It means enthusiasm." I caught Katniss staring at me before I turned my attention back to the man.

"Nope." He walked back out and Katniss and I exchanged bemused looks.

"I was wondering if you'd want to have dinner." I must have looked as off-kilter as I felt because she quickly continued. "With Peeta and I. And Finnick. Just as a thank you, you know, for doing our flowers and entertaining my sister at the wedding."

"And for my further discretion about you dropping a certain piece of jewelry into a bowl full of vodka-soaked punch?" Finally I made her blush and I smiled proudly.

"Yes," she said, clearing her throat. She looked so cute when she fidgeted. "Also for that."

"I'd love to," I agreed with what I hoped was a warm smile and not a creepy serial killer smile. Sometimes you think you're doing one and you're doing the other.

"Great! I'll have Peeta call you with the details." The anxious man came back in with an unsightly cactus in his hands. He handed me money and smiled.

"This is it!" Without further explanation he left the shop, leaving Katniss and I to chuckle quietly in his absence.

* * *

Something happens when your eyes meet someone whose soul you feel you can see. Something beyond what I could describe in words, more than what I could ever try to explain. You look in their eyes but you don't just see the color or the emotion, you see something like the visible electric current between you. When Katniss and Peeta opened the door, that's what I felt as she and I met eyes.

Like the world had stopped spinning on its axis and we were enveloped in our own personal bubble for just a moment. To break the awkward silence I jabbed the oversized bouquet of flowers I'd brought toward Peeta. "These are great, Johanna, thanks," he said with a smile. They were lillies. Yes, I was trying to needle in a little of the small amount of knowledge I had of Katniss.

They allowed me in and directed me toward their living room. The white walls were lined with paintings that didn't look exactly professional, even though they were well done. And of course a smattering of modern black frames with photos of Peeta and Katniss on various vacations. They looked so happy. "Come see our new sofa," Katniss said happily, scuffling down the small corridor toward their den.

"Our expensive new sofa," Peeta chimed in with a grimace.

I smirked. "Well you can't put a price on comfort. Beds, sofas, cars. You spend nearly all your life in those three places. Gotta make it count."

Katniss turned on her heel as we approached the couch. "You hear that, Peeta? A girl after my own heart."

_In more ways than one_ I thought as I smiled in the most friendly fashion I could muster at the moment. "Do you believe in reincarnation Johanna?" Peeta asked suddenly, a glint of humor in his pale blue eyes. "Katniss said she had the feeling that you had met before."

Suddenly the brunette looked down embarrassedly. It was the second time that week I had seen her blush. It sent a small thrill through me each time. "That's not exactly what I said, I -"

"I'd have remembered," I cut in with a smile. "If we had met before, in this life or another, I think I'd have remembered." _I'd have sought you out in every life._

There it was again. That live wire connecting us as our eyes met. For a fleeting moment I swear she could feel it too because her eyes moved to the flowers to escape it. "Why don't I get these in some water?" She took the bouquet from Peeta and took off toward the kitchen.

Once she scurried off I sat down with Peeta on their expensive (and yes, very comfortable) couch. He poured us some deep ruby red wine and handed me a cup. "So are those your paintings, or Katniss's?" I said, motioning around the room. Each of the paintings were of some natural wonder, painted with such vivid care and intricacy that I was duly impressed.

Peeta grinned. "Mine. The plan was to visit a few exotic places each year and paint something hidden. Like find a deserted cave or a waterfall that was tucked into a deep recess in a rainforest and paint there. This way if I got them all printed in a book, you could see one and want to travel there. I could describe what it looked like, the local culture..."

"Because you've been there?" I supplied, taking a sip of the wine.

He grimaced. "That was the plan. But then you know, Katniss. Life. _Work_." I didn't know exactly what Peeta did but it seemed rather business-y and official. One of the photos I had spotted on the mantle of their fireplace was one of Peeta in a suit shaking hands with an older man with a white rose in his lapel at some sort of ribbon-cutting ceremony.

"Someday," I encouraged with a tip of my wine glass.

"Maybe," he said, his voice sort of soft and faraway. The distance in his voice nearly reflecting the distance of he to his dreams. As much as I loved the way people looked in their passions, I was saddened by the look of people held back from them.

"What about you?" he said brightly, changing subjects. "Married? Ever been married, ever gonna be married?"

"No, no," I said with a dismissive wave of my hand. "Not exactly my bag, you know? I mean for a while there it wasn't even an option. But now the laws have changed so I can't entirely rule it out." Peeta looked extremely confused and I smirked. "I'm a lesbian."

"Oh," he said, nodding his head. I always felt I was fairly easy to spot as gay, but apparently not to straight men. "Oh," he repeated with more clarity. "Well done." Before we could sink any further into our awkward conversation the door buzzed above our heads. I heard Katniss shut off the running water and scamper toward the door. "Finnick is here."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

* * *

Dinner wasn't nearly as awkward as it could have been. Now that I sat there with them, I realized their true intention of inviting me over: to try and set me up with Finnick. First of all, even if I weren't gay, he would be far from my type. He's insufferably vain and clearly a rabid womanizer. In fact, I think that he might just be too much like me for us to be together.

"All right, let's address the elephant in the room," Finnick announced as he wiped his face with the cloth napkin. "How much better is the sex after marriage? Because when I've had sex with people who were married, they've said it was fantastic."

I chuckled and shook my head, watching the exchange from the rim of my wine glass. Katniss didn't look particularly amused. "Get wed and find out yourself."

Peeta scoffed loudly. "Oh please. Finnick couldn't get married. That would require commitment. He can only commit to magazine subscriptions and Netflix shows."

"I'm not a one-person person!" Finnick defended, leaning back in his chair. He spread his arms out. "There are a lot of gorgeous women out there and I'm trying to sleep with as many as I can."

Again I laughed into my wine cup. If I had been born with chiseled cheekbones and a penis, I might have been Mr. Finnick Odair. While I have had a few steady girlfriends in the past, I've been nowhere near a commitment, either. The opposite of the typical "U-Haul" lesbian. "That'll all change when you meet Mrs. Right," Katniss interjected wisely.

Finnick smirked. "And how do I know when that is, hm? Enlighten me, Mrs. Katnisss Everdeen Mellark."

Katniss rolled her eyes. "You don't know, not immediately." She looked over at Peeta with a fond smile. "You feel ...warm. And comfortable. And eventually you settle into something wonderful and you're like yeah. This is it. This is love."

Peeta rubbed the top of Katniss's hand affectionately. "I'm with her."

"Me too," Finnick chimed in.

As Peeta began clearing the plates I shook my head. "I disagree." They all stopped moving and looked at me, but my eyes never left hers. "I think you know immediately when you meet someone. The moment your eyes meet... And then everything that happens after that just proves that you were right in that first moment. The moment you realize that you had been incomplete... and now you are whole."

"I'm with her," Finnick piped up again. Peeta agreed.

"Right well now that we've got that sorted out. Who wants dessert?"

"Yes," I said toward the blonde man. Peeta went off toward the kitchen, leaving Katniss, Finnick and I sat around the large oak table.

"No."

I looked over at Katniss. "No?"

"No." She looked frustrated, almost angry. It's a little perverse to think of how it turned me on. "Because if you believe that. If you believe people know their soul mate in the first moment they meet then everyone who is without that... Anyone who didn't feel that immediate connection is settling for less."

I quirked my eyebrow but my smile didn't falter. "That's not what I'm saying."

"That kind of is."

"I think she said it a bit nicer." Finnick looked between us nervously, like a child at the dinner table when his parents are fighting. Katniss didn't back down from my stare. We held each other's gaze until Peeta placed a beautifully frosted cake on the table in front of us. "Peeta Betty Crocker Mellark what delicious treat do you have in store?" Finnick rubbed his hands together in anticipation and as he wiped to swipe some frosting Katniss slapped his hand away playfully.

* * *

After dessert I climbed their metal stairway up to their private concrete balcony. A small storm had brushed up so I sat underneath my umbrella and watched it fall. I always loved the rain. I loved the soothing sound, the pitter-patter of droplets as they hit the ground. I loved watching people huddle together to escape it, or the crazy ones who abandoned their shelters to catch raindrops on their tongues and faces.

I loved the smell. It reminded me of muddy days at the baseball diamond with my father, teaching me even in rain how to properly field a ball. My attention was ripped from the rooftops of the small city when I heard Katniss calling me from the door. "What are you doing out here?"

I turned my attention to her and smiled. "It's gorgeous!"

She laughed and shook her head. "It's raining." The semi-annoyed but concerned tone of her voice made me swing my legs over and make my way back toward the door. She shut the glass door behind me and looked out into the glistening city lights. "Peeta won't come up here. People say it's that subconscious fear you'll throw yourself off. He won't let me go near it either."

"L'appel du vide," I supplied and she turned to me with an inscrutable emotion on her face. "It's not exactly a fear. It's an instinct. Leftover from when we climbed trees. Your body sees the void and expects to be able to jump for it." Unable to meet her intense gaze anymore I looked back out at the city. "A lot of people are afraid to take risks. The animal part of you wants to jump, but the more rational part of you says no."

"But not you," she said softly. I turned to her. "You're not afraid to jump."

"No, not me. I guess I never evolved." If there had been a more perfect moment for a kiss I couldn't have written it myself. The uncertainty in her eyes was emboldening me with power. Her body was somewhat leaned into mine. But instead we both jumped when we heard Peeta calling from below us like caught schoolchildren.

"Finnick either wants to play Strip Poker or Strip Finnick and I really want him to go home."

* * *

Chivalrously Finnick offered to drive me home. As we drove in his fancy sea green sports car down the streets I stared out the window. "Take the next left," I instructed in a small voice.

"Or how about we just go back to my place?" He was as persistent as he was sensuous but unfortunately both of those things fell as flat as cardboard for me.

I snickered. "Or just take the next left."

He followed my instructions and took the following left on to the highway that led back toward my house. "Is there something wrong?"

"Why? Because I don't want to sleep with you?"

He looked over at my smirking face and smiled. "No, you're welcome not to sleep with me. You just look extremely bored with my company."

I let out a sigh as the city whizzed by us. He was right. "I'm sorry, you're right." I rubbed my forehead with the tips of my fingers. "Have you ever ...liked someone.. but there was someone else already there?"

He shrugged. "Well yeah. The hot ones are always taken."

"And? What do you do?"

I don't know why I was soliciting advice from a man who claimed the birds and the bees were taught about him, but I was. "I sleep with them anyway." I laughed in disbelief and he looked over at me. "What? Their partner is their problem."

"You know, this one time I slept with a girl -"

Finnick looked over at me with wide eyes. "Spare Uncle Finnick no details."

I slapped his arm and continued. "I slept with this girl. I didn't know she had a girlfriend already. It was college and I was ...stupid and impulsive. But when I saw them later on; how broken that other girl looked. I couldn't mess with another couple." I inwardly winced at the memory. The two girls crying in the middle of campus because of something I did on a whim. Unless I've been wronged, I don't like to cause other people unnecessary amounts of pain. "You don't want to cause that pain. You just admit that it can't happen and hook up with someone available instead."

His car stopped outside my door and he grinned at me. "Well, we're here so why don't we?" I unlocked my door and got out, walking around the hood of the car and Finnick stepped out and called to me over the top. "I'm so good in bed, though!"

"Good night, Finnick!" I called with a wave, letting myself into my apartment and leaving the childish horn dog out on the street. His conversation didn't give me any real clarity, but it gave me perspective. If I didn't pursue her, then I wasn't in the wrong, right? If she were to come to me... well then maybe I could live with that guilt.

Of course, I was only fooling myself. I'd have gone to their house and taken her by force if I thought she was interested in me. Unfortunately, I don't know if she is. I don't know I'll ever find out.

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you guys for the feedback! I adore this movie so I'm having fun reinterpreting it for Joniss. Obviously I'll be making slight changes. I hope you guys enjoy and as always let me know what you think!


	3. The Date

Author's Note: Thank you for your reviews! I finally finished Faking It so I can work on finishing this as well. Enjoy!

* * *

I'm not sure how many times Mrs. Everdeen apologized to me as I approached the small auditorium. Since meeting Primrose at Katniss's wedding she had been in near constant contact with me. Living in her much older sister's shadow I suppose nobody took the time to really entertain all her questions. I didn't mind though. I always wanted a little brother or sister so Prim, much belatedly, filled that void.

She invited me to her dance recital a month or so after I ate dinner with the Mellarks. I saw Finnick in between for drinks, but hadn't seen any of Katniss until we met at the school. It was unseasonably cold for late September, so I was wrapped in a denim jacket and a loose scarf. Katniss was wearing a muted orange-brown leather jacket with a loose-knit gray scarf over her shoulder. Her hair was down in the same braid she had worn for her wedding hanging over the other shoulder. Her face was nearly free of make-up, exposing a few freckles on her cheekbones and otherwise flawless olive-toned skin.

Her eyes flashed a few emotions as she took me in: surprised, elated, and confused. Mrs. Everdeen cut in. "Your sister has been calling Johanna non-stop for weeks." It wasn't entirely untrue. Prim had gotten my number from someone and had asked me to hang out with her a few times. In fact she showed up at my shop at least four times a week after school to bombard me with existential questions that I could answer, and easy math questions I could not.

"I'm sorry." Katniss looked apologetically toward me.

"It's no bother, really," I interjected with a smile. "Prim's really smart. I feel like I'm hanging out with an intellectual equal." Katniss chuckled and I pretended to glare at her. "I'm not sure if that speaks less of me or more of her but either way." I shrugged and opened the door to the gymnasium to allow them both to walk in. Not at all so I could give myself a few of Katniss's rear.

We found our seats somewhere in the middle of the auditorium, crushed between large adults with jackets too big for the weather. Katniss sat in between her mother and me. The pamphlet we were handed indicated the show would run about three hours long. As if she read my mind Katniss let out a tiny yawn. Mrs. Everdeen quirked an eyebrow at her. "Up late, I see? Working on my grandchildren?"

I coughed loudly into a closed fist, out of both shock and embarrassment for Katniss and disgust for myself. Katniss's cheeks flushed a deep crimson and she swatted her mother with the pamphlet. "No, mother, but thank you for bringing up my sex life at your daughter's recital. That's great. I'm sure Johanna really wanted to know."

I made an awkward face and Katniss chuckled. Mrs. Everdeen bristled and adjusted herself in the fold-out metal chair. "I don't see any harm in asking. One wants to see them while one's still young." The lights began to dim, thankfully, and the large canvas curtain split to show a tiny row of slim little girls in pale periwinkle tutus and the strains of _Coppélia _began to play. I'm not exactly a big fan of opera or ballets but seeing the little girls so dutifully performing their orchestrations was adorable. I withdrew my camera from my bag and began snapping photos of Prim as she fluttered across the stage with minimal amounts of grace. Aside from growing flowers, my other major hobby was photography. I'm sort of obnoxious because I hate digital cameras, so I'm constantly annoying my travel companions and subjects by using analog cameras and stopping every thirty minutes to change film.

I took pictures for about an hour. Then it started being less adorable and more intolerable to sit in the stifling hot gym. They had massively overcompensated for the chill outside by cranking up the heat.

Somewhere after the first act I had casually slung my arm across the back of Katniss's chair. Somewhere in the second act I had begun unconsciously twirling a stray piece of her braid in my fingers. In the third act Katniss was fast asleep in the crook of my shoulder. I'm positive Mrs. Everdeen noticed but didn't say anything. I sure as hell wasn't going to move. When I shifted even slightly she let out a tiny whimper like a newborn kitten and reached her hand up to grab a fistful of the front of my shirt.

It was the damned cutest thing anyone has ever done and I'm in _deep_ trouble with this girl.

As the last act droned on I began to get lost in a harmless daydream in which Prim was our child. That we were her mothers, exhausted from our second baby at home with the sitter. That this cuddling she was doing - which is _exactly _what this was - was something leftover from our days before our kids. That I'd relish the closeness of her that we were denied with a screaming infant at home. I imagined dropping a kiss on her forehead and feeling her murmur something unintelligible and hold me closer.

The loud clapping when the girls took a bow jolted Katniss from her slumber and me from my daydream. Before she could become too horrified I smirked. "You didn't miss much," I whispered into her ear and I could have sworn I felt her shudder. She smiled embarrassedly and checked my jacket, seemingly looking for saliva. There wasn't any. She's an outrageously cute sleeper.

Her eyes were still down to the floor as she put on her jacket in between claps for Prim. "I'm sorry I just, like, slept _on _you. I've just been working really late and everything. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I said, standing from my seat and putting my jacket as well. "You're a cute sleeper." I think we both held the same expression: shock. I couldn't believe I said that out loud and neither could she. Then something else drifted into her eyes. Something like ...relief. I was sure I was interpreting that expression wrong.

"I don't think you'd feel the same if you slept with me." Aghast gray eyes met mine and I'm sure I was wearing a ridiculous grin on my face. She backpedaled quickly. "I just, um, I mean, I toss and turn a lot. I keep Peeta up at night."

Prim found us easily through the waning crowd as I stood behind Katniss, waiting to exit. "I don't think I'd mind," I said from behind as Prim squirmed through her mother's arms and went directly to me, tossing her skinny limbs around my waist. I met Katniss's gaze for just a brief moment before I knelt down to give Prim a proper hug. "You were great, little doe."

"Did you see my solo?" In truth I hadn't because I was watching Katniss sleep but I nodded. Prim beamed. "Are you coming with us to get ice cream?"

I wanted nothing more than to see more of Katniss so I nodded. "If it's okay with your mom and your sister. I don't want to be drag."

"A drag?" Mrs. Everdeen asked as we exited the school and hit the somewhat cold air outside. "You are the only person who can make any sense of Prim," she teased lovingly, patting the top of Prim's platinum blonde head.

* * *

We ate our ice cream all together at a local shop. It was practically deserted because of the colder weather outside so we engaged ourselves (or Prim engaged me) in conversation. She also enjoyed mugging for my camera. When I changed rolls I turned to my left to show her how to do it. "Okay now you spin this around until you don't feel any more tension."

Prim followed my instruction, handling the plastic camera with the care a little kid gives something they don't know the price of but thinks is expensive. Finally when the winder spun without any obstruction and she looked at me. "Good job! Okay now you slide this thing down here. It's called the rear door switch." Prim slid the plastic piece over and I opened the camera back. The black film was tightly wound to the right and I motioned for her to remove it. "And that's it!"

I loaded another roll of film into the camera as Prim watched. Once I was done I handed her the camera. She looked up at me with wide blue eyes. "Go ahead," I urged soothingly. "Take some pictures."

"I don't take good pictures," she lamented with a pout.

I smirked. "Not with that attitude you don't. Look all you do is point and shoot. Make sure you're being very still. Typically you want to see the picture like a tic tac toe board." I dipped my finger into the chocolate fudge on my ice cream and drew a three-by-three grid on my placemat. "Generally you want to make sure the subject of your photo isn't exactly in the center. Not that it's bad, but the picture sometimes comes out more interesting if it's in one of the other boxes."

And so began Prim's career as the Photographer of the Next Five Minutes. She took photos of me, of Mrs. Everdeen and a reluctant Katniss, of our ice cream, of the bright and neon Wurlitzer jukebox in the far corner of the shop.

She caught the eye of a young red-haired boy across the restaurant and within a few minutes Prim had dragged her mother over there to talk to the boy's mother. A very sly way to get herself to talk to the boy. I let her take the camera with her and I could see her explaining the inner workings of the camera to him. Smooth.

"You're really good with her," Katniss said as she dug for more chunks of peanut butter in her ice cream. "Do you want kids?"

I shrugged. "Maybe someday. I could see myself with a few. Only if they're brilliant like Prim though." Katniss laughed and I sat back in my booth, letting the tinkling sound of her laughter cascade over me. "I'm serious! That kid is smart. Smart kids ask a lot of questions. People always try to snuff out your curiosity and that's how you brain starts to deteriorate. I hope she never loses that."

Katniss licked her lips and then pursed then before she spoke to me. "You have a lot of theories on life and love for a mere florist," Katniss mused as she twirled her spoon inside the metal container.

I raised my eyebrow. "Excuse me? Are you insinuating that you thought I'd be dumb?"

"No," Katniss replied, not taking my bait and instead smiling warmly. "I'm just saying you have a lot of layers."

"Is that bad?"

"No," she replied again, looking down into her ice cream. "I think it's ..." Her voice waned as she briefly flickered her eyes up to mine, then back down to her evidently _very _interesting ice cream. "Interesting. I find you interesting."_  
_

"Hm." _Interesting_. She didn't seem exactly pleased with her choice of words but I shrugged it off. "Well I'm glad you find me _interesting_. I find you _interesting _as well, Katniss Everdeen Mellark." I also find you _attractive_, and _funny_, and _possibly someone I'd want to date_. But I kept that to myself.

A rosy color came to her cheeks as she looked over toward Primrose and her mother. "I don't think so. I'm not really the interesting one in the family." There was a story behind her tone, I could feel it. Maybe not a story, but a life. A way of thinking. You know that feeling of when you're talking about something you really love and you apologize because you think you're boring someone? Because somewhere in your life, someone didn't want to hear you? So now you assume no one does? That's what it sounded like. Resignation.

"I disagree. I think you're fascinating."

Katniss bit the inside of her lip. "Fascinating _and_ a cute sleeper, huh?"

For the first time she was volleying my flirting back to me. I tried to swallow down my surprise. "Don't get too big of an ego. We disagree on one of the most important parts of life, you know." She knitted her eyebrows. "Love."

Katniss chuckled and raised her hands. "Right, right. Because you're waiting for that big spark, yeah? Waiting for that perfect lightning strike?" Her teasing tone muted into a more serious one as her eyes bored into mine. "Waiting for that person with the eyes that make you feel whole."

Without really thinking I reached my hand forward and lightly brushed my fingertips against the tops of Katniss's nails. She didn't pull away. The moment felt like glass. "Is that such a bad thing? Wholeness?"

If my ice cream wasn't already melting because of how long it had been sitting untouched in my cup it would have melted under the stare Katniss was giving me. "Have you ever felt it before?"

I was slightly taken aback by her question but I didn't move. I kept slowly grazing the tops of my fingers against her hand. My eyes darted down to the point of contact between us before I looked back up at her. "Once."

"What did you do?"

She was pushing me. We both knew it. "Nothing. I couldn't do anything. There was already somebody else." I sighed, retreating my hand back into my lap. "I don't think you mess with other couples. You don't cause that pain, ever."

Prim bounded back toward us as Katniss and I made unrelenting eye contact. She thrust the pastel-colored camera toward me. "I didn't use all the film. Will you develop it for me? Can I see the pictures?"

I laughed and nodded. "Sure thing Prim. I'll develop them over the weekend and show you sometime next week, okay?" When I looked back toward Katniss she was looked deeply engrossed in her cell phone and I nodded a little and heaved a sigh. Moment gone. Never to return.

* * *

Cressida hopped up on the metal bar that went across the back wheels of the shopping cart and began zooming down the aisle. I threw a bag of cereal into the cart like I was making a three-point shot in basketball. I missed and it went crashing onto the tile. "Cress, seriously, stop riding the shopping cart. You're making me miss all my game-winning shots."

The blonde girl shrugged. "Looks like you're not winning the game then, are you love?" She stuck her tongue out at me. "And it's called a trolley."

I growled as her as we turned to the frozen aisle. "Trolleys exist in England and San Fransisco. Not in grocery stores."

"You Americans have to have a million different words for everything. 'Oh I live in Illinois, soda is called pop. Oh, I live in New York it's called a hoagie.' Wankers."

I pretended to be embarrassed on behalf of all Americans. "American English makes sense. All you people do is create the most fanciful words for everything you can." I reached inside one of the frosted doors and withdrew a bright yellow box. "Now what's this called?"

Cressida frowned. "Ice lollies."

I tilted my head to the side. "Now when you said that, did you not feel the least bit silly? Lollies?" I drew out the next word. "_Popsicle_."

Cressida looked aghast. "Popsicle? What kind of word is that? Like an icicle but make of soda pop? That's a _fruit _ice lolly. What 'pops' in it?"

"And apartments aren't _flats_. What's flat about an apartment?"

"Um, the walls? The ceiling? The fucking roof?"

I tossed the box back inside the door and shook my head. "You're nuts." I perused the various boxed meals until our cart nearly collided with another. I was about to apologize when I met the gray eyes of the other girl. And then slowly, the blue eyes of the man next to her. "Well hi."

"Hi," Katniss greeted softly, ever so slightly edging closer to Peeta. What did she think I was going to do, jump her right there in the frozen section? Her eyes settled on Cressida who looked between us.

"Peeta, this is Cressida."

Peeta nodded. "Cressida."

"Peeta."

"And this is Katniss."

"Katniss."

There was a slight twinge as Katniss looked over Cressida. "Cressida."

"Doing some shopping?" I asked stupidly.

Peeta nodded. "Yep. You as well, I see?"

"Yep." I paused. "Well, enjoy it. And we should definitely do dinner again."

"Definitely," Peeta and Katniss agreed in unison.

"Okay. Well. Have a nice rest of your shopping. Don't get too cold." I gave a motion to the freezer doors and then turned on my heel before my face could melt into extreme embarrassment. Cressida and I quickly rounded the corner. "Are you going out tonight? Because I was thinking of coming with."

"Whoa there pussycat, what the hell was that back there?" I looked anywhere but the steely blue eyes of the blonde girl next to me as I pretended to be interested in the bargain bin at the end of the aisle near the registers. "You were so awkward." When I didn't answer she let out a loud gasp that I'm sure they heard twenty parking spots outside the door. "That's the girl!" she whispered excitedly. "That's her!"

I frowned and leaned over the cart, putting my head on my arms. "Yes, that's her."

"Oh my GOD Johanna she's so heterosexual! Not just like regular heterosexual, like _Barbie _heterosexual." I punched her lightly in the arm as we turned down another aisle and again came cart-to-cart with the Mellark family. "Well hey! We were just talking about you."

"Us too!" Peeta agreed. A weird pause. "Cressida are you gay?"

Katniss looked horrified. Cressida looked at me and then broke out into a huge grin. "Am I _gay_? I'm ecstatic!"

"And are you two?" he trailed off, motioning between us with a wooden spoon.

"No," I replied quickly.

Cressida heaved a melodramatic sigh. "Sadly no. I have tried and tried but she loves another." She gave me a big squeeze and kissed my cheek to which I rolled my eyes. She was enjoying this embarrassment far too much and I vowed to make sure to return the favor as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

"Great well. I will see you guys another time. Give me a call." Quickly I grabbed my cart and swung it in the opposite direction, heading down the aisle down the registers. "I really, truly hate you."

"No you don't," Cressida reminded gently, wrapping her arm around mine. "You love me. Just not as much as you fancy Barbie Katniss. And her subpar dimples."

* * *

"I'm just going to add some lilac in here for color." I tied a bouquet together for a short, ethereal looking redheaded woman who had walked into my shop a few minutes earlier. Sundays were usually my busy day as the shops were open and most people were off from work. Today had lived up to that expectation, but at the moment only the one woman was in my shop.

"That looks great," she said in a voice as soft as her skin looked. "I'm going to tell my boyfriend we're having a baby."

I smiled at her. "That's wonderful. Congratulations."

"Thank you." As I went around the register begin ringing her up, I could hear sniffles. "He's um, he's going to hate me." Slowly her small trickles of cries came out into full-blown sobs. She raced around the register and threw her arms around me, soaking my t-shirt in the onslaught of her tears. If I was a pious person I would have thanked God when my phone rang and I could detach myself from this emotional girl.

"Mason's," I greeted.

"Johanna!" The chipper voice came through the line and I smiled as I placed it. Peeta. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Peeta. How're you?"

"Fantastic. Listen I have a favor to ask of you. And you can't say no. Katniss and I had signed up to take an archery class tomorrow and I have to work overtime. My boss is being a real tyrant. His name is Snow and you know what we call it when we demands overtime? Being _snowed in_."

I chuckled and shook my head. Office humor. Always funnier inside a cubicle. "I don't think I'm any good at archery."

Peeta groaned. "Neither am I, I'm dreadful. Couldn't do it in gym classes. I don't know if Katniss would be any good but you'll take her, yeah?"

"Sure," I agreed, holding the receiver of the phone as the woman in front of me let out a wail and continued to cry. "Just text me with the details, okay?"

"Great, it's a date! Thank you Johanna."

* * *

When I was a child my dad used to take me down to the lumber yards near where I grew up. I'd pal around with hulking men three times my age and they taught me how to swing an ax. I got really good at it, too. I could twirl an ax over my head and hit a target several yards away; a skill I've used exactly zero times. Unfortunately that useless talent did not translate into being good at archery.

Katniss was a natural. As we stood on the big field with about four other couples, she was extremely adept at shooting the bulls-eye from nearly any distance. When it came my turn to try again I stood firm. I drew the arrow back on the bow and aimed down my sight. Couldn't be too hard, right? Somewhere in my family lineage I must be descended from _someone _who could shoot a bow and arrow.

Evidently not. The arrows soared so far off target I think I might have hit a passing car on the highway that edged the field we were standing in. "You're overthinking it." I glared at Katniss. A few hours in an archery range and suddenly she was some kind of expert. Unrelated, I don't take direction well.

"I'm not overthinking it. It's really fucking simple. Just point and shoot."

Katniss rolled her eyes as I loaded the bow with another arrow. I stretched it out as taut as I could and leveled my aim. I let go of the bow's string and the arrow did a wonderful flip and landed with a thud in front of my feet on the grass. "Do you want me to show you?"

"I feel like you're going to show me anyway so go ahead, Legolas." Katniss stepped around my side and picked up the arrow. "Okay, load the arrow on the bow. You got that part down perfect." I glared at her but followed her directions. Then she slid her arms around my body, mimicking my position with her own. Her forearm against mine, bent at the elbow. She nudged my elbow upward with hers. Her body pressed against mine she slid her other hand down the length of my left arm and wrapped her hand around my fist. She was so warm. Her breath bounced off my ear. "Now aim just a bit higher than the bulls-eye." My body was shaking just a little but I did as I was told. "Don't think about it too much. Just do what feels natural. Like nothing exists but you and your target and you're _confident _you're going to take it down. Shoot."

The arrow flew and pierced the target a few rings above the bulls-eye. It was the first time all afternoon that I had hit anything but the grass and the sky. I went for a high-five but Katniss hugged me around my middle in congratulations. She was still warm. Suddenly, I was warm too. Her eyes looked up at me and she backed away.

"Sorry."

"Don't be," I said with a grin. "I deserved that hug. That's the best shot I've gotten all day."

* * *

We spent the rest of the day wandering a nearby park, then settled an an outdoor cafe for dinner. We talked about her growing up in the sticks, her own father's untimely death when she was about seventeen just after Prim was born, and her long-lost best friend Gale whom she hadn't seen since he joined the army right after high school.

I had forgotten what it was like to be out on a real date. Not that this was anything like a real date, considering she was married and straight, but it was close. I was right, she _was_ fascinating. She was fascinating and I was rapidly falling in love with her. That last part was a problem. Every time she opened her mouth something lovely came out and tugged at my heart. Her jokes, her stories, her self-deprecating humor. I guess it wasn't enough that I was attracted to her physically, I had to be attracted to her soul as well.

After a decadent dessert we walked back toward my apartment and she began quizzing me about different flower originations. "Tell me about the lilies," she demanded with a grin on her face.

I smirked. "You don't want to know about the lilies."

"Yes I do, they're my favorite."

We crossed the street toward the wrought iron gate to my apartment building and I turned around to come to face the other girl. Her face was flushed from the cold of the day. The tip of her nose was bright red. It was adorable. I was in trouble. "The lilies mean 'I dare you to love me.'" Her teasing expression grew serious. That's what I was afraid of. I smiled weakly at her. "Thanks for tonight. I had a great time. It was my birthday."

"Really?" Katniss's hues went wide. "Why didn't you say? We could have gone somewhere cheesy where they sing you a song and bring you cake!"

I laughed and hugged my arms across my abdomen. "That's exactly why I didn't say. But really, thanks. I haven't had this much fun in a long while."

"Me either."

There it was again. That electric current. That perfect moment to kiss. My stomach flipped. My lips ached. Katniss leaned in closer to me, so close that I could feel the breeze of her unsteady breathing against my nose and lips. Her eyes closed.

And nothing happened. A car, a stupid car that I wish I could have blown up with my eyes, drove by and ruined the moment. Or maybe she wasn't going to kiss me. Maybe she lost her nerve or found her senses. Either way she backed away from me. It was so awkward I couldn't decide whether I wanted to kiss her or slap her. Instead I waved.

I fucking _waved_. "Well, good night." I backed up until my back hit the iron of my gate and I turned around, opening it and shutting it behind me. Shutting her behind me. For the first time since we met, I honestly thought she might feel something toward me. But what could we do? She was married. She wasn't even gay, as far as I knew.

I needed to get a grip. I wasn't some horned up teenaged girl, I'm a grown-ass woman. I needed to settle my emotions and tuck those feelings for her way down inside. Then maybe we might have a shot at being friends.

Somehow, deep in the recesses of my heart and my mind, I knew. We could never just be friends. The unstoppable force doesn't discriminate for what's _right_. It demands to be yielded to, whether you like it or not.


	4. The Kiss

Author's Note: I'm deviating from the plot of the movie a bit in this chapter. Upping the stakes, so to speak. Enjoy!

* * *

Since I had forgotten to develop Prim's film in my darkroom I agreed to attend her soccer game on a Saturday afternoon. I closed my shop early and headed over to the pitch a few blocks away. My university hoodie was pulled tightly around my body and I flipped the hood over my head to block out the wind. September wasn't usually this cold but fall was approaching with a vengeance. I scanned the crowd to find a familiar face (Katniss's, admittedly) but I came up empty. Instead I found the smiling, if not a bit apprehensive, blonde-and-blue-eyed visage of Mrs. Everdeen who waved me over.

Snaking my way through the crowd I came up beside her and took in her giant winter coat. I smiled to myself; some people just can't take the cold. The game was about twenty minutes underway and with no game play to speak of, I had no idea how the game was going. There was just a lot of shrill screaming. "What's the score?" I leaned in to ask Mrs. Everdeen.

"Oh hell if I know. They've scored so much. The keeper for Primrose's team is terrible." I chucked at her appraisal of the team and turned my head to observe the game. Prim was graceless when it came to dancing but she had a real gift for soccer. _"Football," _I could hear Cressida correcting me. We stood there in silence, breaking it only to encourage Prim or let out quiet disdain as they were scored against for a tenth time.

"Johanna, may I ask you a personal question?" From my limited experience with Mrs. Everdeen, it didn't seem like she asked much permission to ask something invasive. Inwardly I was dreading what question she could ask me. Something about Katniss? About Peeta? About Prim? Unfortunately my mind immediately went to the worst scenario: that she thought I was a bad influence on Prim because I'm gay.

I swallowed down my apprehension. "Of course."

"Do you have feelings for my daughter?" My eyes were dry I widened them so much as I slowly turned my head toward Mrs. Everdeen. She mistook my confusion and rolled her eyes. "Not Primrose, obviously. My other daughter. My married daughter."

While the judgement was pervasive in her voice it was overall not an accusation. Or at least it didn't feel like one. Women have a peculiar way of delivering vicious thorns nestled in a rose. I typically can sniff them out. My eyes returned to their normal size as I pushed my gaze back out on to the field. A few of the girls were screaming at the keeper on their team, and the coach had gone out to replace the poor girl with someone from the bench.

"I don't know." _Yes._

It was a nearly honest answer but not a satisfactory one. Mrs. Everdeen stared me down with the same blue eyes that looked up reverently at me in Primrose. "You don't know or you don't want to tell me?" The thin lips finally lifted in a smile. She lacked the cute dimples Katniss had, but the smile was similarly pretty nonetheless. "As a woman, a woman who used to be married to a wonderful man who was taken from me, I cannot stand to see a love-filled marriage ruined on an 'I don't know.' Peeta is an amazing man. He loves Katniss very much."

"I know," I replied softly, an edge in my tone that I didn't intend, but it was there. It seemed to amuse her. The small wrinkles around her eyes creased as she looked over at me.

"But as her mother, my only concern is Katniss's happiness." Mrs. Everdeen sighed, fixating her blue eyes on the field in front of us. Her breath expelled from her chest as she collected her thoughts. "When Katniss was small, she was always very dutiful. She adored her father and strove to keep him satisfied. When he passed away when she was a teenager, I was inconsolable. She tried and tried but she couldn't reach me. I didn't want to be reached."

Another sigh escaped her lips as we watched the soccer ball fly over our heads and out into the parking lot behind us. "And she changed. She became even more disciplined. She allowed herself no happiness. It was always 'do what's right, do what's needed.' Without being too revealing, I believe that Katniss's relationship is more of her filling a duty she thinks she owes me, or owes her father."

"That's not a very good reason to get married."

She nodded curtly. "Quite right. Marriage, at worst, is a contract between two people. At best, it's an oath between two hearts." She cleared her throat as she looked over at me. The whistle blew over our heads for halftime and I could already see Prim jogging toward us dejectedly. "What I'm trying to say, Johanna, is that a mother can sense things about her children that others cannot. When Katniss is with you, she's different. She's ...happy." Her blue eyes iced over as she took me by the arm. Her hands were calloused, but somewhat soft. I thought I remembered Katniss mentioning her mother having been a nurse. Those were healer's hands. "But please, do not force this choice on her. Let her decide."

* * *

I closed my shop on Mondays to allow myself a day for photography, errands, bookwork, etc., but today I forsook all of those things to spend a brisk fall day with Cressida. She had been badgering me since my (in her words) "near-miss" with Katniss two weeks ago so I finally met her for coffee to explain. But honestly there wasn't much to explain. I didn't know what happened.

Cressida heaved a sigh and tipped the coffee back into her mouth, shaking her head in disappointment. "You should have kissed her. You're such a twat."

My eyes nearly bulged from their sockets as Cressida mouthed off inside the quaint shop. Sometimes I truly think that she believes she can get away with using swear words in public because of her accent. "I am not. I'm sorry I respected her boundaries and her fucking _marriage_, Cress."

She blew me off with a wave of her hand. "Marriage _shmarriage_. She clearly wants you. And you're an absolute fool for her already so why not just fuck?"

I could see the startled look on the faces of the older couple to our left but I ignored them. I wasn't fazed by Cressida's dirty mouth but I was nearly always embarrassed by it. "You know how I feel about being a homewrecker." Cressida had been by my side during my time as the wedge between the two girls in college. She saw firsthand how destroyed I was at ruining their happiness. That's not who I am. Not who I ever wanted to be.

The blonde flipped her hair to the side, exposing the shaved part of her head and the green vines tattooed along her scalp. I always thought that the tattoo on her head was a way for her to keep people at a distance. People were frightened of her. When in reality, she was a huge softie and the vines were actually quite beautiful and feminine. It was part of her charm. "I understand, darling. But you deserve happiness too."

I leaned back into the uncomfortable wooden chair and shifted my weight. "Not at the expense of someone else." We sat in silence for another few moments, both of us keen on people-watching the patrons who bustled in and out of the bright cafe. Cressida's natural eye for people and their personalities as a producer made her very fond of silently watching people interact. I also enjoyed it when I had my camera, but I didn't have it on me. So instead I was bored and brooding.

"Well well," Cressida said, looking over my shoulder toward the front door. Her face brightened considerably and I responded with a set of narrowed brown eyes. That glint in her eye wasn't friendly, it was downright suspicious. Years of friendship had honed my perception of Cressida's cheeky, unpredictable side. "Katniss! Over here!" Her cheerful voice belied her devious intentions and I nearly choked on my coffee as I heard the click of boots come up behind me.

"Hi Cressida, Johanna," Katniss greeted in a chipper tone and a wide smile. Where does she get off being so goddamn beautiful all the time? Can she just, for once, look unkempt and unattractive? Give some some reprieve from my unrequited affection for her. "How are you?"

"We're excellent," Cressida answered for us both, either out of sympathy because of the dumfounded look on my face or because she was being a bitch. Oftentimes I really couldn't tell the difference. She pulled out her cell phone and flicked the home button. With a fake panic in her eyes she rose from the table in a hurry. "Look at the time. I have to be at a thing. A _large_ thing. You can take my seat, Katniss."

She hurriedly grabbed her coat and coffee and rushed out the door. Katniss stood next to the table, looking just as shocked and disoriented as I was. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before I finally stood up. "Go ahead and sit. I'll grab you a drink." It was a dominant move but just seeing the brown-haired beauty had struck me and I wanted to see more of her.

She nodded in agreement and sat in Cressida's vacated seat, her gray eyes fixed out the window. "An iced tea, please."

When I returned with the tea I smiled at her as I sat down. "How have you been? I didn't see you at Prim's game on Saturday." Which was probably a good thing, considering her mother had essentially told me it was okay to pursue a relationship. As long as I wasn't the one doing the pursuing. That might have turned out a bit awkward with Katniss present.

Her eyes moved away from me. As I finally caught them again I saw a little bit of pain there. "Yeah, I know. I saw Prim afterward but Peeta and I couldn't make it." You can always tell when someone is telling you something in outlines. Like her words were bubble letters, not filled in and floating around without purpose. Empty. "Thank you for going, though. Prim was really excited to see you. I think you might be her favorite person."

I wet my lips and smiled. "She's one of my favorite people, too. And I owed her one since I hadn't finished developing her pictures." I snickered as I removed the lid of my to-go cup and smiled down at my whipped topping. I sipped my espresso gingerly and as she looked up at me, whilst I normally was distracted by her eyes, I was distracted by how hard she was trying to stifle a laugh.

"You've got a little..." She trailed off, motioning to her face. I just raised my eyebrow at her and she rolled her eyes. She leaned across the table and swiped the whipped cream from off my nose slowly. I saw the brief jerk of her chest as her breath caught in her throat. Her hand lingered near my face as I got stuck in those thunderstorm eyes again. I don't know what came over me but with her finger near my mouth and her eyes boring into mine, I quickly darted my tongue out to lick the cream off her finger.

My libido raged like a teenaged boy as I saw her eyes go wide and a harsh breath escape her throat. A breath of surprise, a breath of desire. She allowed her finger to stay there for a few more beats before she quickly jerked her hand backward. Her tea toppled over and even though her reflexes are quick, a large portion of it cascaded on to her shirt and pants. Her cheeks crept up red with embarrassment as she got out of her seat quickly, but quietly.

I chuckled and handed her a few flimsy napkins that she tried to dab on her clothing to no avail. "Hey, my place is like two blocks away. If you want you can come by and dry off?" I suggested this as innocently as possible, but to deny my intention of spending more time with her would make me a real, dirty liar. She looked apprehensive so I tried to put on my best "comforting" face and voice. "It's really not a big deal. We're about the same size. And you can pick of Prim's prints that I finished."

Katniss nodded, still wordless. She put the lid back on her tea and followed me out of the cafe and into the cold dusk air. As I looked behind me I saw her shiver as her wet clothes hit the air. "Sorry I was such a spaz back there."

I shortened my stride so we were walking side-by-side. "Don't worry about it. Even perfectly put together girls like you are allowed to be a little messy." A jabbed her with my elbow gently and she took the teasing in stride. Again she didn't answer, either because she was embarrassed about the tea toppling over or because I licked her skin. Either way, this day off with Cressida had developed into something different. Something ...better?

I opened the door of my apartment and allowed Katniss inside. Closing the door behind us I tossed my keys on the table next to the threshold. I watched her as she took in all of my things. My apartment was on the small side. _Cozy, _as my realtor had described it. There was a small kitchen with old cabinets and a tiny island in the center with a butcher's block and a sink. Without any real separation it opened into a small dining area that was next to my balcony doors. My living room consisted of a small, green braided area rug that sat beneath a large brown couch and an even larger television. _  
_

Sat below the television were a few game consoles Cressida had brought over for the nights she was too drunk to go back to her apartment across town. Admittedly, I engaged in some of the first person shooters to release some aggression on hard days, but it was mostly her hobby. On my walls were a few framed photos of myself with my parents and a few of me and some friends from college.

Katniss smiled as she walked by the pictures, her fingers tracing along the sleek black edge of the modern frames. She stopped in front of a particular picture and her smile grew wider. "You threw the javelin?"

I crossed my arms over my chest as I came up behind her, peering at the photo she was looking at. It was my senior year of high school and I was out on the track, about to throw my javelin and come in second place in the competition. Man I was in better shape then. "Yeah. My dad taught me how to throw axes so I tried to channel that skill into something productive. Hence, javelin."

"Toss axes?" Her tone was light and amused, her eyes sparkling.

I nodded. "Yeah he worked in the lumber yards so the guys there had a lot of ax-throwing competitions. I was pretty good, too." Katniss turned around and faced me, and I only then realized how close in proximity we were. I could smell the mix of perfume and tea on her.

"You'll have to show me sometime." A ribbon of innuendo laced in her tone and I raised my eyebrow. Either this girl was interested in me or she was going for a gold medal in flirting. She'd win, hands down. "So where's your bathroom? I'd love to change out of this shirt. My pants are actually okay but my shirt is nearly frozen."

Shaking my head I dodged briefly into my bedroom to retrieve a shirt for her to wear. She was slim but a few inches taller than me so I made sure I found something long enough. I didn't want her to come out in a crop top and think I was some kind of pervert. Even though I was. I handed her the shirt and she looked it over and nodded in approval. It was one of my older baseball raglans from when I played softball in high school. "The bathroom is down the hall. I'll go in the dark room and get Prim's pictures together."

She looked surprised and paused. "The dark room is in your apartment?"

"I didn't need the second bedroom so I converted it into a dark room. My landlord doesn't know. He thinks I have a recluse roommate who never opens the door." Katniss laughed, shaking her head as she walked away into my bathroom. I pushed through the revolving door I had built in the doorway of the second bedroom. It allowed no light to leak in just in case I had to leave while I was developing.

Prim's photos were dry and finished so I began unclipping them from the laundry line toward the back of the room. In the pale red wash of the room I couldn't tell how they had come out fully, but they looked okay. I stopped on the one of Katniss. I hadn't realized when she took it, but Katniss was staring at me over the table when Prim took the photo.

My lips curled into a smile as I looked at her expression. She looked so carefree, so without the worry that usually plagued her beautiful features. I was deeply moved to be someone who could set her mind at ease. Even if nothing ever came about between us, I know that I have a special place in her heart. That might be all I get.

I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear the sweep of the revolving door behind me. Only when her footsteps carried closer to me did I turn around. I was about to speak but I couldn't. The way she was looking at me, combined with the sight of her wearing one of my shirts, rendered me speechless. It was like she was carrying me with her, against her chest. "Johanna..."

"Yes?" I was tight up against the drip sink that was against the wall underneath the photo line. My name sounded amazing coming from her mouth, especially like that. Low, with purpose. My traitorous body shuddered when I heard it.

"Johanna I don't know what to do. When I'm around you, I feel something I've never felt before." I swallowed down my surprise and nodded for her to continue. I didn't know we were going to do this here. Either acceptance or rejection. Here in my apartment. I thought about how close by my bed was, how I'd love to press her into my mattress and blanket her with kisses. _If this went well_. "But it's something I should not feel." _Fuck._

Her eyes lifted to mine and even in the extremely dim light of the room I could see the sadness. "I'm _married, _for God's sake. To a perfectly wonderful guy. A guy who'd do anything for me." Her arms crossed over her stomach as she looked around at some of the other photos still developing. "And it's not fair because I love him. I really do love him."

She stepped closer to me and I placed the photos in my hand on the edge of the sink next to us. I didn't know what was going to happen but I wanted to be prepared. "I love him... but I want you." The words left her mouth slowly, as if she were trying to keep them inside and they insisted on bursting forth. "I want you something crazy and...and are you going to help me here?" She placed her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrow at me. Despite the challenging look on her face, her eyes were desperate. "Kick me out or kiss me. _Do_ something, please."

"Katniss, I-" My words ceased as she closed the distance between us and crushed her lips against mine. My hands whipped up immediately to run through her silky brunette locks, pulling her down into a deeper kiss. My tongue massaged against hers in rhythm, the kiss growing hungrier as her hands wandered up my stomach, her fingers splaying out to touch as much of me as possible. She passed over my breasts briefly until she came up to my collar and wrapped her hands around it, tugging me closer to her.

My lungs burned and I pulled away from her, both of our breaths coming fast and furious. She allowed me almost no time to recuperate before she pressed her body full against mine and kissed me again. This time it was much slower, much more serious than before. Each slowly stroke of her tongue and pass of her lips feeling like the words we hadn't said. Or really, the worst _I _hadn't said. Never had a kiss felt so much like drowning. I took control of the kiss and spun us around, pressing her against the sink where I had just stood. I swallowed down a groan from her throat as her hands moved up my neck and threaded in my hair.

When I moved back from her she kissed my forehead, her face near mine as her gray eyes were still closed but her lips in a smile. Her ragged pants were like music to my ears as they bounced off my skin. But as deliriously wonderful as that moment was, it was just as confusing. "What does this mean?" I asked, afraid to break the moment but afraid to keep pushing forward with no destination.

"I don't know," came her honest reply. "I didn't really think about it. I just ..I wanted to taste your mouth." I expelled an aroused breath and I saw her eyes look at my lips. _Kiss me again_.

But she didn't. She reached behind herself and grabbed the photos, holding them in front of her. "Can I ...this is going to sound really bad, but can I have some time to think? I know I just threw myself at you but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. And I really, _really _want to kiss you again but I should probably ...not do that."

"I disagree on that last part but yeah, I think you're probably right." _No, you're wrong. Kiss me again and I'm never letting you leave. _She nodded her head and bit her lower lip. As her eyes dragged from the floor up to my face, she took a small step toward me, her head leaned down toward my face. My stomach flipped in anticipation of another embrace. Instead she pressed her lips against my cheek and gave me an apologetic smile.

"Thanks for letting me borrow your shirt. I promise I'll return it." She winked at me as she exited the darkroom, leaving me hot under the collar and alone in the room. I rested my butt against the developing table, drawing my fingers over my lips. I could still feel the tingle of her mouth against mine, taste the faint hint of mint from her tea.

I've never been kissed like that before. I never want to be kissed any other way again.

* * *

I adjusted the lens of my camera, snapping another photo of the new shipment of azaleas I had gotten. While I detested the use of a website, I did enjoy taking the photos of the new flowers and posting them on there. The door jangled behind me as I lined up another shot. "Just a minute."

"Take your time," the forlorn voice came from behind me. I knew that voice. I captured the photo and turned around to see the smiling face of Peeta Mellark. I tried to wipe the guilt that I knew must be in my eyes but I couldn't. Hopefully he wouldn't notice.

_I kissed your wife and I'll do it again and again until she's mine._

"What can I do for you?" I asked, pulling the camera strap over my head and placing it on the counter. I suddenly didn't know what to do with my hands. They got shoved in my pockets while I waited for him to answer. He had similar creases in his cheeks when he smiled like Mrs. Everdeen. Brighter blue eyes, though. Open and honest.

"Well I was hoping you could set me up with some flowers."

I nodded and motioned around awkwardly. "What kind? I just got in some beautiful azaleas."

Peeta admired them, rubbing the petals between his fingers. He had soft hands like I imagined all painters and pencil-pushers did. I have rougher hands from years of tossing axes and digging in the dirt. Katniss has very disparate taste in men and women. "These are beautiful and I may have to get them, too. But I was going to get something for Katniss. You know what she likes."

I coughed loudly and Peeta raised an eyebrow at me. "What? No, I don't, I don't um.."

He smiled at me and I thought of how he must have had his pick of women. Charming, self-effacing, smart, successful, funny. Not to mention pretty handsome, not that I was a good judge of a man's attractiveness. But I could see what Katniss saw in him. He took his time appreciating beauty. Like me, he had a weakness for beautiful things. But unlike me, he only admired them. I always lusted for them, needed to make them mine. "Lilies," he said, interrupting my inner monologue and my inept rambling. "She likes lilies."

"Right." I moved around inside the shop to put together a bouquet.

Peeta wandered around inside the small interior, seeming to admire my assortment of flowers. He cleared his throat and looked over at me as I arranged the bouquet within the light green wrapping. "You and Katniss been getting along? She said she saw you the other day."

Panic rose in my throat but I pushed it down and instead brought my eyes up to meet his guileless blues. "Yeah she's ...she's nice." _To look at, to talk to, to kiss, to feel._

"Ah, then maybe you don't mind doing me a favor?" I looked back up at him from the flowers. "I'm leaving for a business trip for a few days. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind taking my place for the time being?" I just about had a heart attack at his words before he clarified them. "Katniss doesn't like to be home alone. I figured maybe if you two had hit it off you wouldn't mind. I ran it by her and she seemed okay with it."

I was surprised to hear that. Her and I alone together for a week was probably a bad idea, she had to know that. I could barely be trusted with her in public, nevermind alone in her apartment. Surrounded by the smell of her and the memory of Peeta. "Oh. Um, I guess I could do that. Sure."

"She didn't um..." He blushed and scratched the back of his neck. "Did she say anything about me?" My movements stilled on the flowers, the noise of the paper coming to a screeching halt. The blond man looked at me embarrassedly and shook his mop of blond hair. "I don't want to put you in a spot. We've just been having ...small issues. And I don't know if it's just the settling in of marriage or if there's a real problem."

I didn't respond for a while and Peeta shrugged. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't want to make things awkward between you. I know you're friends." He reached his hand into his back pocket and withdrew his wallet. "How much for the flowers?"

"On the house," I replied in a low tone, my eyes downcast. Yeah, let me charge you for the make-up flowers over problems _I'm _causing. That'll sit well karmically.

"Thanks." He took the flowers from me and started toward the door. It had started to drizzle outside and I saw him look apprehensively toward it. I loved thunderstorms. Clearly he didn't feel the same. I imagine he liked to watch them from inside, whereas I liked to be out in them. "If you want to know what's bothering her, you should ask her. Not me."

He peered back at me over his shoulder and smiled sadly. "That's kind of you but... I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because what if there is?"

* * *

Peeta's flight left late Thursday afternoon, so I closed my shop that night and headed to my apartment to gather my things. I ignored Cressida's repeated text messages with various "adult activities" Katniss and I could partake in and instead packed my duffel bag. I grabbed a taxi to their apartment, wondering what exactly was ahead of me. A weekend of awkward silences? A weekend of girly activities that neither of us were invested in? What if she regretted kissing me and this was her apology weekend to make up for it?

It was none of those things.

I knocked on her door and as she opened it I smiled. "Hey Katniss," I greeted.

She said nothing. She took me by the jacket and practically tossed me inside the apartment. She spun me around and pinned me against the wall opposite the door. Her foot kicked back and slammed the door shut behind her as she crushed our lips together. My duffel bag hit the floor, unnoticed. Her lips were tenacious as she pulled my jacket off my shoulders and disregarded it as she did my bag.

"Hey Johanna," she said as her mouth left my lips in favor of dragging down my jawbone, leaving light pink strains from her lipstick and suckling on my neck. Her hands ran down the length of my henley-clad forearms until our fingers entwined. She then pulled them up and aggressively pinned them above my head. Every part of my skin felt aflame as she pressed the length of the trunk of her body against mine.

"Holy fuck." That was about the zenith of my vocabulary as her thigh pressed against my center. I tried to free my hands but she pushed them harder against the wall, holding me in place. Evidently I was not to move until she was done. Complaining was the _last _thing on my mind.

My words seemed to break her from her concentration of giving me a hickey on my neck and she slowly pulled away, giving me one last closed-mouth kiss. Her pretty eyes fluttered open as I tried to regain control of my breathing. My hands were still above my head, her face only a whisper from mine. "Is it okay that I did that?"

I smirked. "More than okay," I breathed out in the most coherent voice I could manage. She set my nerves on fire, this girl. A grin spread across her features as she let my hands go. I bent down and picked up my bag and my jacket, slinging the latter over my arm. It felt bizarre to be inside their apartment without Peeta. However his touch was everywhere. His paintings on the walls, the slight scent of cologne that hung in the air, the flour-stained apron that hung over one of their dining room chairs.

I felt like an intruder. Unfortunately for my moral compass, I was too drugged on Katniss's affection to really give a fuck. We walked up the stairs and passed their bedroom until we got to the guest bedroom. Katniss opened the door and allowed me in and I was greeted by the scent of fresh laundry. "I figured you would want your own room."

I tossed my bag down on the floor in front of the bed and turned to her with a smirk. "Did you now? That's correct. I'm not keen on spending the next few days in your marital bed."

Her gray eyes went to the floor, obviously feeling a pang of guilt about having practically tried to fuck me against the wall about two minutes ago. "If you're uncomfortable with this, I understand."

I threw my jacket on the bed and strode across the room toward her. With my finger I lifted her chin, even though she was already essentially looking down at me. "I'm comfortable with whatever you are. When you kissed me in my darkroom, I never got to say how I felt." I pushed some of her hair out of her face and cradled her jaw in my hand. "I'm crazy about you, too. I want you. Whatever you can give me... I want you."

If I could at least spend the weekend making her smile like I did in that moment, I would have been happy. But really, I wanted to spend the rest of my life making her smile like that. For now, just the weekend would have to suffice.


	5. The Weekend

Author's Note: Well I don't like to post spoilers ahead of a chapter but we all know what's coming and here it is. I changed the rating to M (which it should have been all along, I mean, c'mon. It's Joniss). So you've been warned, there's smut and fluff. The former I'm not so sure I can write well so let me know. Enjoy!

* * *

Because I can't possibly feel more guilty than I already do, we spent the night eating a decadent dessert Peeta had baked for us as we sat on their couch. In Katniss's defense of their purchase, the couch is absurdly comfortable. I don't know what it cost, but it was worth it. She curled into my body while we watched _Gladiator _which is one of my favorite films.

The famous "Are you not entertained?" scene played and I could hear Katniss scoffing under her breath and from beneath the blankets. I lifted the heavy knit blanket and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Why are you scoffing?"

"Because," she said, tucking the blanket under her chin and looking up at me, "he's being a little showy."

I chuckled and tossed a piece of popcorn at her, which she quickly found and popped in her mouth. "A little showy? He's fighting for his life! I can't even imagine that. Being put in some deadly arena and having to fight for your life? I think I'd be pretty angry, too. In fact I _know_ I would be. I'd wanna kill that fucker Commodus."

She removed her hand from underneath the blanket and placed it on my cheek, rubbing my cheekbone with her thumb. "I can't imagine you that angry. You're not very threatening, my pretty florist."

I bristled in offense and moved away from her slightly. "I'll have you know I can be _very _threatening. I'm pretty fierce when I have to be. I don't have many weaknesses."

Katniss chuckled again and shifted her weight so she was on her knees on the plush couch, facing me while I stared straight at the screen. "Mm, maybe, but you have at least one weakness," she sang to me in a teasing tone with a smug smirk plastered on her face. I quirked my eyebrow in a 'oh yeah?' manner and she nodded. Her lips found their way to the spot behind my earlobe and I took in a sharp breath. "Right here," she murmured against my skin. I shuddered hard and my heart began thumping loudly inside my chest.

"Okay," I breathed, tilting my neck so she could have better access in spite of my objections to her premise. "But that only applies to you."

Katniss pulled away from me and mirrored my raised eyebrow with one of her own. "Are you saying _I'm_ your weakness, Miss Mason?"

I grunted and pulled the blankets closer to me, staring hard at the screen. "Maybe. Shut up."

We settled back into the couch, with Katniss now completely on my body, her head resting on my shoulder. I could hear her breathing begin to even out and I smiled warmly at her. Having her fall asleep on me (again) almost made me forget about my raging libido until she brushed her lips against the skin of my ear and whispered.

"It's okay, Johanna. You're my weakness too."

* * *

After I woke her up Katniss and I retired to our separate bedrooms. Several hours later I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of whimpers coming from down the hallway. Momentarily dazed as to my location I glanced at the digital clock beside the bed - 3:04AM. I rubbed my eyes and slid out of bed, bare feet touching the plush carpet beneath. I adjusted my tank top so it touched the hem of my sleep shorts and I ventured out of the bedroom.

I followed the noises until I was outside of Katniss's bedroom door, hearing the rough shuffle of sheets and the quiet sobs of the girl inside. I opened the door as quietly as possible, trying not to flood the bedroom with the small hall light. "Katniss?" I whispered into the darkness. The movement and the crying didn't cease so I kept going.

It was heartbreaking to see her twisted in her bedsheets and whimpering like a child. I moved on intuition and went toward the bed. Slowly I lowered myself down and shifted underneath her blankets with her. Katniss was still wrestling with an invisible enemy as I deliberately wrapped my arms around her midsection and took her hands, forcing Katniss to hug her own stomach.

"Shhh," I cooed into Katniss's ear, placing a kiss in her hair. "You're safe Katniss. Everything's okay." My words and presence seemed to calm the other woman down and she finally settled into my touch. I relaxed my grip on Katniss's hands, but continued to hold her from behind, protecting her from whatever psychological demons were plaguing her dreams.

* * *

I awoke alone the next morning, again confused at my location. Groggily I remembered coming into Katniss's room last night and cuddling her until she fell into a restful sleep. I must have slept through Katniss's waking up because as I came to, I heard the squeak of a faucet turning off from the bathroom attached to the master bedroom I had been asleep in.

With a grimace I realized I was probably laying where Peeta usually slept, so I sat up in the bed and squinted at the clock. It was only around eight in the morning so I presumed Katniss hadn't been up that long. The bathroom door swung open and I smelled cherries and vanilla wafting into the room. I had to physically close my jaw when she emerged in her fluffy pink towel, tan legs exposed and her hair in curly ringlets over her shoulders.

She looked at me and paused. A faint blush emerged on her cheeks. "Sorry, I thought you'd still be asleep. Did I wake you last night?"

I shrugged. "It's okay. You _did_ warn me that you're a troublesome sleeper." Her blush increased at the memory of when she fell asleep on my shoulder as I crawled out of her bed and stretched my limbs. "And I _did_ say I didn't mind. And I didn't. Slept like a baby." I was acutely aware of her stare on me and I turned to her, running my fingers through my tousled hair. "So what's on the agenda for today?"

Katniss raised her eyebrow and placed a hand on her hip. "I thought _you _were the babysitter, Mason."

I bit against my lower lip and prepared a response, but seeing her in just a towel completely unnerved me. "I ...I can't think of anything with you standing there, looking like that in the towel and wet and... I'm gonna go change and you also ...please change." Katniss pouted and I turned from her, knowing fully well that if I stared at that adorable pout for one more second I'd give in and we'd _never_ leave this house.

I quirked my eyebrow as I turned around before I got to her door. "You know what? Wear something ...flexible." Her gray eyes widened and I left her in her room, confused but piqued.

* * *

"Johanna, I'm nervous."

"It's gonna be fine. Everyone's nervous the first time. But trust me, you'll want to do it again."

"What if I get hurt?"

"I won't let you get hurt."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Our faces were nearly touching, my arms snaked around her as tightly as I could. It had taken quite a bit of convincing to get her up on this bridge. But once she was up here and we were wrapped together after our lesson, I could see the delight in her eyes. Now that our feet were on the edge, helmets strapped to our heads and the instructor counting down, there was trepidation where there was also thrill.

She kicked a loose pebble from the stone bridge and watched it plummet into the coursing river below us. "Do you trust me?" I whispered against her mouth as I heard the man continue counting down from twelve.

Her eyes flickered to my mouth, briefly, then up to my eyes. "Yes." Her voice trembled slightly but her intention was clear.

"Good." I smirked as her eyes looked back down my lips. "Because you're going to need it." I pulled her close and we leapt off the side of the bridge and began our free-fall toward the river.

* * *

After bungee-jumping (which Katniss made me do three more times) we basically retired for the rest of the day, lazing around in her bed and binge-watching Netflix until we fell asleep in each other's arms. It was possibly the best day of my life. So far.

On Saturday we woke up early to have breakfast on the roof where she had tried to get me to come inside from during the ill-fated match-making dinner party. If you've never eaten breakfast while the sun was still rising and gotten to see the way the muted oranges reflect in the eyes of the person you love, you are missing out. Her hair looked like she was on fire, her eyes robbing the sun of its light and holding it there. What made her beauty so unbearable is how oblivious she is to it. She simply exists without pretense but her smile alone has the power to stop my heart.

I carried that feeling with me as we made our way to the large museum outside of town. Museums aren't exactly my cup of tea; I don't like to preside over dead things. Katniss, however, was enthralled. The halls of ancient pottery, classical paintings and knights in armor were making her giddy as a schoolgirl. She looked her arm through mine and guided me through her favorite sections.

She possessed a wealth of knowledge on almost all of the subjects. I was extremely impressed and, truth be told, a little turned on by her knowledge. "How did you come by all this information?" I asked after she was finished exuberantly describing an otherwise dull oil painting. Normally I would have passed it up but she somehow made it illuminate. The same way she made everything in my life illuminate.

She smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "I studied art history in school. Well, I minored in it."

An older couple stood next to us as Katniss described another painting to me. She went in detail about the choice in color, the strokes, the subject matter. I nodded as I listened, trying to absorb the knowledge she was passing on. The couple next to us watched as I got on my knee and tied Katniss's shoelace that had come undone during our walk.

I stood back up and she again slid her arm through mine as I put my hand in my coat pocket. The way they were staring at us made me uncomfortable. I just imagined being confronted about our being so affectionate in public. Unfortunately anywhere I went when I was with another girl I had to be mentally prepared to be spoken to about my gayness. I'm not sure what makes people feel like my affection for another girl is an advertisement to let me know how they feel about homosexuality or gay marriage, but they do anyway.

"You two make an adorable couple," the woman said finally, her wrinkled mouth breaking into a wide smile. I was flabbergasted by her comment and grappled with an answer.

"Oh, um, we're actually -"

"Thank you," Katniss interjected, pulling me closer to her. My eyes flashed briefly with surprise as I looked up at her but she was staring straight ahead at the couple.

"How long have you been together?" she asked, her arm looped with her husband's. Or the older man that I assumed was her husband.

Katniss and I shared a look before she responded. I was letting her take the lead because I was about to clear up the confusion. Katniss had other plans. "It seems like forever," she said with a smile.

The woman laughed and touched Katniss's free arm gingerly. "Oh it always does when you're with the person you love. Are you married?"

I stiffened next to Katniss but she seemed so calm. She was enjoying this little act we were putting on for these people. For me, it was yet another reminder that this wasn't real, no matter how much I wanted it to be. "Yes," she answered, and I was glad my left hand was stuffed in my pocket. Katniss's wedding band was present, as it always was, so we didn't look like liars.

"How wonderful!" the man said from beside her. "Our niece just had a big gay wedding a few weeks ago! It was lovely. They both looked beautiful. I'm sure you both looked beautiful as well."

I chuckled at his description of the "big gay wedding" but nodded in agreement. "I didn't think I would ever feel more in love than the moment I saw her in her dress," I confessed to them, finally joining in on Katniss's charade. Except from the look in her inquisitive gray eyes, she knew I wasn't lying. "But every day since then, I've fallen even deeper."

The woman smacked her husband in the arm. "Why don't you ever talk about me like that?"

"Because they have only just been married! I've been with you longer than some governments have been in place!" The woman huffed so the man placed a kiss on her cheek and that seemed to mollify her. "Any kids? We've got four kids and eight grandchildren."

"Yep," Katniss replied, giving me a playful pinch on the arm that really meant "don't rat me out" so I stayed quiet. "Twin boys."

Wow, our fantasy life was pretty full. The woman clapped her hands excitedly. "Oh twins! And two boys, my goodness. I'm surprised you had any time to come to the museum alone. What are their names?"

"James," I answered immediately. I smiled up at Katniss as her eyes welled slightly at the name. It was her father's name. We hadn't actually had a conversation about children but I figured she would want to honor him. By the look in her eyes, I was right. "James and Oliver." I don't know where Oliver came from; it's just a name I've always liked.

The man smiled, scratching the top of his white haired-head. "Those are great names. Strong names." He patted his wife on the arm. "We'll let you get back to the museum. Thank you for entertaining my wife's curiosity and for the lovely description of the painting. You do that very well, you know. You could make it a career." Katniss blushed and I nudged her a little with pride. "Have a good one."

The older couple eased their way back into the crowd and I looked up at Katniss. "Twin boys, hm?"

She grinned and kissed me on the cheek, turning us down the hallway toward another exhibit. "James and Oliver, hm?" she mocked, nudging me back. "I like those names."

* * *

A burst of orange and red sparkles illuminated the sky above the grassy field where Katniss and I were sitting. I can't remember exactly why there were fireworks in mid-September but the night was warmer than the last few days so we partook in the festivities. Generously sized and sinfully topped hot dogs, freshly popped popcorn and the sweet swirl of cotton candy on a stick were all inside our stomachs by the finale of the fireworks. I'm sure we're both going to be puking rainbow colors tonight but it's totally worth it.

We've settled in a little cove in the grass atop an old blanket from her apartment. In spite of my being slightly smaller, I have her sat in between my legs, my arms tucked under hers, hugging around her middle as we watch the fireworks explode over the lake in front of us. If I lean forward a little I can smell her hair, which smells like cherries. I moved her hair around in front of her, pressing my lips against the base of her neck. As the next bright white firework went off I saw the tiny raised hairs beneath her hairline and the goosebumps from the light brush of my lips. She shivered as I rested my chin in the spot where her neck met her shoulder and pecked a small kiss beneath her earlobe.

I found that not only is Katniss beautiful but she's also smart and well-read. She possesses a similar self-deprecating humor to Peeta. If I wasn't already in love with her, these last two days had solidified it. Fair to mention also, she's an amazing kisser. So that helps. While we haven't given a name, or even a conversation to what's going on between us, we're ...couple-y. She held my hand through the museum, force-fed me cake from her fork at the restaurant, kissed me stupid on the bow of the boat as we cruised down the river.

"Is this okay?" I asked into her ear, smirking against the sensitive skin just below her earlobe as she shivered again because of my touch. It took all my willpower not to slide my tongue against the skin there and really make her tremble.

"More than okay."

I didn't know if this was temporary or the beginning of something extraordinary, but it felt so right that I couldn't deny myself the pleasure of really _feeling _her. It didn't help that the thrill of sneaking around behind someone's back is oddly exciting. My nagging brain reminded me that Peeta is a real live person, a caring man who thought I was watching out for his wife, but I didn't want to deny myself this joy.

"Johanna?" I kissed the side of her neck in place of speaking. "Mm. Johanna I wanted to tell you. These have been the best two days since ..since I don't even know when. I feel more like myself when I'm with you. Happier." It gives me an unreasonable amount of elation to hear her say those words. Since the moment I laid eyes on her in her wedding dress I wanted to be the person who made her happy.

I ran my fingers through her hair to push it behind her ear and lay my lips on her earlobe. "You make me happy too, Katniss." I leaned my forehead against her temple, simply enjoying her nearness.

"Shit."

I looked up as I heard her swear under her breath. Her head moved over to the right, staring at something in the distance. I craned my neck to see what she was staring at when I caught pale blue eyes piercing me through the night. Mrs. Everdeen. And of course right on her heels, Prim. Katniss quickly hurried to her feet, rubbing her neck against her shoulder as if she was trying to erase the contact of my lips against her skin.

My heart ached inside my chest but I got to my feet as well, brushing off my jeans and beginning to fold up the blanket we had been sitting on. Mrs. Everdeen made her way toward us through the crowd and I felt the feeling of foreboding rise inside my chest. Would she really have the gall to say something in public, and in front of her daughter?

"Johanna!" Prim exclaimed, rushing through a few teenagers to jump into my arms. I smiled as I lifted her into the air and gave her a hug, placing her back down on to the grass gently. "Katniss gave me my pictures!"

"They came out great, you know. You're a real natural with the camera. I'll have to get you a camera of your own one of these days." I looked up to Mrs. Everdeen, who seemed to be staring directly through Katniss. "Hi Mrs. Everdeen," I greeted as neutrally as possible.

"Johanna," she replied calmly, her eyes never leaving her daughter's. "May I speak to you in private, Katniss?" Katniss nodded solemnly as the two of them weaved toward a hulking oak tree a few yards away from where we had been sitting. Prim began to babble about something from school but I watched their body language as best I could. Katniss looked extremely upset, her arms waving and her posture defensive.

"Hey Johanna?" Prim tugged on my shirt and I looked down at her with raised eyebrows. "Do you like my sister?"

I smiled down at the blonde girl, giving her a nod. "Yeah, I do."

Prim shook her twin braids and crossed her arms over her chest. "No I mean, do you _like _like her? Do you want to be her girlfriend?"

Needless to say I was taken aback by her straightforward questioning. Of course, taking into consideration her mother I shouldn't have been all that surprised. Unlike Katniss, the other two Everdeens seemed to thrive on confrontation. "I guess I do, yeah."

"So why don't you ask her? At school we pass notes. You could give Katniss a note. I could help, if you want." Her rapid fire logic was endearing but also made me inexplicably sad.

A forlorn smile formed on my features as I looked into the guileless eyes of Primrose. "It's not as easy as all that. Katniss is married. Married means you only love one person."

"Does it have to be the person you're married to?"

I chuckled and nodded my head. "Yeah, unfortunately for me it does. Katniss is married to Peeta, so she can't be my girlfriend."

"Does that make you sad?"

I looked down to the ground as Mrs. Everdeen and an incensed Katniss made their way back toward us. "Yeah, Prim, it does."

I looked at Katniss for some sort of indication of what they talked about, but her eyes were clouded over in anger. "Sorry Prim, Johanna and I have to leave," Katniss said abruptly, taking me by the hand and forcefully pulling me through the crowd. I don't know what they spoke about but the fury in Katniss was palpable. We reached her car at the edge of the park and as we got into the sedan she tossed her keys angrily in the cup holder in between us and placed her forehead on the steering wheel.

"So I take it the talk went well?" Katniss responded to my sarcastic rhetorical by grabbing the sides of my face viciously and smashing our mouths together in a searing kiss. It was painful at first, her teeth gnashing at my lips and bruising them with her face. The onslaught of kisses robbed me of breath and my clammy palms clutched at anything for support. I ended up with one hand against the dashboard and the other around the back of her neck.

Abruptly she pulled away and started the car, throwing it into drive and taking off. We weren't far from her apartment and since Katniss was driving at what I can only assume was the speed of light, I figured we'd probably drive right into the living room in six seconds flat. I was nearly right as Katniss came within inches of slamming the car into the garage door.

I'm a thrill-seeker but I'm not quite looking to die in a car crash. I tried to look as unaffected by the ride as possible but there's no mistaking the shaking of my knees as I got out of the car. She walked with such a straight purpose I had to jog to keep up with her as I got to the door. In my mind I'm imagining something similar to when I got here two days ago: slammed against the wall and kissed until my vision was blurry.

It wasn't. I followed her up the stairs even though she didn't bid me to do so until I hesitated outside her bedroom door. For the first time since she kissed me in the car she actually turned and looked at me. Her eyes were a bizarre mixture of aroused and angry and it made me a bizarre mixture of aroused and confused. "Do you need an invitation?"

I quirked my eyebrow, still standing at the threshold of her room. "I guess?" I replied weakly, looking down at the carpet. It felt wrong to do this in her bedroom that she shared with her husband. I mean, I didn't know what we were going to "do" but I had a few guesses. When she pulled her shirt off over her head and removed her boots and pants, then I was certain. She stood before me in a matching set of deep burgundy lingerie and I probably could've caught flies in my jaw because it just about hit the ground along with her pants.

"Is this invitation enough?" Her voice sounded like silk but etched with an adorable vulnerability that caused a brief wave of something other than desire to wash over me. I visibly gulped but was still frozen in the door way. She rolled her eyes in impatience and grabbed me by the shirt and dragged me into the room with her. I went crashing over the foot of the bed and bounced against the mattress.

Katniss grinned wickedly as she crawled over me on all fours, her hair falling over her shoulders and tickling my body as she got closer to my face. I'd never seen anything look so provocative before in my life. I placed my hand on her chest as she leaned in to kiss me, pushing her back up gently. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Is everything okay?"

I pursed my lips and looked up into her eyes, hoping to find what I was looking for. "It might be. Are you doing this because your mother doesn't approve?" I don't know _why _she wouldn't approve when she had basically told me to figure out my shit and either get with her daughter or don't.

"No."

"Are you doing this because you're unhappy with Peeta?"

She sat back on my shins and folded her hands in her lap. She released one of them to run through her hair. "No, I'm not." Frustration flashed in her eyes. "If you're uncomfortable you can just tell me. If you...if you don't want me you can just say so."

"_Don't want you_?" I sputtered, as if Katniss had just spoken in another language. The mere concept was so absurd I nearly laughed in her face. I lifted myself up onto my palms, locking my elbows. "Katniss I've never wanted anyone more. Not just anyone, but _anything_. I-I-I'm in love with you." I watched her face for a reaction and it was similar to watching someone quickly change television stations. Surprise, guilt, confusion, happiness. We gazed at each other in silence for what seemed like a year before I couldn't handle the silence anymore. "So what now? You gonna 'kick me out or kiss me'?" I asked, mocking our first embrace.

Before I could even really see the smirk on her face she leaned forward and captured my lips in another bruising kiss. Still halfway between laying down and sitting up I slid my hands down her bare back and grip her tightly with my nails. Her surprised gasp gave me the leverage and opportunity to press her on to her back and smother her with my body.

I've had my fair share of women underneath me, pupils dilated in pleasure and chests heaving. I've never once looked on something as beautiful as Katniss beneath me, staring at me with those world-ending gray eyes. "I love you too." I blinked in surprise at her words, spoken with a breathlessness that I helped engender. She looked as surprised as I did with her confession but I was heartened nonetheless.

As I pressed my lips against hers I tried to push forth the emotions welling up inside of me. The kiss was soft, but insistent, just like she is. Her mouth was occupied with mine but somehow she managed to sneak her hands underneath my shirt and work her hands across my stomach. I groaned as my lips left hers and traveled across her cheek, nipping at her earlobe and forcing her to listen to my ragged breathing.

I think I might have ripped my shirt as I tore if off and tossed it aside, taking her chin between my fingers and kissing her hard once more as my skin meets hers. I've never felt anything like this - like I want to touch all of her body at once. I can't get enough of her lips and her skin and her breath. My lips and teeth lick and graze the skin of her neck, positively drunk on the sound of her pleasure and taste of her sweat. Her hand snaked underneath the waistband of my jeans and without any preamble her fingers slid inside me.

I wheezed in surprise as she curled her fingers against my walls, no friction at all, which is no surprise. Just being near her was enough to make me wet, let alone have her panting half-naked beneath me. I heard her whisper "oh my God" beneath her breath as she moved inside me once more and despite my being intoxicated I let out a chuckle.

I grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of me and her closed eyes snapped open as she glared at me. "What the hell?"

In place of answering I moved my hands beneath her back and unclasped her bra, moving it to the side and lowering my mouth to her chest. Slowly I dragged my tongue around the swell of her breast, grinning as shudders shot through her body. I heard the thump of her hand against the mattress as she wiped her hand on the sheets and then brought both her hands to the back of my head and grabbed fistfuls of my hair. She tried to move me to where she wanted my mouth but I had been waiting far too long for this to rush myself.

My tongue darted out and swiped along the outside of her nipple, spelling my name out across her skin as I moved to her other breast and did the same. I smirked against her skin as she began to curse at me in frustration. My thigh pressed between her legs as I lowered my lips around her nipple and flicked my tongue against it and she arched her back into me, pressing her stomach against mine.

After a few minutes of lavishing my attention on her breasts I dipped down her stomach, raking my nails and swirling my tongue across the plane of her abdomen. I reached my destination and looped my fingers underneath her panties, slowly dragging them off of her legs. My hands and lips traced her legs from calf to thigh, my arms stretched over her stomach and digging my nails into her soft skin as I moved myself between her legs.

My name hissed out from between her teeth as I blew air against her wet folds. Gently I ran the tip of my tongue in between her slit, holding her hips down with my hands as they bucked upward upon contact. I lapped up the excess fluids that had begun to seep out from within her, gingerly probing her center with my tongue. My hands came up between her thighs as I spread her open for me, momentarily dazed by the realization of this new reality. My tongue plunged inside her, moving with her pelvis as she shot upward and back down on to the bed. Her hands found their way into my hair as I moved slowly in and out of her, feeling her walls clench against my tongue.

From her mouth came ungodly moans as I continued to fuck her as slowly as I could, ignoring her hooded nub for as long as she could hold out. My movement ceased for a moment as I let her move against my mouth, fucking herself against my tongue in a rhythm she dictated. I closed my lips around her core and sucked slightly, causing a throb to go through her that I felt on my tongue. I curled my tongue around her clit, massaging it in slow, gentle movements. I brought my hand to her entrance and moved around her pussy until she finally managed to speak.

"Oh my fucking God, Johanna, just fuck me." It was all the persuasion I needed to immerse my fingers inside her throbbing center. It only took a few more moments of my tongue flicking her clitoris and my fingers pushing against her g-spot for her to unravel with jerking hips, a hoarse scream shooting up from the back of her throat. I kissed my way up her stomach, not relenting on my pushing inside her. Her hips continued to buck against my hand. "More," she wheezed out as my lips met her neck.

I added a third finger inside her and she moaned loudly through clenched teeth. Her fist grabbed a handful of my hair as she forced our lips together, moaning as she tasted herself on my tongue. I broke the kiss only to move my mouth to her ear to compel her to listen to my grunting as I fucked her as hard as I could. My arm began to cramp but the slight pain only urged me more, the slick sound of her wetness soaking my fingers bringing me close to orgasm without being touched.

I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make her climax again until I spoke. "Fuck baby, you're so wet," I cooed into her ear.

She clutched at me desperately with sweaty hands, digging her short fingernails into the skin of my back. "Holy shit, yes. Don't stop."

"Talking?" I asked breathlessly, getting a curt and impatient nod in return. I smirked. "I'm gonna make you cum so hard you won't be able to breathe." She let out a tiny squeal and my eyes rolled back in pleasure. I'm not one for dirty talk but if that was her thing, then who was I to circumvent her passions? Though in the back of my mind, I can't help but think that her usual partner probably does not partake. "Jesus fucking Christ you feel so good."

Her whimpers became faster and louder. "Cum for me," I whispered into her ear and almost immediately she did, her soaked walls constricting against my fingers as she rode out her orgasm again. She sucked in a long breath and expelled it slowly as I gently removed my hand from inside her, taking my time to leisurely lick her arousal from my fingers.

I was still hovering over her as she recovered, placing chaste kisses over her dampened face. Her eyes returned to normal as she stared up at me, a delirious smile on her face. "I have never ...twice... in my entire life," she confessed between intakes of breath. I couldn't stop the proud smile from coming on my face as I let out a chuckle. She leaned up and kissed me, igniting the already stoked flame in my belly. I was sure she had never been with a girl before so I was prepared to go to sleep a little agitated. My concerns were unfounded as she pulled away and I saw the fiery delight in her eyes. "My turn."

She wriggled out of my grasp and I wriggled out of my pants. She made quick (if not a little novice) work of my bra and panties and ended up behind me, her arms wrapped around my waist. We both stood on our knees as she pushed my hair forward to kiss my neck and shoulders, her hands grasping at my breasts. She stopped suddenly and pulled away slightly.

"You have a tattoo," she remarked, running her fingers along my shoulder blade where I did, indeed, have a tattoo. "What is it?" she asked in a whisper, placing kisses along the ink lines.

I looked at her over my shoulder and smiled. "It's a tulip." It was just the black ink outline of a tulip, along with the stem. It was only a few inches down my shoulder which Katniss was now tracing with her tongue.

"Why isn't it colored in?"

I reached behind me and ran my fingers through her hair. "Because I couldn't decide on a color. Each means something different. White and yellow mean unrequited love or hopeless love. I'd never had that...until recently." Her lips against my skin paused for a moment. "Red and purple mean undying, passionate love or a love that lasts forever. And I've never had that either."

I gasped in pain as she bit down hard on my shoulder blade, sucking the skin with a fervor. When she was finished she kissed it lightly and I could feel her lips smile. "Now it's red _and _purple." She pulled her head up to me and kissed me as her hands traveled down my stomach and her fingers found my clit. I arched into her breasts which were now firmly pressed against my back. She dipped inside me, using my wetness to rub against me faster. After what we had done earlier I was already about to break.

She wrapped my hair in her fist and pulled me into a kiss as she pushed her fingers inside of me. "Fucking hell Katniss." I saw her smiling as she pulled away and place her lips beneath my earlobe and whispered words, but not the same that I had done to her. She whispered sweet words, loving words and my stomach spread with warmth and my orgasm shuddered through my body.

I dropped on to my hands, folding my elbow and collapsing on to my back. Katniss flopped down next to me, both of us breathless. "Wow," Katniss said in an expelled breath. She curled her arms around me and snuggled into my body. I felt like we should have a talk. Something. Discuss what we did or what we're going to do.

But within moments she was fast asleep in my arms, and I was wide awake staring at the picture on the wall of Peeta and Katniss emerging from the church to a shower of flower petals. My flower petals. I was in that moment, but not how I wanted. And now I was here, with her, but not how I wanted. Not really. Not when I could still see his pale blue, trusting eyes staring at me from the wall.


	6. The Reality

The following morning came like a cold rain. I awoke with the sobering realization that Peeta would be coming home in a few hours and my time as Katniss's other half was rapidly approaching its end. While she slept I took a quick shower in their bathroom, grimacing at the Axe body soap and silver razor hanging from their shower-head basket. His touch really was everywhere and I couldn't escape it living in his home with his wife.

I cut off the water and stepped out of the shower. The mirror had barely fogged since I take pretty quick showers. For some reason I don't really like getting soaked like that in the bathroom. Rainstorms are okay but showers make me feel claustrophobic. Anyway, I leaned my palms on the smooth marble of their vanity countertop. Katniss's things were strewn about; a hairdryer here, some brandless white face lotion there, a few discarded bobby pins about. A can of shaving cream stood in the corner, looming over everything as I stared at myself in the mirror.

Who had I become? The same homewrecker who had destroyed a perfectly normal couple's relationship years ago? Was I really that selfish? The worst part is I didn't even really feel like a bad person. I felt entitled to my happiness because Katniss loved me back. We were in love, just in unfortunate circumstances. Could I really be blamed for following my heart and allowing Katniss to follow hers?

Yes I could, I resigned with a sigh. I dried myself with one of their towels and changed back into my clothes. I gave myself another hard look in the mirror before leaving. I was prepared to meet with Katniss's rejection when I opened the door. Maybe she had second thoughts after she fell asleep. Maybe the thought of Peeta coming home would sour her feelings for me. Maybe this would be easier if she hated me a little.

I opened the door and Katniss was still in bed, tucked into her sheets but laying up against the headboard. She cradled a bowl of cereal in her lap, her gray eyes fixed on whatever anthropomorphic animation was playing loudly across the television. Of course she would cutely watch cartoons in the morning with a bowl of cereal. She just had to be heartwrenchingly perfect at all times.

"Hey beautiful," she greeted warmly, patting the spot next to her on the bed. My traitorous cheeks flared red at the pet name as I gazed down at her. This was something I ached to have the chance to get used to: seeing her in the morning, hair mussed from sex the night before, naked and tucked into our sheets. But those weren't our sheets and that wasn't our bed. That wasn't even my girlfriend. "What's wrong?"

I suppose my trepidation was worn on the outside as I dropped my eyes to the carpet. What was I going to say? I had no regrets about the night before. I wanted Katniss, but not just physically like last night. I wanted her wholly. I've had more than my fair share of one night stands. This was not one of them. "I think we need to talk about ...about us."

"What about us?" Katniss responded, picking up the remote to flick off the television. She set her bowl down on the bedside table next to her and looked to me. In spite of her innocent question I could tell in her eyes she knew of what I was speaking.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "You know what. Last night, this whole weekend." I crossed to the bed and sat on the edge, lifting my leg up and folding it beneath my other knee. "Don't get me wrong, I loved every second of it." Her dimpled smile sent a icy dagger into my chest. "But I don't know what this means for us. You're..you're very, _very _married. I want you but I want _all_ of you."

"I want all of you, too," she replied in a small voice. I knew this was hard for her but there was nothing I could do to make this easier that didn't compromise everything about me as a person. "Just ...give me a little time. Give me some time to talk to Peeta. Just don't shut me out."

The really unfortunate part of all this? If she said give me ten years and I'll be yours, after the 3,650th day I'd be waiting at her doorstep. What a beautifully fucking tragic thing love is. "I don't want to shut you out, I just," I pause and looked down at my fidgeting hands, "I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," was her immediate reply. She shifted over underneath the sheets, holding them to her chest. As if this was a time for modesty after what we had done just a handful of hours ago. Her hand came up and cupped my cheek. "Johanna, I am crazy about you. And I want to be with someone who drives me crazy. I want to be with someone who makes me feel ...incredible. And that someone is _you_. It's been you since the day we met."

As comforting as her words were, that's all they were. Just words, meaningless little letters floating around in my brain and attempting to calm my very active nerves. My heart was in a state of suspended animation until she could completely be mine. "I might lose you. There's always a chance." I took her hand from the blanket and it fell a little, exposing some wonderful olive-toned skin, and pressed my thumb against her ring. "As long as you wear this, I'm always on the edge of the building with you. Never knowing if that strong gust of wind is just going to push me over the edge and he has you forever."

Katniss dropped her hand from my face and let out a sigh. We both knew I was right. As consuming as our love was, he would always be present. As long as they were married, we truly stood no chance. "Will you give me some time? I'm not trying to string you along. I just will need some time to get things sorted out. Peeta and I ...we've been together forever. I can't just up and abandon him. We built a life here. You have to understand."

"I do understand," I replied. And I did. Relationships are like weaving baskets, you keep intertwining your lives in intricate knots in hopes that what you have is built to last with no breaks. And when it does break, there's the painful unraveling of every warp and weft in your romance. The sorting of things, the separation of bank accounts, the painful process of de-coupling. "You know, you didn't have any nightmares last night."

She smiled at me and despite the circumstances, my heart melted a little. "No?" I shook my head. "Must have been because someone spent all my energy last night." I stuck my tongue in my cheek to prevent myself from smiling at her unexpected answer. She saw it anyway and leaned forward, letting the sheet fall completely away from her chest. I can't (and I don't because _fuck it_) pry my eyes away from her breasts. She noticed my stare and grinned, capturing my lips in a kiss. "You know we have some time if you want to come back to bed."

I thought about all the reasons we shouldn't: Peeta could come home early, I had just taken a shower, there were loud brassy cartoons playing in the background, we aren't even a couple and she's married. And then I thought about all the reasons why we should: ...it doesn't matter because even half a reason to touch Katniss is enough.

I bit my lip and tossed the blankets away from her and smother her body with mine, swallowing her giggles with my mouth.

* * *

Cressida swung her legs leisurely and bounced her heels against my counter as she sat atop my register. I was watering the plants around the shop, telling my very interested friend about my weekend. I hadn't seen Katniss since the previous Sunday, although we had been in contact via text. Some very racy, teasing texts that took all my willpower not to race to her house and take her.

From the glint in her icy blue eyes I knew Cressida was bursting with things to say. Like a good friend she stayed quiet through my ordeal until finally I stopped over-watering my plants and looked at her nervously. "On a scale of one to ten how much of an awful person am I?"

Cressida pursed her lips in the way that sucked in her cheeks. I had seen that exact expression drive other girls crazy. Right now it was only making me annoyed at her silence. "As your friend I am obligated to tell you that you are not an awful person. Look you're all adults, yeah? If Katniss wants to be with you then she needs to put her big girl knickers on and do it."

"It isn't that easy, Cress," I reminded as I stored the watering can into a nearby cabinet. "She's been with the same guy for years. They _just _got married. I can't expect her to just walk away from that."

"Yeah you can." Cressida shrugged her shoulders and looked at me. "She doesn't love him. She loves _you_. For whatever reason," she added sarcastically, smirking at me. "All I'm saying is that she can do this, she just doesn't want to. She wants to have her straight cake and eat pussy, too."

I nearly shoved her off the counter in indignation at her appraisal of my situation. She wasn't wrong but she didn't have to be so crude. I was a little upset that Katniss hadn't even tried to get in touch with me other than by phone. Maybe she really was re-evaluting our relationship. I mean, her texts made it seem like she wasn't. They were downright dirty. Was I just some fun lesbian side action? Did she really think she could stay married and have me on the side?

No. I refused to believe that she would do that to me. So I ignored Cressida's evaluation and continued to stay in contact with her via text. Late in the evening she would sneak away and call me and we'd talk deep into the night, exhausting ourselves for the next day. It was almost like being a teenager again; late-night phone calls, the all-body ache to feel her next to me, the anticipation of the next time I'd see her.

When I finally did see her, exactly thirteen days later, it was like no time had passed. She walked into my shop, sheepishly looking at me from the doorway. Fall was in full swing and she was in a light jacket with a scarf tucked into it. "Hi," I greeted with a smile. Katniss turned around and closed the double doors behind her, moving the lock into place.

The sheepishness was gone when she turned around. She wasted no time in surging toward me, taking my head between her hands and kissing me as hard as she could. The force sent us both tumbling back until I hit the counter and knocked over a plant. I yanked off her jacket and scarf as our lips dueled for the upper hand. My palms gripped the thin cotton material of her shirt as I shoved her through the doorway into the next room and we fell onto the small table that usually had a bunch of flower pots on it.

The rational part of my brain that knew we needed to have a serious talk was smothered by the feel of her lips on mine, her tongue swirling around the pulse in my neck and the feel of her hair in my fingers. Talking could wait. Her fingers were pulling down the zipper of my jeans and all thoughts that did not revolve around her fingers pulling down the zipper of my jeans were obliterated.

* * *

We continued like this for several weeks. I'd steal her away for a few hours or a day or so, hanging out at my apartment or going on small dates that if caught, looked like two friends harmlessly going out to dinner. But they way we looked at each other was not harmless. Her eyes pierced right through me every time she glanced in my direction.

We'd take long walks in the park with me snuggled into her arm, resting my head on her shoulder whilst we talked. I'd never been with someone who was so like a best friend. I imagine if Cressida and I had dated maybe it would've been similar, but nothing like this. When we spoke I could feel our souls touching, if that makes sense. Somewhere deep inside me I was connecting with another person and becoming whole.

I had never been so thoroughly in love in my entire life.

..

The cold chill of fall dying into winter had fallen on Panem the week before Thanksgiving. Outside there were a few fat snowflakes dropping from overheard whilst the sun tried in vain to break through the gray masses. I looked up as the bell rang in my shop, revealing an elderly man in a heavy winter coat and a newsboy cap. I smiled at him and turned my radio down. "Hi, what can I help you with?"

He smiled cordially at me and took off his cap, shaking snow off his hat on to the mat at the front door. "I'm looking for some flowers for my wife. She's been in the hospital for a week or so now and I thought they'd brighten the room." His tired brown eyes met mine and I tilted my head. I think the realization hit him the same time it hit me. "Oh you're the lovely girl from the museum! You know my wife always tells people about the wonderful lesbians we met at the museum. How is your wife?"

_My wife_. Like a sap, tears came into my eyes but I cleared my throat to try and will them away. I hated Katniss a little for making me lie to this man. "She's...she's fine. Busy at work. How is yours? You said she's in the hospital?"

He nodded solemnly. "She caught a cold two weeks ago that she just couldn't shake. The doctors don't know what it is, but... I think the flowers will help." The forced smile on his lips almost made the tears fall from my eyes. "Knowing their from one half of the couple she likes will make them even better."

"Right," I agreed with a curt nod, looking around the room. "Any particular flower? Any color?"

He mused on that for a moment as he walked around the tiny shop. His weathered hands felt the petals and I saw him close his eyes and inhale the scent. "She likes yellow. Something yellow that smells pretty."

That narrowed my choices down to about ten different flowers. I gazed around the room, analyzing the different spectrums of yellow I had. I busied myself putting together his bouquet of yellow dahlias. "How long have you been married?"

"Seems about four and a half centuries," he joked with a grin. "Fifty-three years."

"Wow, congratulations," I replied, wrapping the bouquet in a brightly colored lavender paper. I gave him a genuine smile. "That's impressive."

He chuckled and shook his head. "She just can't get rid of me," he replied. "I keep coming back like an STD." I bursted out laughing and it seemed to lift his mood a little. "You know kiddo, I never got your name."

"Johanna," I replied, holding my hand out to shake his. He took my hand tightly, clasping the other over our hands.

"I'm Hank, my wife's name is Michelle. And yours?"

"Katniss."

He raised a large, bushy eyebrow at me. "Like the katniss root?" I nodded. "That's a strong name, just like your boys." _Our boys_. Apparently everything was going to make me very emotional. Our pretend twin boys, our pretend marriage, this man's sick wife. My father used to say melancholy was a practice for the weak-willed. My father also used to eat his steak so raw it was four seconds from mooing. He wasn't always right. "Well Johanna, thank you for the flowers. How much is the damage?"

"Oh no, no charge," I waved off his attempts to shove money at me and instead filled his hands with the flowers. "Just take these for your wife. Please give her our best. The um, the dahlia means commitment and a-a bond that lasts forever. And they smell pretty."

The man grinned at me and then surprisingly pulled me in for a hug. "You and your wife are very lucky," he said over my shoulder, pulling away and placing his cap back on his head. "You're still young. You have a lifetime of love ahead of you. Don't waste a single moment of it all right, kiddo?"

I compressed my lips and nodded my head, trying to hold back the tears that were begging to fall from my eyes. But the man didn't look resigned as he gave his advice. He looked happy. Even in dire circumstances, love can buoy you. This man was living proof. He gave me a wave as he headed back into the snowfall, disappearing from view around the corner.

I sniffled and blotted my eyes with a nearby piece of paper towel, ignoring the ringing of the bell at the door for a moment. When I turned, I was greeted with the brooding image of Finnick. His blonde hair was perfectly coiffed as usual, but his trademark grin was not on his face. He looked like he was about to give a dirge.

"Hey Finn what's up?" I asked, brushing my hands off on my pants. Finnick placed his hands in the coat pocket of his double-breasted pea coat and looked very sternly at me. I arched my eyebrow. "That's a serious face you've got on."

"Tell me it isn't you." My mind seemed to be sloughing through mud as I tried to figure out what he was talking about. Tell him what wasn't me? His insistent stare baffled me for a few beats before my eyes went wide. _Oh. That_. And then, my gaze downcast. "Oh for fuck's sake, Johanna."

"Give me a break," I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest. How dare he storm into _my _store and make me feel like a criminal. I couldn't bear the look in his eyes. As if I was the absolute most vile person on the planet. Coming from someone who openly said he'd fuck people in committed relationships, I'm torn between believing him and wanting to slap him.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You know, he didn't...he didn't say who it was. He said he didn't know. Found a bunch of text messages on her phone that -"

"He looked through her fucking phone?" I interrupted.

Finnick scoffed. "Yeah, act like that's the big mistrust here. No, she handed him her phone. Said she had nothing to hide. Turns out she did." He ran his fingers through his hair and leveled his sea green eyes at me. "I figured it out. All that talk, all that running your mouth about not messing with other couples, that was when it doesn't apply to you, right?"

"Fuck off, Finnick."

"No!" He yelled back at me and startled me, but my surprise quickly turned into anger. "You don't get it, Johanna. He was busted. It takes ten times as long to put yourself together as it does to fall apart." He stepped closer to me, moving just a few inches away from my face. "Have you ever heard a grown man cry?"

"What do you want me to do? I can't take it back. I can't change how I feel about her, or how she feels about me."

He smirked. "You're right, _you _can't change how she feels about you. But she can." An uneasiness spread in my stomach as I looked into his eyes.

I hadn't seen Katniss in over a week. When I had tried to contact her she said she was busy with work, something Prim had affirmed one afternoon when she had stopped by. I hadn't thought anything of it. "When did he find out?"

"A week ago." The uneasiness in my stomach doubled into dread and sank into me like a stone. Finnick could see my mind working double time and he nodded. "She told him. They argued. They made up."

_They made up_. What did that mean? She was going to stay with him? After all her talk of how much she wanted me and how she just needed some time, she was just going to up and never see me again? I needed answers and Finnick's handsome face were not going to give me the answers I needed. "Get out," I scowled at him, my nostrils flaring in anger.

"Did I just ruin your perfectly good plan to ruin a perfectly good man's life?"

"Get the fuck out, Finnick," I said again, lowly. I had no time for his smug lording over me. I ran my fingers through my hair and turned from him, trying my hardest to stop myself from crying. I hate crying. It never seems to solve any problems and I'm not a pretty crier.

I heard him turn the handle of my door and the stupid bell chime as he opened it. "Do you love her?"

I wanted to turn over every plant in the room, toss them at his head. I wanted to grab my axe and smash every tree in existence. My sadness and my anger are pretty much indistinguishable from each other. "Yeah."

Finnick cleared his throat. "I'm sorry."

* * *

In college Cressida and I had a ritual that when we had our hearts broken (or broke someone else's) we'd split a glass of rosé and eat something terrible for us. Tonight we had gone through two bottles and three baskets of chicken wings and french fries ("_CHIPS_" would be Cressida's constant reminder all night) while we watched awful morose movies. It didn't sate my aching heart but it made me feel slightly better.

"Maybe you're better off, love," Cressida said, taking another large scoop of ice cream and shoveling it into her mouth. "You are beautiful and strong and a great catch. And if she can't see that she's a bloody fucking idiot." I knew her effusive compliments were a result of the wine but it was appreciated nonetheless. Typically her approach was tough love but when she was drunk, she was overly sentimental.

"Thank you, my enabler." I laid myself across the couch, placing my head in her lap. Katniss and I hadn't spoken since I saw Finnick, even though she had called me about forty times and left me a bunch of text messages. I wasn't prepared to face the cold realization that she and I and whatever we had was over. Cressida ran her fingers through my hair, bringing me back to our days on her twin bed as I moped over some dumb brunette who had broken my heart.

She laughed and switched off the DVD player, taking my hand in hers and continuing to stroke my hair. "I'm not enabling, you make it sound so harsh. I'm simply doing what all best mates do. Commiserating and offering my unconditional love. I did suggest we egg her house but you declined my offer."

A soft knock at the door interrupted our miserable bonding and we both looked toward the door with disdain. I didn't like to be interrupted during my sad times. Cressida slid out from underneath my head as she headed to answer my door. I stuffed a pillow underneath my head to watch her answer the door. "Stop looking at my bum, Jo."

I scoffed at her but I was in fact staring at her ass. She might be my best friend but she is unbelievably attractive. She swayed her hips exaggeratedly as she strutted to the door, stumbling in her last two steps. Cressida swung the door open and her posture immediately straightened up. "Oh darling, you are certainly not welcome here."

I snagged a chicken wing from the pile and shoved it in my mouth, swinging my legs off the couch. With the buffalo wing sauce dripping from my mouth I walked over to the door and froze as I saw the girl standing in the doorway. Katniss stood there, holding her purse in her hands. "Katnif?" The wing dropped from my mouth on to the floor.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked timidly, looking from Cressida to me. "Privately?" Cressida grunted under her breath.

I raised my eyebrow, wiping the sauce from my chin. I was about to object, doing one of those "I have no secrets from her" scenes, but then I saw the look in Katniss's eyes. I wanted to hate her but damn she could undo me with just a glance. With a sigh I nodded to Cressida who gave Katniss a long, scathing look before huffing off toward my bedroom. Once she was safely in my room I leaned on the door. "What do you want?" I asked, the malice I intended in my voice instead being replaced by tiredness.

"I'm sorry Finnick bombarded you. Peeta told me what he did and it was wildly fucking inappropriate but that is par for the course for him." I crossed my arms over my chest, allowing her to mumble out her useless apology. Her eyes dropped to the ground. "I wanted to talk to you first."

"Oh did you? Do me the incredible kindness of telling me that you were not going to leave your husband?" My shrill, angry voice dissipated into desperate sadness. "Break my fucking heart in person?" My words caught in my throat as I fought back tears. "How unbelievably _kind_ of you."

She wiped a stray tear that had escaped her eyes and in spite of my anger, my heart ached at seeing how sad she was. I wanted so badly just to hate this woman in front of me. Hate is much easier to vault than heartbreak. "Please, this ...this isn't easy for me."

"It isn't?" I asked rhetorically, running my fingers through my hair. "It was easy when we he didn't know about us. When you could just fuck me whenever you wanted and then go home to your cozy little set up and live our your cookie cutter life, that was easy."

"It's more complicated than that," Katniss objected softly, unable to meet her gray eyes with my brown ones.

I nodded. "Oh I'm sure. All those promises of being with me, those were real easy to break when I was out of the picture. Does he even know you're here? Hm? Am I still your dirty little secret?" I took a step forward, coming into her space. "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me. Tell me that's what you want and I'll go and you'll never see me again."

"Is that what you want?"

"I want _you_." The faraway look in her eyes was enough for me. She couldn't do this. We were... whatever we were, we were over. I wished for a moment that life was like the show _Once Upon A Time _and someone could just come and rip out my heart. Rip out my heart and crush it into dust, because having no heart would be preferable than to have this broken one inside my chest. "It's like I said, isn't it? I'm on the edge of the building, but you're not there. You can't jump. You're just like him."

"I think I'm pregnant." My tear-filled eyes slowly moved up her body to her face where I met the most depressed expression I had ever seen. She sniffed and wiped her eyes again, still unable to look me in the eyes. "I took a-an at home test. I haven't gone to the doctor yet but..."

"Please," I interrupted, holding up my hand. "Please stop," I begged quietly. Whether it was the wine or the news my head was spinning. Katniss was pregnant. Pregnant with Peeta's baby and their marriage was now even more solidified by this progeny. "Just... go," I managed to say, just above a whisper. She looked like she was going to say something more, another useless apology, but it died in her throat. She nodded and walked away, moving down the hallway toward the elevator in my apartment building.

I closed the door and pressed my back against it, sliding down on to the floor. Cressida gingerly stepped out of my bedroom, her face twisting into heartbreak for me as sobs pushed hard out of my chest. She walked into my kitchen, grabbing two shot glasses and a small bottle of tequila from my cabinet. She sat down cross-legged in front of me and placed the glasses on the ground, pouring the tequila into each one.

We both knocked back the shots and I placed my head against the door, looking up at the ceiling. Cressida poured the next two shots while I stared upward, feeling pity for myself and anger toward Katniss. We threw back the next two shots and I coughed, my cough dissolving into a pitiful laugh as I looked over at my friend.

She got up off the ground and offered me her hands to pull me up. "C'mon darling, let's get you to bed." Reluctantly I take her hands, lifting myself off the ground and standing on my wobbly feet. The wine and tequila has gone straight to my brain and my coordination is severely lacking. Like a tacky romance movie we go tumbling into the wall, which would be comically romantic except we are not lovers and I am miserable. My hands found the sides of her face and her bright blue eyes went as wide as I've ever seen them. "Johanna, this is a poor idea."

"Why?" I asked, my eyes never leaving her lips that she tugged between her teeth.

"You've just had your heart broken," she explained calmly, stroking her fingers through my hair. "This is not what you want." Despite her objections I can see how aroused she is in her cloudy, drunken gaze. This isn't the first time we've been this close; we've spent most of our friendships dodging each other's advances and coming dangerously close to sleeping together.

I shrugged, running my thumb over her lips and flicking my gaze from her mouth to her eyes. "Don't you love me?"

She sighed, moving her hands down to my hips and pursing her lips. "We've been friends for a decade. You know I love you."

"And I love you. So why the fuck not?" I asked, my thumb still rubbing her bottom lip back and forth. Her lips are so soft, so inviting and I'm so drunk and so heartbroken that this all feels strangely right. "What do we have to lose?" She took my thumb between her teeth, flicking her tongue against it and pulling a gasp from my lips.

She took charge and began walking us back toward my bedroom, her ravenous intent clear in her eyes. This wasn't a solution to my problem; I'm still in love with a married woman who clearly loves me too. This was a band-aid on a gaping wound. A temporary solace. A drunken mistake that we'd both probably regret in the morning, but as my back hit the mattress and her alcohol-laden lips crush mine, I don't care.

Like I said, what do I have to lose? I've already lost everything I love.

* * *

Author's Note: The angst of this chapter is equally proportionate to how FUCKING AMAZING THE TEASER TRAILER WAS. I mean, there was no Johanna BUT DID Y'ALL SEE DISTRICT SEVEN REPRESENT? I can't believe we're seeing more districts than what is described in the book. I was so pumped this morning when I went to Best Buy. I fangirled so hard seeing the D8 Hospital. Not enough J Law and NO Jena Malone but wow, I can't even. Anyway thanks for continuing to read the story and follow and leave reviews! We're nearing the end here so I imagine about two more chapters.

Thanks!


	7. The Morning After

I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus on my ceiling. The ceiling fan rotated slowly, trembling slightly and creating a soft rattle that was soothing to me most nights. However it was doing nothing to soothe the splintering headache spreading in my brain. My eyes blinked hard as I rolled over and let out a groan. All that wine and tequila was a bad idea. Probably one of the worst I'd ever had.

Well, it did help me temporarily forget about Katniss. My eyes settled on my bedside table where a cup of water and two crystal blue pills glistening in the sunlight coming through my window were placed. A window I regretted leaving open because the sun was making my already splitting headache worse. I palmed the pills and swallowed them down with the water, sighing as I placed the plastic cup back onto my table. The sound of gunfire from my living room jerked my attention quickly. The only time I was woken up by loud noises of fake gun battles was when Cressida slept over.

Cressida. _Oh my fucking God we slept together._ As I swung my legs out from underneath my blankets I realized I was still nude from the night before. _Fuck_. I grabbed the nearest clothing I could find - my bra and my pajama shorts - and ventured groggily into the next room. Cressida was on the couch, legs crossed Indian-style with her headset on her head, controller in her hand, relentlessly pushing the buttons.

The floor creaked beneath my feet and I saw Cressida look at me briefly and flash me a smile before returning very seriously to her game. She didn't look nearly as worse for the wear as I did. She was wearing one of my high school sweatshirts and a pair of my jeans. I sat on the back of the couch and fell backward so my spine hit the cushion and I watched her play upside down.

When the match was over she exited her session and placed the controller on the table. She stretched her feet out to the coffee table and looked down at me with bright blue eyes. "Worm, you finally got out of bed!" I groaned and rubbed my face, trying to will myself to remember the events of the past night. "I thought you'd died in there."

"I think I wish I had," I responded, stretching my arms above my head and touching the rug below us. I ran my fingers over the braided fabric, trying to block out the pain of my hangover headache. Cressida let out a few giggles and I glared in her direction. "How are you so fucking chipper? Did I drink alone?"

She looked down at me and ran her fingers through her hair, flipping it all to the side to expose her tattooed side. Her lips pursed into a smirk. "No, I've just got a larger tolerance than you. You're kind of a lightweight, love." I narrowed my eyes at her and she ran her eyes down my body, biting her lips to suppress a smile. "Good thing it's winter. I may have let a bit of a mark or two on you."

My eyes widened as I turned over onto my stomach and crawled off the couch. I scampered into the bathroom where my vanity mirror wasn't totally helpful but I did have a few light purple hickeys over my chest and the top of my stomach. A glance down at my legs showed more marks there as well. I stormed back into the living room where Cressida was already in a giggling fit.

"Oh this is funny to you? I look ridiculous! Why did you _bite_ me everywhere?" I asked angrily, placing my hands on my hips.

"I'm just havin' a laugh," Cressida responded in between guffaws at my expense. I kept my glare in her direction until she calmed down enough to talk. "I only did what you asked, darling." My eyebrow practically leapt off my face I had raised it so high. I didn't remember asking her to turn my into a chew toy. "Do you really want to go through this? I imagined we'd pretend it never happened but if you want to talk about it, I'm more than happy to tell you the things you told me to do."

I sighed and padded toward the kitchen to begin making some coffee. I popped the Keurig cup into the machine and waited in front of it, my palms grasping the edge of the counter. "No, I believe you," I replied finally, grasping the hot mug of coffee. Sipping it slowly I looked around the room. Our boxes of chicken wings were cleaned up, as well as the bottles of wine we had consumed. I looked to Cressida who was busy turning off the console and the television.

I couldn't remember a time when I didn't rely on that blonde woman for just about everything. When we fumbled through our sexual awakenings together, getting our hearts broken by girls as we plodded through college. We celebrated the joys of her landing her gig down at the station and mine of opening my business. She understood me in a way only my mother does, but even more so because she's gay. She gets it. Anyone else would've judged the hell out of me for the past few weeks. For sleeping with a married woman, for falling in love with that same woman, for taking advantage of my best friend while I was an emotional mess. But not Cressida.

I almost wished I was in love with her because I think we'd probably have made a great couple. And if the soreness between my legs and exhaustion in my chest was any indication, the sex was great. But I wasn't in love with her and I never would be. My heart belonged to someone else. Someone who didn't deserve it and broke it. Someone with eyes like a placid lake, not bright and blue like Cressida's. Someone whose voice and touch turned me into something I didn't recognize.

"Whoa you've got that thinking face on," Cressida said as she walked toward me, taking a swig from a beer in my fridge. I grimaced at her and she shrugged. "What of it? It's one in the afternoon. It's a perfectly respectable time for a pint."

"Thank you," I replied softly, looking down at my cup of coffee. She stared at me quizzically. "For everything. For being here for me. For ..last night." She grinned and I felt the heat in my cheeks increase.

"What are friends for? If not for a sad, but bloody _ace _roll in the hay when the other's feeling down?" She took my coffee cup from me and placed it on the counter top on my left. She placed her hands on my hips and curled her mouth into a smile. "Johanna. More than anything, I want you to be happy. As your friend, what we did last night, that was just us making each other happy. And it was brilliant. Which was good seeing as how I was waiting ten years for you to finally come around." She kissed me on the cheek and brushed some of my hair from my face. "And now, maybe you can start moving on from Katniss."

I sighed and leaned my head back against the wall. What she was saying made sense. Sleeping with her had proved a good distraction from my heartbreak but that's all it was - a distraction. Inevitably that brown-haired beauty would crawl back into my brain and root there. She was inevitable like the ocean's tide or the rise and set of the sun. I couldn't escape her. "I wish I could."

Cressida made a disapproving noise with her tongue. "You can. You just won't. Look it's only been a day or so. Why don't we do something fun today?" Her eyes lit up in childish delight. "Let's go do laser tag or something."I rolled my eyes at her. "Okay, what do _you _want to do?"

What did I want to do? Storm into the Mellark house, take Katniss by the arm, kiss the life out of her and never let her leave my side. Force her to divorce her husband, move far away and live out our lives together.

But instead my mind went to the elderly couple we had met in the museum. His wife was in the hospital. I somehow felt compelled to go see them. I almost felt like I needed to tell them Katniss and I weren't a couple. I don't know why this was pressing on my consciousness but it was. I brought my eyes up to hers. "There's someone I need to visit in the hospital."

"I want to do something fun and you want to go visit someone in hospital? You are bleak." She turned from me and walked back toward the apartment, shrugging her shoulders and settling herself back down on my couch. Cressida pressed her controller button and turned on her Xbox and placed her headset on her skull. "Horses for courses, I suppose. But you _really_ need to get a life."

* * *

I entered the hospital, a small bouquet of daisies in my hand. The hospital was always a source of anxiety for me, as it is for most people. My father died in this exact hospital not too long ago, attached to clear tubes and surrounded by family and beeping machines. You're never at the right age to lose a parent. From toddler to adult, you're never prepared to see the person who gave you life, the person who was your rock suffering and helpless in a gown and slippers.

"Hi, how are you today?" The attractive redhead behind the desk greeted me warmly, deep amber eyes gazing into my own. She almost looked like a light brown-eyed Amy Adams, complete with the Anglo-Saxon pale skin and chipper personality.

"I'm well, thanks, yourself?" I leaned on the counter, allowing myself to appraise young beauty. She looked a bit younger than me, maybe 20 or 21. The girl blushed lightly under my scrutinizing gaze. She wore a light blue set of scrubs with tiny foxes printed on them, and a single gold necklace with a small pendant on the end in a 'V' shape.

"I'm fine, thank you." She seemed flustered by the question. From my time in the service industry I knew people could be brusque unintentionally when they needed something. I found it endearing that she was so taken aback by some common kindness. I glanced down at her nametag, affixed just above her chest.

"Finch, hm?" The girl looked frazzled and then peeked at her own nametag. "That your last name?"

She nodded. "Yes. That's what everyone calls me. I don't like my first name much," she babbled. "It's kind of strange. My-my first name is Verbena." My eyes widened. "Like the um, like the -"

"Like the flower," I interrupted, smiling. "Do you know what that flower means?"

She clasped her hands in front of her and nodded enthusiastically. "Enchantment. Or, um, sensibility or something equally as boring." She ducked her head in embarrassment and I raised my eyebrow.

"Is that right? Well I'd say it's far from boring. Verbena has been used in almost all recorded history. It's got supernatural elements to it." Her eyes lit up as I continued to speak, setting the flowers down on the counter. Luckily there was no one behind me in line. If there was, they'd have to wait. "The ancient Romans called it Juno's tears. Faulker wrote a whole story about it." I still had it. The ability to charm a girl with a cocky grin and a little knowledge. The way she was batting her eyelashes, well, if we were in a nightclub she'd be pressed against a stall wall with her legs around my waist.

But we were in a hospital and I was probably reading this entirely wrong. "Something tells me that if you didn't really like your name, you wouldn't wear that V around your neck."

She looked down at her necklace and pulled the small pendant away from her chest, fingering the small letter in her fingers. "Oh, this isn't for that. It's a five. It's my lucky number. I was born at 5:55 on the fifth day of May on Fifth Avenue. And, turns out, I'm only going to be five foot five inches. So, I figured why not commemorate it?"

"Why not indeed?" I asked, chuckling. "Well, Verbena, I was hoping you could help me. I'm looking for a woman who's here, her name's Michelle? I'm afraid I don't have a last name. I know her husband's name is Hank. Elderly couple, crazy sweet."

Her face turned sullen. "I'm so sorry..."

"Johanna."

"I'm so sorry Johanna, but we only give out room information to family. Even if you did have a last name I'm not sure there would be anything I could do," she apologized nervously.

I smiled and lifted the bouquet off the counter. "It's okay. You're just doing your job. It was a long shot. Thanks for your time." I turned away, a smirk on my face. I knew she'd want to continue talking to me. Girls are easy to peg.

"How do you know them?" she called out to my back. I turned around, feigning surprise. I took the few steps back toward the counter.

"I met them at a museum a week or so ago. The husband, Hank, came into my flower shop over on Seventh Street and bought flowers for his wife, telling me she was ill. They were extremely nice to me and my -" I caught my words. "My friend and me, so I thought I'd return the gesture with a few flowers. My father always told me to return the kindness of strangers, because you never know who's needing it."

Surprisingly I saw a small tear escape the corner of her eye. I didn't think I had laid it on that thick but she looked quite upset at my story. "Oh I wish I could help. Do you know when she was admitted?"

"No idea. Not that long ago. Within the last few days." Verbena's fingers flew across her keyboard and her amber eyes scrutinized the monitor in front of her. After more typing a few clicks of her mouse she brightened considerably. "I think I might have found them." Her voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper and her eyes darted around. "Third floor, room 307. Should be on the right as you get off the elevator. But please don't tell anyone I told you."

The girl quickly scribbled out a sticker pass for me and handed it to me like we were making a alleyway drug deal. "Your secret's safe with me. Thank you so much for your help." I drew a daisy out of the bouquet and handed it to her. "It's not quite verbena, but it'll have to do." I flashed her a smile as she blushed harder than I had seen anyone blush in my life and I jogged toward the elevators.

I walked passed a few white-clad nurses on my way toward Room 307. I dodged a few slowly-rolling gurneys and finally got to the room. I could hear the loud blare of Wheel of Fortune playing inside and I gingerly knocked on the open door. There was the shuffle of feet against linoleum and the door opened wider to reveal Hank, whose face broke into a smile.

"Johanna!" He clapped my back in a hard hug, pulling me into the room. Michelle was laying on the bed, sitting up and eagerly eating what I hoped was cherry jello. Something ruby and gelatinous. "Michelle, look! It's Johanna, the woman we met at the museum. Her wife was the one who knew about the paintings."

The woman's eyes looked up at me, and after a few moments, she placed my face. "Oh Johanna. How wonderful of you to come and see me. Are those flowers for me?" She looked a little tired, but luckily not all that sick. It made me feel immeasurably better to see her looking almost well.

"No woman, they're for me," Hank interrupted with a wink. He took the flowers from my hand and went toward the vase on the table that held the other flowers I had helped pick for her. "Our daughter was just here, it's a shame you missed her. You remind us of her."

I sat down in the chair beside the bed, trying to hide my nervousness. "How are you feeling?" I asked the woman, placing my hands in my lap.

She shrugged. "As well as can be expected. Damn doctors are treating me like I have consumption." She leveled her gaze at me. "I have a _cough_. Because I'm over sixty, evidently I'm dying."

I let out a chuckle and shook my head. This woman's personality reminded me a lot of my mother. Hard-headed, straight-forward. Women who both participated in convention by being housewives and popping out kids, but defied it by keeping their identities separate from their families. "That's great to hear."

"How's your wife?" she asked, smiling at me. I felt the smile fade from my lips. I couldn't possibly keep up this charade. I hadn't wanted to do it in the first place. Katniss had that effect on me. She could make me do almost anything with just a quirk of her lips.

"Katniss is fine," I responded slowly. The woman placed her gelatinous goo container on her tray that was suspended in front of her and looked toward me. She gave me the same expectant look my mother had perfected when I was growing up and she knew I was telling a half-truth. "Katniss isn't my wife." The woman's pale eyes went wide and she looked to her husband, who shrugged. "We... it's complicated."

The woman smiled and reached out, taking one of my hands in hers. "I've got a lot of time. Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

I sighed hard, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Katniss is married. To someone else. I met her at their wedding, actually." I glanced at her husband. "I'm a florist, as you know, and I did the arrangement for her wedding." I cleared my throat, allowing some time for the information to sink in. "We went out as friends a few times but... there was always something. I knew. There was something there that was more than friends."

"We could tell," Michelle interjected with a knowing nod. "You looked so in love."

"We were. I mean... that day you met us, her husband had gone away for a few days. So we just kind of dated. And when you asked us if we were married, I was going to say no, but she just went with it. I have a hard time disagreeing with her."

Hank chuckled from across the room, sitting on the edge of his wife's bed. "Well we should have known right then you weren't married. Disagreeing is half of what we do."

Michelle shot him a glare. "Continue, please, Johanna."

"Well, I mean, that's it. He came back home and found out about us. And ...yesterday she told me she was pregnant. And I told her we were over." Tears started filling my eyes and I immediately felt ashamed of myself. For both my actions and my stupid tears. I didn't deserve to cry over this. Just telling the story made me feel like a bad person. In no light was I not completely wrong.

"Does she love you?" Michelle asked after a long period of silence. I wiped my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt and shrugged.

"I don't know. No." I pursed my lips and looked back up at her. The way Katniss had looked in my eyes, the way she kissed me, the way she held on to me like she never wanted to let me go. She did love me. "Yes. But it doesn't matter."

"Oh, sweetheart, that's all that matters."

I sniffled, gratefully taking the tissue that was held toward me by Hank. I'm sure these tissues were supposed to be used by grieving families, not stupid homewreckers crying with essential strangers about her lesbian love life. "She can't. She's with someone else."

Michelle patted my hand, soothingly rubbing it with her own. "When I met Hank I was engaged to another man. A nice man. Stable, good family, loved me to pieces. And I did love him." She paused and looked at her husband. "But the second I saw Hank, I knew. I knew immediately that I was in love with another man. Or at the very least in _lust _with another man. And if you're with someone and you fall in love with the second person, you must choose that second person. Because I have never met anyone after Hank that I felt even a tiny sliver of what I feel for him."

"That's touching," I replied, smiling sadly. "But it's not me who has to change. It's her." I stood from my chair, nodding my head toward Hank. "Thank you for letting me see you. Please stay in touch. Maybe we can get dinner or something." I opened the door and turned to them with a smile. "Feel better soon." They each bid me goodbye as I left the room and made my way back toward the exit.

I gave a short wave to the cute girl behind the counter, who in turn knocked over a corral of pencils on her desk in a frenzied attempt to wave back. Shaking my head I went through the revolving doors into the winter sun, breathing in a deep sigh. I wanted to believe what Michelle had said was right. If Katniss was in love with me, maybe she would come around.

But how long was I supposed to wait? Until their kid was eighteen and Katniss felt comfortable enough to break up their family?

I turned around to go back into the hospital. Maybe this red-haired girl was my chance to start getting over Katniss. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I took it out, reading Katniss's name across the screen. "Yes?"

"Johanna, please. Can we talk? I really need to talk to you. I went to your apartment but Cressida was there. She said you'd left for the day." I heard her suck in a breath. "Did she stay over your apartment last night?"

"Yes."

Her voice broke. "Did you guys sleep together?" I could hear the pain in her voice. It was crippling me.

I let out a chuckle. I could lie. But a small, evil part of me wanted her to suffer. "Not that it's any of your business, but yeah we did. Does that upset you? Am I not allowed to fuck anyone while you go and get pregnant?"

There was a long silence on the line. "I just thought you guys were only friends. It doesn't matter."

"You're right, it doesn't matter. It's not really any of your concern. You made it crystal clear that we were over, Katniss."

"Everything's changed and a-and I miss you. I need to talk to you." Her strained voice tugged on my heartstrings.

"There's nothing to say. You can't do it." I gritted my teeth. "Bye." I ended the call and held down the power button to turn my phone completely off. I walked back into the hospital and waited impatiently as a middle-aged woman asked the girl a bunch of needless questions.

Once she was gone I stood in her place and Verbena looked up at me, surprised. "Johanna. Did you find the room? I assume you did since I saw you leave a second ago."

"Do you want to go out sometime?" I interrupted, leaning over the counter.

Her cheeks turned as fire engine red as her hair and she looked around at the other women sitting behind the counter, who all wore different expressions of gossipy interest and anticipation. "Um...yes. I mean, if you'd want to..I would. That would be... I could do that. Yes. Please."

I smiled. I grabbed a piece of paper near me and reached over the counter to steal one of her pens. I quickly scribbled down my phone number and handed the slip of paper to her. "Whenever you want, call me." She grinned down at the piece of paper and nodded her head excitedly. I flattened my palms against the counter and launched myself up, sliding over the counter until my stomach was flat against the top. As she looked up I grinned and used my hand to pull her face toward mine in a short kiss.

I shimmied back down off the counter, whipping around and marching toward the exit. This is how I was going to get over Katniss. Slowly, one girl at a time. Surely at least two or three girls could fill the void one left in my heart. Right?

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry there isn't much (or any) Joniss in this chapter. Again it is two in the morning and while I don't have work, I need to get up early to do some photography so I need some sleep. Merci beaucoup to everyone who has favorited/followed/reviewed this story. I believe the next chapter will be the end. And it will have Joniss, I promise. I mean, y'all have seen the movie, yeah? Thanks for reading!

And that girl is Foxface, fyi. ;)


	8. The Speech

Author's Note: Smut 'n' fluff is not only a great sandwich name (y'all can steal it) it's also the warning on this chapter. :)

* * *

"Johanna. ...I have to ...get to class... You can't just..._OhmyGod_." I sank my face into her red locks that were splayed out on my pillow, inhaling the sweaty scent of her hair and neck as I thrusted inside her. The heels of her feet dug into my back, encouraging me further despite her verbal objections. One of the things I learned about Verbena, or V as I had begun calling her over the last three months, was that she was as sly as the little foxes she wore on her scrubs. Pure as the freshly driven snow but sexually she was insatiable. We didn't see each other much between us both working and her taking college classes, and when we did see each other, it was almost always purely sexual. Late night visits in her dorm, fucking her in the library at her college, pinning her to the door when she came into my apartment in her scrubs. I loved those scrubs; easy access to all the good parts. It was a beautiful whirlwind distraction to keep me from thinking of a certain brunette. A brunette who called me just about every day, though I never answered.

Verbena would get me all worked up and then scurry away because she'd be "late for class," all deceptive smiles and promises to come see me later. Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't. This time, I was prepared. She had bustled in my apartment, shaking snow from her scarlet locks and stomping her boots on the mat near the door. She gave me the same speech: _Oh don't have much time, only a few minutes in between classes, just wanted to see you_. But that didn't work. Instead I tore her clothes off, barely giving her time to breathe before I had her back against my mattress.

She kept trying to protest but it was weak. It was half-hearted. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her. Probably more. The moment the tip of the strap-on came in contact with her entrance I could see the blankness in her eyes as she grabbed my hips to try and force me inside her. The alarm that told her she would be late for class had gone off a few minutes later, which was why she struck up her protest again, but I wasn't stopping. Sweat was beading on my forehead as I held her hands pinned against the mattress and continued to fuck her. She wasn't going to stop me anyway.

Expletives fell from her mouth in a constant stream, turning me on more because she so very rarely used them. Her hands broke free from my grasp and she tangled them in my hair, forcing my cheek and ear near her mouth so I could her hear groans. _Fuck_ and _yes _and _Johanna _spilled from her lips until she shook really hard against me, her hands traveling down to my back to hold me still within her as she rode out her orgasm.

I slowly moved inside her a few more times, drawing out a couple more high-pitched moans and sighs before I withdrew completely, wriggling out of the harness and tossing it on the floor. Our chests heaved in double exhaustion as I laid next to her. She rolled over and tossed her arm over my stomach, mumbling into the pillow, "That was fantastic. Much better than going to class."

I smirked in her direction, placing a kiss on her salty forehead then returning my stare to the ceiling. The sex was always fun. It was just about the only thing we were good at. We had different life goals, different perspectives, had grown up in vastly different households. We had nothing in common other than a shared love of literature and being really, ridiculously good at sex. Our first date we didn't even get to our entrees before I took her into the bathroom, wrapped her legs around my waist and fucked her until she couldn't stop trembling. She moved off the bed and went into my bathroom, turning on the shower. I heard the curtain whip back and I let out a sigh, picking up my phone from the table beside me.

One missed call. Katniss.

Two text messages. Katniss.

I had been ignoring her for the last three months. I started shopping in a different grocery store, avoiding her side of town all together. The only bit of her I saw was in Prim, who continued to visit me at my stop and stop by my apartment. She had grown fond of the analog cameras so I gave her one of mine and often she would come over after school to learn to develop the film. We didn't speak about Katniss or Peeta or their baby. We just talked about her school and her boyfriend, or I'd teach her a new photography technique. As much as I enjoyed spending time with Prim mostly it was just a roundabout way for me to selfishly stay in Katniss's life without actually having to see her.

A knock at my door luckily broke me from spiraling back into a Katniss void that I would slide into a lot. Cressida was glad to see me dating again, even though really it was just a casual booty call situation that sometimes turned into sleepovers and breakfast. Cressida would often be the person I called when I felt compelled to go to the Mellark residence and take what I felt was mine. She always talked me down.

Our friendship had gone somewhat back to normal since our drunk sex adventure. We had only one relapse, a very inebriated night when she, Verbena and I got stoned and slept together in Cressida's modern loft. I was glad to not be too drunk to forget that. Cressida was even better than I remembered from our drunken escapade, and it knocked an activity off my bucket list. After that, we went seamlessly back into being friends.

I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and tossed a tank top over my bare breasts. Whoever was knocking on my door at half to nine at night was surely someone who wouldn't mind if I didn't wear a bra. It was probably Cressida anyway. I looked in the peephole of the door and narrowed my eyes in confusion. I swung open the door and ran my fingers through my hair. "Prim?"

The little blonde stood in the hallway, her backpack slung over one shoulder. Pale blue eyes darted nervously to the ground. "Hi, Johanna."

"What are you doing here?" I again ran my fingers through my hair. Did I have sex hair? Would she know what that was? Definitely not. I looked down the hallway for the sight of anyone who might have brought her here (and recognize sex hair), but there was no one in sight.

She shifted the weight of her backpack on her shoulders and her eyes moved around sheepishly. "I ran away."

I got down on one knee and took her hand. "Why did you run away?"

"Because I didn't wanna be home. Everything's weird there now. My mom is acting weird and Katniss is sad all the time. She just sits in her room and cries and I can't make her happy. My mom gets mad at her and they argue a lot." Her word vomit was coming out full force and I could see her bottom lip quivering. It didn't surprise me that she came to my apartment. I think she enjoyed the attention I gave her, attention she didn't get at home with a sister like Katniss.

"Wait, Katniss is at your house?"

Prim nodded, rubbing her running nose with the back of her hand. "Yeah she's been there like two months. Spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with us which was cool, but then she just didn't leave. She's just sad everywhere. Can I come in?"

I looked back at the door, which suddenly opened to reveal Verbena in the threshold, wearing my robe tied around her waist. "Is everything okay?" Her eyes fell on Primrose, who was still standing awkwardly in the doorway. In a stunning ability to look unfazed she bent down next to me and smiled at Prim. "Hey, what's your name?"

"Primrose."

Verbena grinned. "What a coincidence. I'm named for a flower, too. My name's Verbena. But you can call me Finch. That's my last name." She shook the young girl's hand as I watched, slowly rising back on to my feet. "Are you a friend of Johanna's?" Prim nodded in silence. "Me too." I flashed the girl a grateful smile and she nodded to me. I guess because of her background in the hospital nothing seemed to rattle her. It was admirable.

She let Prim in and the girl followed us inside. She sat down on my couch, tossing her bookbag on the floor. Verbena settled in next to her, curling her feet underneath her butt. "So Primrose, what grade are you in?"

I walked back into my bedroom, tossing my sex toy that I was suddenly embarrassed of into my closet, and grabbed my phone from the table. I inhaled a deep breath before finding Katniss in my contacts and pressing her number. It barely rang before her voice came through. My heart felt warm as I heard the sound of her voice. "Johanna?"

"Hey."

"Johanna, I can't believe you called me. I've been wanting to talk to you."

"This isn't ...your sister is here. At my apartment."

"What?" There was a shuffle and a pause on the line. "It's like nine at night." I heard a door close and the sound of muffled footsteps. There was the creaking of another door, then a sigh of exasperation. "How did she get there?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. But she's here now and pretty upset. I'm just going to let her sleep here, if that's okay."

"Oh, um, sure. I'll have my mom come and get her in the morning."

There was something left unsaid. I could feel it. "Okay. Well, good night."

"Johanna?"

"Yes?"

"It was really nice to hear your voice. I miss ..._it_." I could hear the lump in her throat over the phone.

I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed. "I know. I'm ..." I'm what? I'm sorry we haven't spoken? I have no reason to be sorry, I reminded myself. I'm not the one who led her on and then got back together with my husband. I'm not the one playing house when my heart belongs somewhere else. I heard Verbena and Prim giggling in the other room and I looked down at the carpet. Maybe I _was_ leading someone on. "I miss you, too."

"Really?" _Ugh_. Could she not tug at my heartstrings? Her voice sounded so hopeful that it made my heart ache hard. "A lot has happened. I'd really like to see you."

I flopped backward on my bed, holding the phone to my ear. I placed my other hand on my forehead. Was I really this stupid? Could I fall this quickly back into her like a bad habit? "I don't know if I can. The past few months have been so hard. I've worked every day to forget you."

"But you can't," Katniss supplied. "I can't forget you either. I don't want to. And I don't want you to forget me." When did I become such a loser? Here I was, seeing this gorgeous, young, sexy girl who adored me and I couldn't get my mind off of Katniss. Married, pregnant, sad Katniss.

"This can't keep happening," I replied sadly. "I can't keep doing this to myself."

"Just -" A voice cut her off and I heard Katniss calmly explain to Mrs. Everdeen that Prim had gone to my apartment for the night. She seemed to understand, oddly enough. I guess maybe they'd had a fight and she knew Prim needed to escape. "Look, I'll see you tomorrow. And we'll have that talk."

I wanted to say no. I felt "no" inside my body bubbling up from my chest. All signs pointed to no. "Okay." _Damnit_.

* * *

"Hey kid," I greeted as I went into my living room where V and Prim were setting up the game of Clue. Cressida enjoyed board games as much as video games so there was a pile of them near my television that were seldom used. Prim looked up from the board and smiled. "Your sister said it was okay that you stayed over. They'll come and get you in the morning."

"Okay," she replied happily. "Finch and I are gonna play Clue. You wanna play?"

I sat cross-legged on the floor, facing the couch where they had set up the board between them. V handed us the notepads and tiny pencils and I rolled my eyes. "Fine. But I call Miss Scarlet."

V frowned sourly and nudged me. "Um, I think I rightly deserve to use the red piece for Miss Scarlet. I mean, look at my hair." She pulled away some of her locks and I shrugged disinterestedly.

"She's right," Prim said, handing her the red playing piece. "She looks like Ariel from _The Little Mermaid_. Ariel's my favorite," Prim said confidentially across the board. V smiled sweetly.

I rolled my eyes. "Ugh fine. I'll be Peacock."

* * *

Having been up since five am for work V passed out just after we had ended our game. Prim and I stayed up watching some terrible cartoon film on my television as V slept on the floor, curled into a blanket I had given her. "She asks about you a lot," Prim said suddenly, her eyes droopy from sleepiness.

I raised my eyebrow. "Who does?"

"Katniss," she replied, like I was the dumbest person in the world. "Every time I see you she asks how you are." I didn't know what to say in response so I picked at the fibers of my couch. Unfortunately, Prim is extremely observant. "I think she loves you. I think when you love someone you wanna know how they are all the time." She leaned back into the couch and let out a loud yawn. "But you don't ask about her."

I winced. "Sometimes things are too painful to know about."

Prim shrugged. "I guess. I took a test the other day in math and I really didn't wanna know my grade. I thought I failed. So I made the teacher give me mine last. Turns out I did the best out of everybody. I guess sometimes things we think are gonna be really bad end up turning out really good. You've just gotta have hope."

I smiled, rubbing Prim's calf affectionately. "When did you get so smart?"

She let out another yawn and closed her eyes, snuggling into the couch. "When I got an A on my math test."

* * *

I awoke the next morning with a cramp in my neck from having slept on the couch with Verbena. I let Prim have my bed, which in retrospect was a bad idea, but I couldn't let the poor girl sleep on my couch. V was already awake, happily making coffee with Prim, fully dressed, like the chirpy little bird she was. Mondays she had an early class so I assumed it was around seven or eight in the morning. Truly too early to be so happy.

Our leftover game of Clue was on my coffee table, my notepad halfway across the room as result of my anger that I lost. Stupid candlestick. Groggily I got to my feet and shuffled to the bathroom. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, applying a minimal amount of make-up. I changed quickly into jeans and an old concert t-shirt, emerging just as Verbena was getting ready to leave.

"I've got to get to class. Prim said she'd help you make breakfast if you want." The redhead smiled at me and I rolled my eyes, leaning over the counter to give her a quick kiss.

"Don't be late for class, young lady." Verbena rolled her eyes back at me and went to the door, swinging it open to reveal Katniss standing there, fist poised to knock.

"Oh, hi," she greeted, smiling at Katniss. The smile was not returned. "You must be Prim's sister." Katniss nodded dumbly. Verbena smiled her quick, easy smile that I had seen her give to plenty of distraught people at the hospital. "Your sister's ruthless. _Killed_ us at Clue."

Katniss found her smile. I wondered if everyone else felt all the light come into the room or if it was just me. "I think she cheats," she confided jokingly to Verbena.

"Do not!" Prim protested from the stool next to the kitchen island.

"Sorry, I have to get to class. It was nice meeting you." The two women shook hands and I stood there awkwardly next to Prim, who was giving me the smuggest smile I had ever seen. Did she know? She _was _very bright. Too bright. Verbena waved to Prim and me, before half-jogging down the hallway toward the stairs, disappearing from view.

Katniss entered the apartment, her stare unwavering toward me. "Hey."

"Hi." In spite of, well, everything ever, a wide smile formed on my lips. She looked beautiful, as always. Her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail with a few melting drops of snow on it, a thick gray scarf around her neck. A chic burgundy winter peacoat wrapped around her with a pair of dark wash jeans tucked into knee-high boots.

"You, missy," Katniss began as she fixed her gaze on Prim, "are in a lot of trouble. Mom's waiting downstairs for you in the car."

"But Kaaatniss," Prim whined, sliding off the stool. "Johanna and I were gonna make breakfast."

"Maybe some other time, Prim. Downstairs. _Now_." The little blonde pouted profusely as she grabbed her backpack, trudging toward the door and waving goodbye to me. She closed the door behind her and I took a mug of coffee from underneath the machine and sipped it. Katniss stared down at her feet, her purse in her hands. "It's really good to see you. You look great."

In truth I'm sure I looked no different from what I usually look like. "I look like a hot mess." Katniss shrugged off her coat and I took it from her, folding it over one of the island stools. I could see now her white sweater that hugged her body and the slightly protruding roundness of her belly. For someone three months pregnant she wasn't really showing. And yet, she was beautiful. How does someone make pregnancy look so attractive? "You, on the other hand, look downright stunning."

"Oh please," Katniss retorted, untying her scarf and placing it on top of her jacket. "I look like a fashion-forward manatee." Despite her negativity, she blushed. That expression that a pregnant woman glows? She was glowing. I'm not sure how she did it, but she did.

"No," I said, unable to take my eyes off hers. I wanted to kiss her so badly. If I did, would it ruin everything? Would I just be diving back into a mess I wasn't prepared for? Did it matter? God, her lips. There was a faint smear of lip gloss on them and I wanted to taste it. I wanted to taste all of her.

"Was um," she trailed off, looking down at the floor. "Was that your girlfriend?"

I grinned and chuckled, taking another sip of my coffee. "Subtle." I raised my eyebrow. "What did you want to talk about? I'm sure it was not about whether or not I'm dating the girl you saw."

"It's a little bit about that," Katniss remarked defensively. Her arms crossed over her chest and I put my coffee down on the countertop. There was an anxiousness in the room that I wasn't sure was coming from me or coming from her. It settled in between us and it felt like two cars waiting at a red light in a drag race. "This is the part where I ask to be friends."

"You what?" I asked, pulled out of my confusing train of thought.

Katniss stepped forward, her gray eyes pinned on our feet. "This is the part where I ask to be friends. And you accept, because you're kind and forgiving even though you like to pretend you're not." I placed my hands on my hips and glared at her. She smiled as her eyes traveled up my body and rested on my face. "This is the part where we go get coffee and get caught up on the last three months. Coffee turns into dinner, which turns into an agonizing platonic friendship. We slip into this friendship that satisfies part of us, but not all of us. Because we're afraid. We're afraid to jump because we've both been hurt and it's scary.

"We talk. I suffer through you talking about that _girl _I saw walk out of here. I think I deserve it because of what I put you through with Peeta, so I don't say anything. I listen to you because I want you to be happy, but every day I hope that you don't fall in love with her. Every day I hope selfishly that you're still in love with me."

Her voice broke. Her voice, and my heart. "Then it's the part where I regret ever saying I wanted to be friends. Then it's the part where I go home every day empty because you were right. You were right the night you came to dinner." Her tiny, rounded belly touched my stomach as she placed her hands on my arms. "In that first moment, you know. You know immediately that you were incomplete, and with that person, you're whole. I knew the second you walked into my room with those flowers in your hand. I wanted to be yours.

"This is supposed to be the beginning of all that. And I know I deserve that pain for what I did to you. But can we please skip it?" Her gray eyes were glassy and her bottom lip quivered as she put both her hands around the sides of my neck. "Can we skip all of that and just be together? I don't want to be friends. I don't want to hear you talk about another girl, ever." She leaned down, pressing her forehead against mine, her lips breezing across my own. "I don't want anyone else's hands touching you, or anyone's fingers laced with yours. I don't want any lips but mine against your skin."

I didn't say anything. I felt her tears hit my cheeks and roll down my face. I missed her smell. I inhaled deeply to burn this moment into my brain, sear it into my memories with scent. The moment I knew I'd never love another person as long as I lived.

"This isn't going to be easy," I whispered, pulling my face back to look into her eyes. I used the pads of my thumbs to wipe away the tears running down her face, tracing her jaw as I searched her for a reaction.

I had never seen her eyes so intense. "I don't want easy. I want _you_."

_Well, I'm done for._

Our lips smashed together in a fervent, breathtaking kiss that felt a million years overdue. It was like coming home from a ten-year sea voyage. I missed the taste of her lips and the feel of her tongue against mine. I missed the way her breath hitched in her throat as my lips found their way to her pulse and kissed it softly.

We tumbled into my bedroom, a flurry of clothes coming off and teeth and lips scraping against skin. Every kiss was long and languid, putting forth every ounce of emotion I could muster from everywhere in my body. It felt like I had been frozen for months and was finally thawing from the heat of her skin. I straddled her hips, gazing down on her flushed, panting, naked form with what was probably the world's hugest smile on my face.

"You are fucking beautiful." I left her no room to protest as I leaned down and took her lips in another kiss, moving my hands up the sides of her stomach toward her breasts. My mouth left a glistening trail from her lips, down her neck to her breast as I swirled my tongue around her nipple, giving it a gentle suck and grinning as she bucked her hips against me.

My fingers of my free hand moved up to her mouth and she took them in and lapped around my fingertips, causing my eyes to roll back into my head. The wet tops of my fingers rolled against the breast I was neglecting with my mouth and she let out a loud groan that shook through my body. She allowed me to continue licking along her breast and collarbone until she grabbed a fistful of my hair and brought our mouths together. We broke apart and she gasped. "No more teasing. I can't..."

"You can't what?" I asked playfully, smiling against her cheek as she grunted in frustration.

She wrapped her fingers around my jaw and moved my face so we were gazing directly at each other. "Johanna Mason. I am three months pregnant. I am very horny and I haven't had sex since the last time we had sex together so if you don't make me cum soon I'm going to punch you in the face."

I laughed and moved my hands down her body, slowly sliding my fingers inside her wonderfully warm, dripping wet center. Her hands gripped my shoulders, fingernails digging into the skin of my shoulder blades. I couldn't help the delirious smile on my face as I watched her eyes squeeze shut in pleasure, her teeth gripping her lower lip to keep from crying out.

I kept a featherlight pressure on her clit, feeling how very close to orgasm she already was. I slowed down considerably, wanting to prolong this feeling for as long as possible. My lips placed gentle kisses along her throat and near her ear, murmuring "I love you" against her skin over and over again. My teeth grasped her earlobe as I curled my fingers inside of her.

I wasn't sure how long she was going to last until she pushed her fingers inside me. And then I didn't know how long _I _was going to last. I swore into her ear and she bucked her hips hard against my hand. "You feel amazing. You're really fucking close, aren't you?" She whimpered and nodded her head as I whispered into her ear. "Is this what you wanted baby? Me inside you?"

"_Goddamnit_ Johanna. Yes." She wrapped her hand around my neck and gripped her fingers against my skin, moving faster and harder inside me.

My legs began to tremble as I started to feel the oncoming climax building inside my body. I was running out of strength to support myself anymore. "Did you think about this? About how it would feel with my fingers filling you? How my tongue would feel against your clit, slowly making you tremble until you couldn't take it anymore?" Her thigh clenched against me and she mumbled a barely coherent "yes." "I bet you were so wet, aching for me to touch you, gagging for release." I don't know how neither one of us had climaxed yet, but she was so close, her legs trembling and her center so saturated there was barely any friction as I pushed inside her. "I missed the way you feel wrapped around me." She thrusted roughly into me and I gasped into her ear. "And inside me. God, I missed the way you taste. I can't wait to fuck you with my tongue again."

I felt her body go rigid beneath me, her walls closing in around my fingers in rapid succession as she cried out. Watching her open-mouthed gasping for air, hips sputtering against my hand, it was enough to send me over the edge just a few moments later, collapsing next to her with my hand still hovering over her folds, gently pushing against the wetness that had spilled out.

We laid there in the quiet for a while, my head on her chest listening to the rapid thumping of her heartbeat slowly ebb into a slow rhythm. The scent of her perfume and the salty smell of her natural pheromones filling my nostrils and making my head swim. I could barely comprehend that this was real. This wasn't some dream I'd wake from, sexually frustrated and depressed. The woman I adored was in my bed, her hand that was sticky with my arousal sliding against my back as we lay together.

It didn't matter what we were going to do from that moment forward, because I was never going to let her go again. I looked up at her and smiled. "You know, I sort of think this was all Prim's idea." Katniss's gray eyes widened and I rolled my eyes. "Not _this _this. But getting us back together." She hummed her agreement and I smiled. "She said you asked about me a lot."

Katniss rubbed her nose on the top of my head. "I did. I asked about you every time she saw you. How you looked, what you wore, if you looked happy. I'm sure she's just tired of hearing me ask so she figured she'd help."

"She said she thought you loved me."

Katniss smiled, placing a kiss on my forehead, then the tip of my nose, then my lips. "She _is_ exceptionally smart." She continued to lace wet kisses along my neck and behind my ear, making my entire body shudder and a new wave of arousal settle in my stomach.

"Well I guess one of you has to be." She bit down on the side of my neck, pulling a gasp from my throat. She whispered something like "bitch" into my ear and I grinned. "True, but you love me."

"I do."

* * *

Author's Note (Part DEUX): This is not the end. Because I'm a chump. *glare*

Thank you for all the reviews! It makes my day to hear what you think of the chapters.


	9. The Baby

My hands held firm to Katniss's shoulders as I walked her forward and down the hallway. Katniss had explained several times on the drive that she "hated surprises" and "thought this was a bad idea" but as usual, I ignored her. In truth, I had driven her in circles because the surprise was actually inside my apartment, where I had began our journey. I opened the door and led her inside, her hands out in front of her like a kid trying to play pin the tail on the donkey.

She was seven months pregnant now, her belly much rounder than before. Walking took an extra bit of effort, though she still looked flawless with every step, even with the slight waddle. She whirled around and turned to me, her blindfolded face looking at me. "We're in your apartment," she stated flatly.

"How did you know that?" I asked, turning her back around.

"It smells like you," she responded, a smile in her voice. "And a little like me, which is nice." I walked her to the spare bedroom and opened the door, ushering her inside. She finally felt confused as she reached out to grab something that did not exist. I flicked on the light. "Wait, we _are_ in your apartment, right?"

"Yup." I went around in front of her, standing by the farthest wall.. "Are you ready?"

"Why did we leave the apartment just to come back?"

I stomped my foot. "Don't ruin the surprise, spoil sport! Are you ready?"

She smiled. "Yes, dear."

"Okay you can take off the blindfold." I watched her eyes as she took in the room I had once used as a dark room. Gone were the giant sinks and tubs of chemicals, the string of red lights and the makeshift revolving door. Instead it was a pale green room with a mahogany crib in the corner, next to a matching rocking chair and changing table. The floor's old cement was now a plush mushroom brown carpet.

I snapped a photo of her immediate reaction.

It had been extremely difficult to get the work on the nursery done without Katniss noticing. She had all but moved into my apartment a few weeks after we reconciled but because of the chemicals I didn't allow her in the second bedroom. The building had to be done during the day while she was at work, as well as the moving in of the baby furniture. Cressida had even taken a week off to help me get some of it done. She had painted vines similar to the ones tattooed on her head along the walls, making his room look a little like a jungle. It was forest green, Katniss's favorite color, with a few splashes of red (my favorite color). Along another wall I had Cressida paint some flowers, especially lilies, to line the wall and break up the green monotony. Besides, flowers were kind of my thing. If the kid was going to be around me, he'd have to learn the difference between posies and poppies eventually.

Her eyes filled with tears as she walked around the room. She touched the small dresser in another corner, the tiny basketball hoop over the closet, the small bookshelf next to the rocking chair; I had built nearly everything myself except for the crib, which my father had built for me. "Now I'm not pressing any gender norms on him," I said, coming up behind her, "but I always wanted a basketball hoop on my door as a kid. I figured he would, too." I wrapped my arms around her, kissing the side of her neck. "Do you like it?"

"I love it," she replied breathlessly, holding my arms around her. "When did you even do all of this?"

I shrugged and continued to kiss her neck, pausing only to inhale the scent of her perfume. "Here and there over the last few months. I figured with the baby coming I couldn't exactly keep a dark room full of toxic chemicals."

She whirled around, throwing her arms around my neck. "Where will you develop your photos?" There was a genuine worry in her eyes that made me smile. _Selfless_.

"Who cares?" I kissed the tip of her nose and smiled. I bent down, coming nose-to-belly-button with the womb housing our boy and held it between my hands. "All that matters is that this little guy has a place when he finally decides to get the hell out of there."

Katniss groaned. "I know, right? He's like a squatter." She affectionately rubbed her stomach over her tank top. She moved away from me, running her fingers along the sides of the crib. "I can't believe you did all this. Thank you. It wasn't necessary. We could have, you know, _bought _furniture."

I snorted. "Please. My father built that crib for me so I knew it was safe. I don't trust any of that plastic garbage they sell at Babies-R-Us. You know what's sturdy? Wood. Trees. This is the safest damn nursery in the country."

Katniss scrunched her nose. "All right Ron Swanson."

"And don't thank me. It's all just a ploy to make sure you stay put after he's born. I don't want you running off to your mother's. I want you, and him, here with me."

Katniss grinned and tossed her arms around my neck again, pulling me into a deep kiss. Her eyes searched mine happily. "I can assure you there is no place he or I would rather be."

I smiled widely. Never in my imagination - okay, well, that's not exactly true. I _had _imagined Katniss and me as a family. I had many daydreams about us raising kids, living together as a couple, getting into fights with amazing make-up sex, unable to decide where to go to dinner, all that good stuff. Everything that other people might think was the boring minutia of a relationship, but I'd adore every moment of it. With the other girls I had slept with I never envisioned a future passed the morning cup of coffee. But with Katniss ...from the second I saw her in that dress it was like seeing my entire future flash before my eyes - dating, marriage, kids, getting old - my entire life in a moment.

And now here we were. The situation was not ideal, of course, with her carrying her ex-husband's baby and us living in my tiny apartment in the city, but we made do. We could be living under a bridge with forty of Peeta's kids and I'd be happy as long as she was there. That's the sick kind of in love I am with her.

She sat down in the rocking chair, moving it back and forth as she looked around the room. My grin widened as I looked at her shirt - one of the tank tops I had bought her with an angry purple dinosaur on it that said "Pregosaurus Rex." Initially she had been offended, but with her mood swings and morning irritability, the nickname was accurate. She oscillated between anger and lust most of the time, either demanding to be left alone to eat ice cream and cry, or demanding my attention sexually. Either way I obliged her, though I much favored the latter.

"I don't wanna go to Finnick's party," she whined, pouting at me. "I wanna stay here and look at all the cuteness."

Finnick's dalliance with some redhead at Katniss's wedding had evidently turned into a baby. Neither I nor Katniss had met the woman yet since we were on the periphery of Finnick's friendship after she left Peeta, but he had invited us to the shindig welcoming baby Finnick into the world. I glanced at the clock - a little green one with a flower in it - and frowned.

"I'm sorry baby girl," I replied, crossing over to her and holding my arms out. I pulled her up and into a hug, stroking her back. "We'll make it quick. Drop off the present, say our hellos and congratulations, everyone will want to rub your belly and I'll punch anyone that gets too close, we'll leave."

Katniss giggled. "Prim will want to stay longer," she said, nuzzling her nose into my shoulder. "She adores Finnick. And babies. And Peeta."

"Yeah whatever, she likes me more." Katniss pulled away and grinned at me, pecking me on the lips. "It won't be so bad. You can look at _my_ cuteness there."

She seemed to pause on that thought, brushing my hair from my face. "I'm sorry if this is going to be awkward for you to see Peeta."

I hadn't given it much thought. At first I was hesitant to agree to go to this party for that reason, but Prim so desperately wanted us to go with her. I reasoned that since Peeta and I were both going to be permanent parts of the baby's life, then we had better begin getting along. His familial situation was already going to be hard to explain without us complicating it further with petty disagreements.

"I don't care," I replied honestly after a few moments of silence. "This little guy," I said, patting her belly, "is going to keep us connected. If he doesn't like it then he can kiss my ass."

"Charming."

* * *

With Prim in tow we arrived at Finnick's party in his house, which was a huge place near the beach. A row of blue balloons sticking out of the ground led us around the back of the large estate to the backyard, where there had to be like 200 people. Katniss looked over at me above Prim's head and grimaced. I held her hand tightly and handed Prim our gifts.

"Do you mind putting these on the gifts table?" I asked, pointing her in the direction of the two long fold-out tables with what looked like around forty-thousand gifts in different shades of blue wrapping paper.

"Okay!" Prim scampered off toward the other side of the yard and I leaned in, kissing Katniss's temple.

I brushed my lips against her ear as I spoke. "All we have to do is find Finnick and his fiancee and thank them for the invitation and then we can bail, okay?"

She rubbed her ear on her shoulder and shot me a glare. "Okay new rule, no whispering in my ear that close with your lips," her eyes dropped down, "and that mouth. Because I am thinking a bunch of thoughts that are not age appropriate for this party right now."

I frowned. "Aw, come on. Pregnant Katniss is no fun." I crossed my arms over my chest and stuck out my tongue at her, prompting her to pinch my elbow and make me wince. "Ow. Pregnant Katniss is violent." I pouted.

"Pregnant Katniss has to pee because there is a _being _leaning on my bladder, so I'm going to find a bathroom." She gave me a quick kiss. "Don't stray too far."

As if I could. Prim found her way back to me as Katniss waddled for a bathroom, and she took my hand in hers. "C'mon, I found Finnick and that girl. You said we had to say hi." I _did _say that, I thought regretfully. I allowed Prim to lead me to a table where a man in a crisp white button-down with near-white dockers on stood, talking to a weirdly familiar looking redhead holding a baby.

Finnick looked over at me, first with surprise, then a warm smile. "Johanna! I'm glad you could make it." His seafoam eyes peered around me. "Where's Katniss?"

"Bathroom," I explained. The redhaired girl gave me a sympathetic smile. Suddenly it dawned on me where I knew her from: she was the poor girl who was crying on me at my shop. I guess her telling her boyfriend about the pregnancy went better than she thought, if the rock on her finger was any indication. "Congratulations to both of you. He's gorgeous."

"Now pay the baby a compliment, it's not all about me," Finnick joked, getting a nudge from his soon-to-be bride. I chuckled as Prim went forward, leaning up on her toes to see the baby cradled in her arms. "This is Annie, by the way. And baby Jack. Annie, this is Johanna Mason, and this is Primrose Everdeen."

I reached out and shook her hand underneath baby's swaddle, smiling. "Johanna and I met before." She blushed. "I'm sorry I was a wreck that day." Her green eyes looked to Finnick. "I just about sobbed all over her shirt."

Finnick narrowed his eyes in confusion. "She came into my shop looking for a flower because she was about to tell a charming, self-proclaimed bachelor that she was with his child and she wasn't sure of his reaction."

Finnick's expression slowly went bright with realization as he wrapped his arm protectively around Annie's back. "Oh, then I should be thanking you. The blue flowers were nice." His eyes shot over to a woman with sandy blonde hair hanging off the arm of a burly looking man. "Annie, would you mind peeling my mother off your uncle?" Annie chuckled and kissed Finnick on the cheek before walking herself and Jack, along with tagalong Prim, toward the woman. Finnick looked at me sternly. "I really am glad you came. I invited Peeta as well, so I wasn't sure you'd come. I wanted to apologize for my behavior."

"There's nothing to apologize for," I replied, waving my hand. "You're his best friend. You stood up for him at his wedding and I was sleeping with his wife. You were well within your right as a friend. If it were my friend, I'd have done the same -" I stopped mid-sentence and smirked. "Actually I wouldn't have been as nice. Either way, _she_ should have let me know."

Finnick nodded, giving me a small, half-smile. "Peeta tells me he's never seen Katniss look happier. I guess it was all meant to be then, yeah?" He looked over my shoulder and quickly changed his expression from somber to his usual grinning face. "Speak of the devil, Mr. Mellark. Glad to see you."

I stepped back and allowed Peeta into our conversation. I hadn't seen him since the day he came home from his business trip, but he looked okay. He had gone with Katniss to one of her doctor's appointments when I was busy but she didn't say how he was. The same neatly cropped blond hair, the same puppy-dog blue eyes. I don't know what I had expected, it _had_ been nearly four months. Like he was going to show up to this kid's party with dark circles under his eyes or look like a homeless man. Granted if Katniss left me, that's certainly what I would look like. "Hey."

"Hey Johanna," he greeted, holding out his hand. I shook it and never felt more awkward in my entire life. _I use this hand on your wife._ "How have you been?"

_Fucking your wife._ "Good," I replied, giving him what I was assuming was a genuine smile. Not a smug 'Haha, she chose me' grin like I wanted. "And yourself?"

"Good." He pursed his lips and the three of us stood there, surrounded by the chatter of the other guests and the clinking of glassware. "Finnick, do you mind if I speak to Johanna alone a moment?"

The sandy-haired man nodded his head. "I'm sure there's a woman or two here I need to steer away from Annie, lest she hear a tale or two I don't want her to. Enjoy the party." He patted us both on the back and walked away, casting a nervous glance over his shoulder at us. What was Peeta going to do, punch me in front of everyone at the party?

I opened my mouth to speak but he held up his hand. "Let me. I don't want to hear an apology."

I scoffed. "I wasn't going to give you one." _I'm not sorry about fucking your wife, buddy._

Briefly I saw a flash of anger in his eyes but he reeled it in and cleared his throat. "I loved Katniss. I still do. I want her to be happy. More than anything I wanted to be the cause of that happiness in her." His downcast gaze came up to look me in the eye. "It was painfully obvious to us both that I was not. And I don't know how much of that had to do with you, and how much of it was just it not being right."

I raised my eyebrow at him, tilting my head to the side. "Why are you telling me this? You don't owe me an explanation."

"I just," he replied quickly, before inhaling a deep breath. "I just wanted to say that while it may take me a while, I want us all - you, me and Katniss - to be okay. I don't want this kid growing up like I did, with parents who hate each other." He got a faraway look in his eyes, the kind that holds a lifetime of memories behind it. "I'm just saying I understand what happened. The way she feels about you, and the way I hope you feel about her, it's what I felt fifteen years ago when I saw her the first time. If anyone understands being struck by the unstoppable force, it's me. But in Katniss's life, I was the immovable object. Which meant I had to get out of the way."

I was dumbstruck. A confrontation I would have been prepared for, with a lifetime of practice. But this was his olive branch. His way of saying that the situation is fucked up and I'm not entirely forgiven, but our love for her and for this unborn baby is a truce. "I really hope he gets your temperament. Because if Katniss's recent behavior is any indication of how angry she can get, we're all in trouble."

Peeta laughed, running his fingers through his hair and leveling his soft blue gaze at me. "You mean she hasn't gotten mad at you yet?" I shook my head. Of course she hasn't. Not really. She gets about halfway to mad and I just kiss her and make her shut up. "Oh man. She can get pretty heated. One time I forgot to take some cookies out of the oven and I filled the house with smoke. She got home from work and I'm trying to waft the smoke out the window. I thought she was gonna strangle me."

Katniss began approaching from behind Peeta, her gray eyes enlarged with worry. I gave her a smile and waved her over. Slowly she crossed the grass and came around to my side and I placed my hand on the small of her back, rubbing small circles there. "Hey Katniss. You look great."

He was so effortless in his ability to communicate. I had forgotten what he did for a living, but I hoped it was something with marketing or communications because the man was not rattled. He seemed to possess the ability to put everyone at ease, whereas I possessed the ability to make everyone uncomfortable and slightly afraid.

"I look huge, but thank you anyway." She smiled at him. "Did I hear you telling Johanna about the time you nearly burned the house down?"

Peeta groaned and looked at her with his smiling gaze. "Exaggerate much?" He looked over at me. "It was a little smoke. It's not like the whole town was catching fire."

Katniss rolled her eyes and sighed. "Why exactly did that come up?"

"I was saying how I hope the baby has Peeta's even keel because you have a tendency to fly off the handle." Katniss moved her mouth into an offended shape and crossed her arms over her chest. Peeta and I shared a glance - _Katniss _- and I chuckled. "Sorry to say that it's true. You possess neither Peeta's calm nor Primrose's steadfast logic." My teasing grin melted into a warm smile. "You are a woman of passion. That's one of the infinite reasons why I love you."

Katniss quirked a darkened eyebrow at me and narrowed her gray gaze. "Nice save, Mason. But you're not off the hook." A silence settled between the three of us, heavy with awkwardness. Peeta shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Have you ladies eaten yet? The appetizers are really good. They have something like a little mini pizza on a bagel. But not that frozen one, but -"

"Mini pizzas?" Katniss interrupted, her eyes now scanning the backyard for someone in a serving uniform. Whoever that poor man or woman was, they were about to get a face full of Katniss prodding them for pizza. "C'mon, Jo, let's go find mini pizzas."

"It was nice seeing you, Peeta," I said as Katniss looped her arm around mine and dragged me away from the blond man. That had gone much better than I expected. The tenacity was still there, mostly because of me, but we were okay. Hopefully there wouldn't be an issues going forward. If we could act civilly even though I had stolen the love of his life to be the love of _my _life, then surely we could raise this kid up.

* * *

The day the baby was born was one of the worst rainstorms I had ever seen. Katniss and I were on our couch and I was thoroughly whooping her butt in Scrabble. Nine months pregnant and looking about every day of those months she was hunched over the board, glaring at the tiles. His due date and come and gone over the weekend, so by Monday we were waiting every day for him to make an appearance.

Finally, at around five at night, Katniss's hand went to her stomach, her eyes squeezed shut in pain. The board and tiles went flying on the floor, scattered across the carpet as I leapt up from my seat. I had done trials runs of this like I had seen on I Love Lucy. Her overnight bag was packed and next to the door, my car was packed with baby things and emergency stuff. Everything was set.

I was still a wreck. I drove as quickly and safely as possible, fumbling with my cell phone as I called the first number that came to mind. My mother. "Mom?" My panicked voice rang through the line.

"Johanna? Is everything all right? Are you okay?"

Even just the sound of her voice calmed me a little. "Mom, it's Katniss. She's in labor. I'm driving to the hospital now and I don't know what else to do?"

My mother calmly laughed. "Oh baby, there's nothing else you can do. Get her there safely. I'll be there soon. Call her mother when you get her checked in, okay?" I nodded, dumbly not realizing she couldn't very well see me through the damn phone. "How far apart are her contractions?"

I put the phone on my shoulder and looked at my girlfriend. "How far apart are your contractions?"

Wild eyes glared at me from the passenger seat. "Not far apart enough. Keep your eyes on the fucking road!"

I put the phone back to my ear. "Yeah, I'm gonna have to go now. I'll call her mother. I'll see you soon, Mom."

* * *

The baby didn't come for a while. The doctor had warned us that sometimes labor is a "hurry up and wait" situation. Her water had broken but she wasn't fully dilated so we were to sit and relax for a while. Easy for her to say. Katniss was in pain every couple of minutes and I was beside myself on how to help her. Peeta showed up about an hour into our waiting, calm as he always was, which only served to make me angrier.

Her sister sat in the waiting room with my mother, Cressida, Finnick, Annie and their baby. I had called every single one of them as part of my mania when we had gotten to the hospital. I had even called Verbena to see if she was on duty. She wasn't, but assured me she would come in later on as Katniss got closer to her birth.

And then it happened.

With Peeta and I on one side and her mother on the other, Katniss began pushing in the middle throes of birth. I wiped her forehead, trying to will some of her pain onto me. Seeing her in such excruciating pain made my heart hurt. They don't tell you in the baby books how much it hurts the other person to see their wife in labor. Her face twisted, her forehead sweaty, her face pale; I could just about keep myself from crying.

"Can't you give her anything for the pain?" I finally barked at the doctor, who was elbow deep trying to get the little thing out of her.

"It's too late," she replied calmly, her eyes flicking to me from behind her glasses. "She's too far in for any more epidurals or pain medication."

"She's fine," Peeta stated in what I'm sure he thought was a calm, neutral voice. All I heard was "I don't care" and I lost my shit. "She doesn't need it. She's almost through."

"Actually she's got a while of pushing left," the doctor replied unhelpfully from behind her mask. "But we can't administer the pain medication."

I snarled. "Well somebody better do something because this is fucking ridiculous."

"Johanna, calm down," Peeta said to me. You know what the single worst thing to say to someone who is angry? _Calm down_.

"You fucking calm down! You're the one that did this to her!" My voice was high and shrill as I directed all my misguided anger toward him. "This is all your fucking fault!"

"Johanna?" Katniss's voice came from beside me and I looked at her. "Stop yelling." She let out another hard scream and I turned to Peeta.

Peeta motioned to me. "See? Now you're upsetting Katniss."

I glared at him. "Are you fucking kidding? You know what's upsetting Katniss? Pushing out your spawn!" I yelled, standing from my hunched over position.

Peeta's normally pale face was flush. "This is ridiculous. You are out of control right now, Johanna!"

"You're out of fucking control!" I spat back. "Don't fucking tell me to calm down! Look how much pain she's in!"

"I can see that! But you're not helping! You're just making this worse!"

"I am trying to make it better, which is more than I can say for you!"

"Yeah because your screaming is really gonna help Katniss push my baby out. Get a fucking grip!"

"_Your_ baby?" I seethed. Peeta knew it immediately. He hadn't meant it, but it pricked under my skin. I hauled back and punched him directly in the nose. Well, his nose and some of his cheek beneath his eye.

And that's how we ended up in the hallway outside the birthing room, chairs a few feet apart. Peeta held a blue ice pack to his face while I held my face in my hands. Katniss was still screaming inside but the doctor had kicked us out until we could "calm down." I almost punched _her _in the face, too.

My mother appeared, staring down at the pair of us like scolded children. "Johanna Mason I am very, very disappointed in you." My mother laid the guilt into me as I gazed down at the tile. My knuckle was bloody from punching Peeta, and a little swollen, but I was too proud to ask for some ice. "How could you possibly think to hit Peeta? Your girlfriend is in there having a baby. _Your_ baby. _Both_ of yours. And you have the audacity to fight? Are you a child?"

"No," I responded solemnly.

"Really? Because that's how you're acting. Birth is birth. Yes, Katniss is in pain. But it will all be over soon. That baby will come out and he will come out into a room full of love, not bickering schoolchildren." She placed her hands on her hips as I looked up at her. "Now apologize."

I didn't want to miss the birth of our child because of my temper. I looked over at Peeta glumly. "I'm sorry."

It was genuine enough. I looked up at my mom, just as I'd done a thousand times when I had to apologize for beating someone up, and she nodded at me. "Apology accepted," Peeta said from the side of me. "I think we both know who'll be teaching our son to defend himself."

I let out a short laugh and shook my head. The doctor had ordered us both out and now we were on the precipice of not seeing our son being born because I have pride issues. My mother walked away and went back toward the waiting room with everyone else, no doubt to let them know of what I had done. Cressida would understand.

Verbena came down the hallway, dressed in her jeans with a scrub top and her hair in a net, mask around her neck. I stood up, my eyes wide. "Thank god you're here. I need to get back into that room."

She smirked at me and looked to Peeta. "This was your doing? How could you punch the father of your baby? Are you nuts?"

I pouted, looking down toward the ground, chastised again. "Katniss was in pain and I lost my cool."

"I would venture to say you never _had _your cool, but I don't want to get punched again." Peeta looked over at me and smiled from behind the ice pack against his face.

V sighed and went toward the door. "Luckily for you, I interned with Dr. Coin so I might be able to get you back in the room. Stay put." She entered the birthing room, pulling her mask up from around her neck. One of Katniss's long wails sounded as she did so and my heart clenched. I felt Peeta put his hand on my shoulder.

After what felt like around one million years V finally emerged, pulling the mask down from on her face. We stared at her expectantly. "You can both go in. Quietly. No more arguing, definitely no more punching," she emphasized, glaring at me. "And just in time, too. He's just about to crown."

I grabbed her into a quick hug. "Thank you," I whispered into her hair. I knew I owed her a thousand favors. She had accepted the end of our casual fling with more grace than I thought a young woman capable. We met on occasion for lunch and I routinely sent her flowers every other month to brighten up her desk, and once to congratulate her when she had been promoted at work. But this was going above and beyond the call of duty for someone who all I did was have sex with.

Then again, I am _really_ good.

She nodded toward the door and went around me, pushing both Peeta and I back into the room. She had been right, when we entered the doctor was just about to begin pulling his head out. I rushed to Katniss's side as Peeta positioned himself near the doctor.

I smoothed her hair on her forehead and she looked at me, her eyes meeting mine and she even managed a small smile. "You're back. Don't leave anymore, please, okay?" Her voice was hoarse from her screaming and I nodded.

"I'm here baby," I whispered, placing a kiss on her temple. I smoothed her hair back and took her hand in mine. "Now squeeze my hand and push this kid out for once and for all."

She nearly broke my hand in her vice grip but it did the trick. The room was suddenly filled with the soft cry of a newborn. It was kind of gross. He dripped with blood and matter, all scrawny and crying. But it was possibly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. After the clamping and severing of cords, the cleaning of noses and swaddling, the doctor finally handed the baby to Peeta, who gingerly held the boy in his arms. I felt like a real jerk for ruining the moment because his poor cheek was swollen and he had a tiny white bandage on his nose.

Katniss's mother began sobbing at near hysterical levels as Peeta handed the baby to me with a wide smile. "Our boy," he whispered, even though the soft voice was unnecessary. The baby was crying so loud I could barely hear Mrs. Everdeen's loud bawls. He squirmed in my arms, letting out little wails with his tiny eyes shut.

My own eyes filled with tears as I grasped his little hand. "Hey kid." I rubbed my eye with my shoulder to try and prevent my tears from falling onto the newborn. "Welcome to the planet."

I slowly bent down and handed him to Katniss. I felt Peeta's arm go over my shoulder as we both looked down at the pair of them. Even there, just after giving birth, she looked amazing. I'm not even sure I'm capable of the vocabulary to describe her. She looked like what I imagine the gates of Heaven look like after they open. Her holding our baby was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen. Every Christmas, birthday, goal achieved, great meal eaten, all rolled into one thing. It was overwhelming.

I sniffed back my tears as Peeta moved away to go toward the doctor to handle something. Whatever it was I didn't care. He mentioned some words about letting everyone know the baby was born and he left the room quietly.

I pulled the chair next to the bed and placed my arm over Katniss's stomach, laying my head next to hers. "He's beautiful." Katniss looked at me and smiled, the happiest, purest smile I think anyone has ever given. She was exhausted but clearly thrilled. Her eyes were never clearer.

"You have a name yet?" the nurse asked, clipboard in her hand. She looked toward us expectantly, her tongue between her teeth.

I looked at Katniss who was staring down at the boy. His eyes were now open a bit, just tiny little flecks of gray staring back up at her. We had decided on a name four months earlier but we had told no one. Not even Peeta. It was our little secret, our gift to each other. It hadn't even been an entire conversation. Once we had learned the gender we sort of shared a look and we knew.

"Oliver James."

* * *

Author's Note: I know my other story is due an update but I imagined that hospital scene and it had to happen. It's also 1am and I've done a lot of drinking and have to go do some more drinking evidently but I wrote this chapter at work and you're all welcome.

Edit: Wow my favorite typo in this chapter was "soon-to-be-bridge." Finnick was turning Annie into his bridge. That's what happens when Hemingway's advice to "write drunk, edit sober" becomes "write drunk, edit drunk, be drunk all the time."


	10. The Sleepover

I peered over at the clock next to the bed and made a sad whimper. 4:01AM. Oliver's cries could be heard loud and clear through the apartment and I felt Katniss shuffle next to me and groan. My bedroom was ensconced in darkness with the exception of the monitor next to my side of the bed, which illuminated the side of the room in a pale white glow.

"How does he exist with no sleep?" I asked sleepily, rubbing my eyes and willing myself to be awake. Katniss mumbled something unintelligible into the blanket and shifted closer to me, wrapping her arm around my waist. "Like how is he even alive right now? He's only slept five minutes in the last five days."

"Leave him for a second. If we keep rushing there he'll never sleep through the night." I stared up at the ceiling and inhaled a deep breath that I hoped was relaxing. But the boy's piercing cries shook around inside my brain. Katniss could feel me tense and she held me tighter. "That's not a hungry cry. That's a fake cry."

"I don't think newborns cry for no reason," I responded, turning on my side so I could face Katniss. This was week ten of Oliver's life and I swear I think he slept for about twenty minutes across the last two months. "What if he fell out of the crib? What if he's stuck _in_ the crib?" The panic in my voice rose to comical levels.

"What if he got out and is making us all pancakes and he's crying because he can't reach the syrup?" I glared at Katniss as she smiled at me, kissing the tip of my nose. "If he had fallen out of the crib, we would have heard it over the baby monitor. Or seen it," she gestured toward the small screen next to my bed, "on this big brother contraption you insisted on buying." She closed her eyes and snuggled further into her pillow. "Besides, he can't fall out of that crib. It's the 'safest crib on the planet' remember?"

She was right, of course. I looked over at the screen and saw Oliver wailing in his crib, clenched fists shaking next to his body. He was fine. Maybe he pooped himself. Evidently there was a need to cry profusely when one poops oneself. After five solid minutes of crying Katniss released her grip around my waist and I got out of bed. Katniss had been the one who usually tended to him, since half the time the little guy was just starving and I could not be of service. But I tried to be helpful sometimes. I padded into the nursery, wincing as the cries were infinitely louder in his room. I should have just padded the walls like a cell in an insane asylum or a rock band studio.

"C'mon OJ," I pleaded, picking up the boy from his crib and hoisting him over my shoulder. "Calm down for me, okay? I know it's hard because being a baby is rough times." He began to quiet down a little, his cries now less forceful. "I mean, what is this world, right? You've only been on the planet for like seventy-something days. Everything is new. Poop is new, pee is new, all smells are new. Every time you see something it's the first time and your little baby brain is confused. I'm sure that's pretty tough."

I rubbed his back and he began to breathe more slowly, his little fuzzy head warming my shoulder. "But 4am is not the time to be contemplating your life here in the universe. Why? Because your mommies have to function in the morning and, as you'll learn when you're older, sleep is necessary for that. So please, _please_ go the fuck to sleep," I whispered softly as I bounced the boy up and down and paced the room.

After a few minutes of the bouncing he had finally fallen asleep again and I crept slowly back toward the crib. As if I was diffusing a bomb I moved him back into his crib, not wanting to even breathe too hard and wake him up again. I placed him back in the crib and tip-toed toward the door in the darkness, reaching for the door handle. The moment I turned it, the cries started up again.

I hung my head in defeat and walked back to the crib. I guess I was waking up at 4am today.

* * *

I didn't hear the scrape of the door against the rug of the front of my shop with my head down on the counter. Katniss was going to the doctor for a check-up and then lunch with her mother, so since Peeta was working, I was entrusted to care for Oliver. For the first time in what felt like about twenty years he was asleep, so I disengaged the bell on the door. I had him in one of those "carry and go" sleeping contraptions next to me, and I was on the stool next to the register. Somewhere in the last hour my head had hit the counter and I was fast asleep.

Peeta tapped me on the arm and I woke up with a jolt, nearly falling off the stool. "I could've robbed the place, you know," Peeta said jokingly and I pressed my hand over his mouth.

"Do not speak louder than a whisper. Don't even _think _loud thoughts," I warned in the lightest tone I could. "He has fallen asleep and it's a miracle." My eyes went wide as I looked at him. "I haven't sleep a whole night in months. All I get are naps. All that exists in the world is diapers and naps."

Peeta chuckled under his breath and peeked over the counter to look down at the boy. He smiled at Oliver's sleeping form. He was really cute. A little swirl of light brown hair and a tiny nose with a little rounded end. He was also kinda pudgy and, according to Katniss, looked like what Peeta looked like as a baby. In my estimation he might be the greatest baby ever born. Then again, I'm biased. "He's awesome."

"He truly is." I yawned and stretched my limbs, looking over at the blond man. "What brings you here?"

"I was on my lunch break and I thought I'd come and visit," he said casually, leaning down to sniff one of the flowers. "I know you guys have had it rough the last couple weeks." With Peeta working more and both Katniss and I available a lot, it made more sense for Oliver to spend more time with us for the time being. Their divorce was not final anyway, and the most obvious conclusion was to allow Peeta whatever time he wanted, but most of the boy's time was spent at my apartment.

"On a normal day he'd be awake but I drugged him so he's fast asleep," I ribbed, rocking the tiny bed back and forth. Oliver stirred but did not waken, and I expelled the breath I had been holding. "Did you not sleep well as a baby?"

Peeta shrugged. "I don't know actually. I'm the last of four boys so I don't think anyone was paying attention anyway." Peet grabbed a nearby stood and sat himself by Oliver's feet, watching his son sleep. Over the last two months things had calmed down considerably. Doctor Coin had suggested I "seek therapy" because of my violent outburst. She wasn't wrong, of course. I'm sure I looked absolutely nuts punching this guy in the face.

I just had to keep reminding myself that it was okay to let go of some of the control. Having been with Katniss every day for the last six months of her pregnancy, I felt protective of both of them. I felt like Peeta hadn't done a good enough job. If he had, maybe she wouldn't have left him, you know? I realized, though, that statement wasn't fair. My love for Katniss, and hers for me, is not a reflection on Peeta's poor spousal abilities. Or his value as a person.

That switch is hard to turn off, though. Oliver made a quiet mewl like a cat and stretched, blinking gray eyes rapidly. Peeta smiled and slid his hands underneath the baby before I could protest and lifted him from the carrier. I sighed and Peeta looked at me, blue eyes darting between me and the baby. "What?"

"He wasn't awake. You ...he's gonna cry." I took my upper lip in my mouth and grimaced, waiting for the inevitable wail. Peeta looked at me and grinned. "See? He's fine. He knows Daddy's here and he's gonna -" Oliver let out a cry so shriek I think it woke the dead. Peeta looked momentarily frazzled but then stood up, rocking the baby in his arms and shushing him.

"I told you," I grumbled, watching him walk around the shop with the inconsolable infant.

"Well, yeah, after I picked him up which wasn't exactly helpful." He focused his attention back on the baby, rubbing his back and whispering words into his ear. Oliver was having none of it. Neither was I.

"Because you picked him up the second he moved! Just because he made a noise doesn't mean he was in the mood to be handled." I rolled my eyes. "I guess that explains how Katniss got pregnant."

When I was eight I had to see a therapist for around three months because I had told a boy on the playground to play in traffic because he insisted I was his girlfriend. I firmly maintained that I was within my right to tell him to essentially kill himself because he was treating me like a commodity. My teachers disagreed and they told me to think about my words before I speak. I should have a filter from brain to mouth because my words can hurt people's feelings.

Now I won't even get into how fucked up it is to try and blame me for his harassment, but that moment pulled up in my brain again as I saw Peeta's angry look. I had completely crossed a line and we both knew it. Peeta scoffed and looked around at the flowers, still bouncing Oliver in his arms. "You know, I think I have been pretty nice about this whole situation. I welcomed you into _my_ life, had you at _my_ wedding, invited you into _my_ home and what did you do?" He narrowed his blue eyes at me. "You slept with my wife. I know you love her and that's wonderful but you need to take a step back and realize how truly selfish you are." He paused in his steps, squaring his jaw. "I thought it couldn't be you. It couldn't possibly be Johanna. She's been such a great friend to us, she loves Prim, she's that nice florist who wouldn't possibly want to ruin my marriage. But it _was_ you. Yet you have the fucking audacity to act like _I'm _the outsider?"

I wasn't sure I had ever heard Peeta curse before. I was so startled I couldn't form a response, my mouth just opened and closed like a fish in water. "I..."

"Katniss and I had our problems but we were working on it. It was good for a while, you know?" he asked rhetorically, lowering his voice as Oliver's cries began to die down. "And if she had stayed with me out of guilt that would've been fine, wouldn't it?" Peeta laughed at his own expense, shaking his head. "I thought we were good. I thought she and I were gonna get through this. That maybe if I paid more attention..." He sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "I couldn't figure out what you offered her that I didn't."

"It's not that simple."

"I thought it could be," he replied quickly. He held Oliver in the crook of his arm, rocking him back and forth with ease. He was truly a natural with him; some people are just born to be parents. "The day she told me she was pregnant she left me." I widened my eyes in surprise. He looked equally as surprised at my reaction. "She didn't tell you?"

I shook my head. "She called me and said 'everything's changed' but I hung up on her. I figured she was pregnant so she had clearly made her choice."

He hoisted the baby on his broad shoulder and cradled his back, still bouncing on his heels in spite of the fact that Oliver was already back asleep. "No. She told me she was pregnant and that she didn't love me anymore. It was like being punched in the gut on Christmas morning." He leveled his gaze at me, his sky blue eyes glossy. "I begged her to stay."

"Look, Peeta, I didn't intend to -"

"It doesn't matter what your intentions were, Johanna," he cut in, ice in his tone. "You knew very well what you were doing. You were present at my wedding and yet you felt it necessary to pursue my wife. I know you didn't owe me anything but come on. If the roles were reversed, you would not be standing where I'm standing right now. You would've beaten the snot out of me the second you found out I was sleeping with your wife." He raised his eyebrow as if to challenge me to refute him. I didn't. "And you would not have let me in this baby's life. Especially if I showed up at the birth acting like I single-handedly grew this child myself and then punched you in the face."

I grimaced. "All right, I get it. You're a bigger, better person than me. I'm the worst human that's ever lived." It was dripping with sarcasm but I meant most of it. Peeta rolled his eyes at me and I crossed my arms over my chest. "I can't take it back, Peeta. I wouldn't. I'm really sorry that your life got messed up but I can't do anything to change what happened or how Katniss and I feel about each other."

"I'm not asking you to." He handed Oliver to me and I transferred the quiet infant into his bed. I placed my hand on his belly and smoothed his swaddle. "I'm asking you to be civil. I'm really trying here and you acting like I'm an intruder in my own son's life is ridiculous."

I let out a sigh, rubbing my temples with my fingertips. "It's hard."

Peeta scoffed at me again. "You think this is hard? You know what's hard? Seeing the only woman you ever loved look at someone else in a way that she never looked at you. It's hard to wake up alone every day in that house with her smell and her favorite foods in my cupboards. It's hard for me to watch a television show and want to talk about it with her. It's hard to bake her favorite cookies and know she'll never eat them. It's hard to go to sleep and not say I love you to anyone. It's hard to suddenly not have anyone to say it to me."

He turned on his heel and began slowly toward the door. There was nothing I could say. I couldn't defend my actions. I was in love and I had no other recourse other than that. "You didn't just take my wife. You took my world. Don't try and take me out of my son's life too. It's the only piece of her I'll ever have. You got everything else."

* * *

I didn't see Peeta for a while after that. He'd come to the apartment to take Oliver for a day during the times he knew I'd be at work. Katniss said he was looking better than he had been, but she didn't know I knew that was a lie. He was still hurting. Being with Katniss now made me understand his heartbreak, at least in theory. I didn't know what I'd do with myself if she left me. She really was my world. Sure, life would go on, but I want to share it with her. Peeta had no one to share his life with.

Yet, I couldn't pull up enough sympathy for him, which made me feel worse. I felt entitled to Katniss because we loved each other. Surely true love is an excuse to ruin someone's life, right? And was his life ruined? He still had his job, his health, his looks, his family. Hell, even Prim still visited him so he had some of Katniss's family, too. And of course, there was Oliver. None of these things helped me sleep at night.

A month or so later Katniss had gone back to work temporarily and she was needed on an out of town conference for the weekend so I was home with Oliver. Friday and Saturday had gone smoothly; Prim had stayed Friday to Saturday to help me. Saturday night however, Oliver was inconsolable. He wasn't running a fever and he certainly wasn't hungry but he sobbed heartily from deep in his stomach from around seven until eleven at night.

After calling Katniss, Mrs. Everdeen, my mother, Cressida, even Verbena, I finally settled on the last person I thought would or could help me: Peeta. Near tears myself, I heard his voice come through the line. "Peeta it's Johanna, please don't hang up," I said quickly.

His sigh came over the line though I could barely hear it. "Is everything okay?" he asked tiredly. I could almost feel the ennui from my apartment.

"It's Oliver. He just..." I sucked in a deep breath. "He won't stop crying. I can't get him to stop. It's been like four hours. I don't know what to do."

I felt his struggle from where I was. He surely didn't want to help me but he'd feel compelled to because of our son. "Okay. Did you try running the faucet? Sometimes he likes to watch it."

"Trust me I'd have shot him with a hose by now if I thought it would help. Can you just..." I pressed my hand carrying my phone against my head while my other arm rocked the screaming infant. "Can you come over?"

There was a long pause on the line. "Yeah sure. I'll be right over." He hung up and I tossed my phone on the couch and continued cradling Oliver. His little face was all reddened, his eyes squeezed shut. If Peeta couldn't help then I'd have to call the pediatrician and possibly bring him to the hospital. I really didn't want to do that because it seemed like admitting that I wasn't a good parent. What kind of mother can't comfort her baby?

Peeta arrived around twenty minutes later in a pair of sweatpants and a college t-shirt, looking more casual than I'd ever seen him. We went into the nursery and between the two of us sang, read, danced, bounced, and did everything short of shooting the baby with tranquilizers to get him to sleep.

Finnaly after an hour of cooing and outright begging Oliver finally fell asleep, seemingly out of pity for us and exhausted from all our efforts. Peeta and I collapsed on the floor in the nursery and I handed him a beer. I leaned my glass near his and he smiled and clinked it against mine.

"Thank you," I said, gulping down half the bottle in one swig. "I don't know what I would've done without you here."

Peeta drank his beer and shrugged his shoulders. "You would've been fine. You're good with him."

"Not like you are," I commented back, sipping the beverage. Peeta's inner ability to calm everyone seemed to resonate particularly well with Oliver. I was jealous but tonight mostly thankful.

We we drank a few more beers, both of catching a nice buzz as Oliver slept soundly in the room "My big fear," Peeta began, setting his fifth beer down on the floor, "was not her leaving me. It was us ending up like my parents. Hating each other and being manipulative and emotionally distant. I'm glad it didn't come to that."

I shook my head. "I don't think it would have. You know she loves you. It's not like I walked in and we just went to bed. We tried to stop because she loves you."

"Honestly Jo, I don't wanna hear it. I'm glad she's happy. That's about all I can be." He leaned his head back, running his fingers through his hair. I didn't know why I felt like I needed his approval. Probably because I was the reason he was unhappy and I wanted to fix him.

We sat in the quiet, listening to the high whistle of Oliver's breathing in the crib near us. "Are we ever gonna be okay?"

Peeta let a stream of air out of his lips. He seemed to be deep in thought, staring at the painted wall opposite where we we were sitting. "Why didn't you let me name him?"

"What?" I didn't know if it was the liquor or Peeta but I didn't even understand him.

"Oliver. You guys didn't even tell me." He sounded so defeated and betrayed I couldn't stop the pity in my eyes. We hadn't told him until just before he was born.

"I don't know. I felt like I was entitled to something I guess. Katniss wanted to tell you but I was a real asshole. It's just... He's not my kid you know? Katniss and I aren't married, he doesn't have my genes... I wanted a connection." I took his hand in mine, evidently feeling tactile in my somewhat drunk state. "I'm really fucking sorry."

I leaned my head on his shoulder and we again let a soft silence fill the room. He waited a long time before speaking that I had almost fallen asleep. "I think down the road we'll be okay. It's going to take me a while though. Just hearing her name still breaks my heart." He mused on that thought for another few beats. "I don't think I'll ever stop loving her. But maybe somewhere...maybe in the future, I'll fall out of love. Because even though she cheated... I'd still take her back." He softly laughed. "She has no idea. The effect she can have."

"I know. I'd take her back too."

* * *

I awoke slowly to the sound of gentle humming. Sunlight was coming through the window and I was acutely aware of the heat of another body and the pain in my neck. When my eyes adjusted for the light I realized I was sleeping on Peeta, who was waking as slowly as I was.

Katniss was sitting in the rocking chair with a blanket over her shoulder feeding Oliver. "You're both finally awake. I thought I'd have to get a ship's horn."

Peeta stood up and rubbed his chin, a very thin layer of stubble scratching against his hand. He held out his hands and I grabbed them, pulling myself off the floor. Katniss watched us quizzically but said nothing.

Peeta glanced at his quartz watch and let out a yawn. "Well I've got a bunch of laundry to do so I'll get out of here." He gave Katniss a wave and left the room and I followed him to the door.

"Thanks again for last night," I said to his turned back. He turned around and smiled, reaching for the knob and letting himself out. I closed the door behind him. As I turned around I saw Katniss holding a happy and giggling Oliver, both pairs of identical gray eyes staring me down. "What?"

"So you're not going to explain why I found my girlfriend and my ex-husband on the floor in my son's room?" Katniss raised her eyebrow at me and I smirked.

"You had sex with us both. Sex with him produced the baby and the sex with me produced the ex." Katniss strode across the room and pinched my side.

"If I wasn't holding our son you'd be in trouble." I grinned at her and she leaned in, hovering her lips over mine. "But you're in a lot of trouble later." She backed away, carrying the boy over to the couch and sitting down with him on her stomach. She grabbed his tiny hands as he sat up on her and she made him dance. "So Mama, tell Ollie and I what happened."

I smiled and went over to the couch, laying my head on Katniss's shoulder as she played with Oliver. "Well since Mommy wasnt home it was apparently time to scream and cry for four hours straight." Katniss's eyes went wide and I nodded. "I called everyone and he was the only one who could help."

"I'm glad he came. It's important for you guys to get along and I know it's been hard on him."

I cocked my eyebrow at her and got off the couch, moving into the kitchen and preparing myself a coffee. "Reasonable considering you told him you were pregnant and left him the same day." There was a hint of accusation in my tone and Katniss took it like a slap in the face.

"What was I supposed to do? Live with him even though I'm in love with you? That wouldn't have been fair to any of us." Oliver giggled adorably and Katniss smiled at him though the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"I've just been shitty and I've made you shitty to him. I'm exactly the person I don't want to be." I'm a home wrecker and a stubborn asshole. I'm not the mother Oliver deserves. I took my cup and began sipping the piping hot liquid.

Katniss placed Oliver in his play pen and crossed the room toward me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling my hips toward hers. Her thigh pressed against my center and I gasped. She grinned evilly and took my hands, pinning them behind my back with some force.

"I know you don't think so but you are a good person. We made a fucked up decision but that doesn't change that you have a good heart. I wouldn't have fallen for you otherwise. I wouldn't let you near my son." She pressed her lips against mine, sliding her warm tongue across my lips and causing my body to shake. "Not to mention how smart," her mouth moved down my neck, leaving a wet trail of kisses to my earlobe, "and sexy you are."

"Fucking ...Katniss. The baby." My word came out in staccato gasps as she sucked hard on the skin of my shoulder, still aggressively pinning my hands behind me.

"He's gonna take a nap in like ten minutes," she drawled, moving the tip of her tongue from my shoulder back to my lips, pressing her lips against mine harshly and trapping me closer against the sink. "And I told you that you're in trouble."

She let my hands go and ran them through my hair, dragging her nails against my scalp. "What if we wake him?"

Katniss smiled against my mouth, tugging on my lower lip with her teeth. "My mom is coming in fifteen minutes to pick him up. Which is a good thing." Her voice lowered to a rough husk, her hot breath directly against my ear. "Because I plan on making you scream."

* * *

Author's Note: I'm updating from my phone so my apologies if there's some weird typos. Thank you for the amazing responses! Keep 'em coming!

Edit - okay evidently updating from my phone is a bad idea because the chapter isn't showing up. so once more with feeling I'll upload again. :)


	11. The End

The following six months flew by with startling rapidity. Katniss and Peeta finalized their divorce in what the judge called the most "amicable divorce" he'd ever presided over. For obvious reasons Peeta sold the house, moving into a beautiful high-rise apartment near his job complete with a gorgeous nursery/bedroom for Oliver that even I was jealous of. They split custody of Oliver, who was growing about five inches per second. I swear he's going to be six feet tall by first grade. Finnick and Annie got married in a wedding by the sea, a day I don't think anyone saw coming or would forget.

Christmas came and went, my apartment filled to the brim with books and toys for Oliver. Soon Katniss and I began the bizarre task of planning a one-year-old's birthday party. Oliver could say Mama and Mommy and Daddy, along with what I think is supposed to be "milk" and about three other words, and _somehow_ Katniss was certain of all the things "he" wanted for his party.

Parties for kids under like three are essentially just parties for adults with juice and cake and no booze. We used the back of Finnick's house with the giant yard, setting up a face painting booth and a ball pit and other bacteria growing facilities for the kids. All three of our families were invited, as well as some of our colleagues and friends, making it almost as large as Finnick's son's event. Peeta's brothers all came and, well, it became very obvious why he had nothing to do with them. The eldest, Rex, was a pompous man with Peeta's looks on a giant body builder physique. He spent most of the day flirting with just about every woman there, including myself.

He was holding Oliver near the punch bowl, engaging me in a conversation about protein or something else I held no interest in. He switched gears and smiled at me. "I can't even believe this kid is real. You know, a guy's wife leaves him for a woman you assume his junk doesn't work, right?"

At first I wasn't sure I had heard him right. Surely someone wouldn't engage a stranger in a conversation about someone's penis. My fists clenched at my sides. His comment was offensive on several levels: it offended Peeta, it offended me, and most damningly it insulted Katniss. No one insulted Katniss in front of me. Somehow this man didn't know who I was, otherwise hopefully we would have known better. All I could manage was a "Is that so?" through clenched teeth.

He nodded, bouncing Oliver on one of his overly muscled arms. "And what kinda man lets his wife walk off with a _woman_? A little pussy like Peeta, that's who." He was leaning toward me as if we were sharing a secret. Instead I was thinking of all the ways to choke him without hurting my son.

In the last six months the relationship between Katniss, Peeta and I had come to a relatively peaceful place. We made sure not to exclude him from decisions, even taking a week's vacation to the beach so he could have some time alone with Ollie. Katniss called him every day when we were away but it was working out well.

So to have this asshole acting as if someone's sexuality moving across the Kinsey scale was somehow Peeta's fault made me want to clock him in the jaw. He began tossing Oliver in the air, producing a few giggles from my traitorous son. However, Oliver had just eaten some juice and baby wheat puffs and I _really_ meant to tell him the tossing would be a bad idea.

I didn't. And like a champ Oliver spit up all over the man's face and shirt, coating him in a light orange spew. I took Oliver from him, wiping his mouth with a bib I had in my pocket. "Oh I'm _so_ sorry. He just ate. Katniss!" I called for my girlfriend, who excused herself from her conversation and came over. "Honey could you help Rex clean his shirt?"

My overly kind tone made her look at me warily and I tried to let her know through eye contact that I hated this guy. I leaned in and kissed her sweetly, leaning into her ear. "This guy's a fucking asshole." I smiled at her and walked away with Oliver in my arms.

* * *

The rest of the party went well. Peeta's parents were just as horrendous as he had described, not even attempting to be civil the entire day. They spent most of the day apart, gathering different groups of people to trash talk the other. I think if I were Peeta I never would've married at all; if that's the example he had, then how would he know that marriages worked?

The end of day came quickly for us and Oliver was sound asleep in his car seat as we sat on a picnic bench outside Finnick's house. Jack was asleep in the grass at our feet, Annie sitting cross-legged next to him. Katniss was in the car in the backseat with Oliver, exhausted from the day's work. Peeta handed me a beer and took one for himself. "My brother told me Ollie puked on him."

I snickered and nodded. "If Oliver could've understood what he was saying he might have done it twice as hard." I tipped the beverage back into my mouth and sighed, looking out in to the lawn. "Can I ask you something?"

"If it's about my brothers, then no." I shook my head and he held out his hand. "Then by all means go ahead."

I sucked in a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut. "I want to ask Katniss to marry me." I opened them and saw Finnick look between us, wide-eyed. I had been planning on proposing for months but the timing never seemed right. I wanted Peeta to be okay with it. I needed his approval.

From the placid look on his face, it was not likely. "That's not a question," he replied neutrally.

I sighed. "I wanted to see if it was okay with you." It was a lot to ask. A year had gone by though and things felt like they were as normal as they'd ever be. Peeta was staring into his beer, swirling the carbonated drink around.

He looked at me wearily. "You don't need my permission. You're both adults."

I firmed my lips in a line. "I want your blessing."

A long silence punctuated by the sound of actual crickets in the yard fell between the five of us. "I'm sorry." He stood up, placing the half finished beer on the table. "I can't." Hands in the pockets of his dockers he walked across the lawn and disappeared down their driveway to his car.

I exhaled a loud breath, placing my unfinished drink next to his. I bit the inside of my cheek, looking between Finnick and Annie. "He'll come around," Annie assured me with a smile. I admired her steadfast optimism but I was really doubtful.

I smiled. "No he won't. I wouldn't." My eyes went to Finnick, who seemed to be looking everywhere except me. "Would you?"

He ruffled his blond hair and looked at Annie. "As Peeta's best friend, I can tell you that yeah, I think eventually come around. He won't want to be there, but he'll be okay. But also as his best friend I have to tell you that the wounds you caused him will take longer than just a year to heal. And if they don't, well, I won't blame him."

I stood up from the picnic table and thanked them again for their hospitality and their work. I could feel the lump in my throat growing and I really didn't want to cry in front of Annie and Finnick. I made my way to the car and settled in the driver's seat, wiping a stray tear that had escaped my eye. I glanced at Katniss in the rear view mirror. She must've felt my eyes because she opened hers sleepily and smiled at me.

"Everything okay?" Her voice, rough with sleep, made me smile in spite of myself. I was certain more than anything that I wanted to hear that voice every morning for the rest of my life.

"Yeah baby girl," I said quietly with a smile forced on my lips. "Everything's roses."

* * *

I put the thought of proposing on the back burner. I had already picked out a ring with Cressida and carried it with me at almost all times. It had hurt my heart that Peeta had said no but he was within his right. And of course, we _were_ adults and I could just ask her anyway. But it wouldn't feel right if Oliver's father didn't want his moms to be married. It didn't set a good tone for our marriage. However, I couldn't stop thinking of Hank and Michelle. What if _they_ had waited? The compelling thought of wanting to start our lives as soon as possible began to override my need for Peeta's approval.

We didn't celebrate any kind of anniversary because it felt a little inappropriate. The months after we began dating seemed to all bleed together anyway with Katniss's pregnancy and Oliver's birth. Besides, what did anniversaries really mean when you knew you were spending your life in the same place? It was around a year to the day we had begun dating after she separated from Peeta when I was sitting on my couch, lounging in my sweats with Cressida.

A woman in a wedding dress came on the screen, advertising some kind of dress boutique and I changed the channels with a grunt. "What are you bloody waiting for?" Cressida asked, pointing her slice of pizza toward the ring I was moving around in my fingers.

I looked at her and rolled my eyes. "It feels wrong."

Cressida looked at me sympathetically and took my hand in hers. "Darling, I've never seen you more in love. And as I've gotten to know your girl, I think the same can be said for her. I'll never say that you should've been a part of her marriage failing, but a lot of happiness has come out of this. Ollie has three devoted parents, three sets of grandparents, and a wonderful network of support including yours truly." She grinned. "Peeta has had a lot of time to come to terms with his marriage ending. And while it's understandable that he can't accept his ex wife marrying someone else, to wait on him is bloody idiotic. He may never be okay with it. But you are, _she_ is, and I think Ollie would want you to make his mother an honest woman again."

Her logic made sense. I was still carrying around a lot of guilt and I felt like I owed it to Peeta to keep it with me always. But none of us were going to move on if I was waiting on him to make a move. It was my life too. I looked at my friend and smiled. "You're right. I love her, C."

She rolled her eyes. "I know. You're fucking obnoxious about it." She snatched the remote from me and flipped through the channels, giving me a smile as she looked at me out of the corner of her eyes.

* * *

With Oliver at my mother's house, Katniss and I had a night to ourselves. I arranged for us to have dinner on the same boat we had gone on our first real date. I sat against the kitchen sink, waiting anxiously for her to finally get ready. The ring was firmly planted in my bra, pressing against my breast. I had chosen a slinky black dress with a pair of strappy heels, my hair done up with some fringe hanging down by my face.

But Katniss. She was a revelation. Her hair was down in soft curls, bouncing on and passed her shoulders. Her dress was form hugging and a deep burgundy, accentuating her curves in every place. My breath was literally held in my throat as she came into the kitchen.

"My god," I said breathlessly. "You are..." My vocabulary failed me horribly as I looked into her eyes. She looked more than beautiful. She looked like every sunrise I'd ever seen. She looked like the reason the particles in the universe came together to create life. "I am the luckiest person who has ever walked this earth."

Katniss blushed, wrapping her arms around me. "Far from it."

I kissed her gently, trying not to smudge her lipstick. Instead the colors got mixed, but I didn't mind. The night was going to be amazing no matter what color we were wearing. This incredible creature was going to be my wife. I was going to wake up to those dazzling diamond eyes, go to sleep with the feeling of her kiss on my lips. I was going to take her hand in mine and twirl our wedding band around her finger.

_Mine_. Forever.

* * *

I replayed a thousand times in my brain, as groggy as I was, how the night could have gone differently. If we had left a minute later, if we had stopped for gas, if we had chosen another reservation. In my sloshed up dreams we got to the ship, danced on the deck, and I proposed to her with a million stars reflecting in her eyes. She said yes and fireworks exploded overheard and glasses of champagne clinked in celebration.

Instead I was flat against a hospital bed, hooked up to a machine that beeped with every pulse of my heart. The other driver had emerged out of nowhere. Just as we had crossed the intersection and then my memory was blank. The last thing I saw was the bright white flash of headlights.

I awoke a few times, disoriented and pretty upset. Katniss was there, telling me to relax and that everything was okay. Her eyes were bloodshot and her makeup, her pretty makeup, ruined by tears. Each time I was lulled back to sleep by the morphling drip in my veins. When I finally emerged from that fog, I was alone. I scanned the room which was filled with flowers. How had they gotten flowers so quickly? Or, more pressing, how long was I asleep? When my eyes adjusted to the light I realized Peeta was in the chair next to my bed.

"How long have I been out?" I asked him, snapping his attention to me. He said something about taking it easy but I shook my head. Everything sounded like it was underwater but I needed to know. "How long?"

"Just a day and a half. You've been coming in and out of it." He looked exhausted. I'm sure I looked no better but I couldn't see myself. Had he been sleeping in that chair? The bags under his eyes were so large I thought it had been _living _in that chair. "The doctors weren't sure you'd make it. Everyone else seemed sure, though."

"Katniss?"

He smiled. "She's fine. Shaken up and inconsolable since you couldn't stay awake but fine. And guilty." She had been driving. I should've driven. But then she might have taken the impact. I guess it was okay. She wasn't hurt, our baby was okay, so all in all a tragedy was averted. "She had to beg the doctors to let her stay here. She's been sleeping in the chair next to you." He paused. "Your uh, friend, Nurse Finch? She somehow arranged for Katniss to be able to stay even though you guys aren't legally together."

Verbena. When would I stop owing her? Cressida had told me that they had gone out on a few casual dates, so maybe that would work out and we could call it even. But I knew the legal red tape that was involved in what she had done and a bouquet of verbenas was not going to cut it. I ran through Peeta's statement in my head again and my eyes widened. The ring. I wasn't in my dress anymore; I was dressed in one of those horrible paper napkin get-ups they put you in at the doctor's office.

"The ring," I said, looking to Peeta. "My ring. Where are my things?"

Peeta frowned and crossed the room, digging out my purse from a pile of gift baskets. One of them looked like it had a lot of exotic cheese. I was eager to try that one. Peeta handed the bag to me and put his hands in his pockets. "The ring is in there," he said. I looked at him, furrowing my brow in confusion. "Katniss saw it."

"What?" I leaned my head back against the pillow, closing my eyes to try and will my tears away. I didn't want to cry. There was no reason to cry. I could've died, so the fact that Katniss knew I had an engagement ring in my bra wasn't the end of the world. I sighed. "She doesn't like surprises anyway."

Peeta pulled the chair next to the bed and clasped his hands, stretching them out next to me. "You have my blessing."

"Huh?" I was busy rummaging through my purse and between that distraction and the drugs, I wasn't sure I had heard him properly.

He took my hand and held it between both of his. "I want to be selfish. I want to tell you that you can't have her. I don't want you to get married because that means that my time with her is truly over." I bit my lip, swallowing down the toxic combination of anger and sadness that welled inside me. "But when she called me after the accident, she was broken. I've never heard her like that. She was so lost without you. How can I sit here and try and stop this from happening? It's already happened. It doesn't do me a damn bit of good to try and hold on to some shadow. I have to let her go if I'm ever going to move on."

"That ...that means a lot to me." I didn't know what else to say. What do you say to someone giving up on the only person they love? Good luck? A woman came in to my room, tall with bright blue eyes and rosy cheeks, interrupting my sad inner monologue. She looked very confused as she saw me in the bed, looking from me to Peeta. The rosiness in her cheeks doubled as she caught a glimpse of him. I looked at Peeta, who seemed just as entranced.

It didn't take a florist to see the buds of attraction. "I'm so sorry, I think I have the wrong room. I've been trying to find the maternity ward for ages. I was hoping I could find someone to help me a-and the door was open..."

I lifted my hand. "Oh it's no worry. My cousin Peeta here," I said, clarifying our relationship so she knew there was nothing going on, "was just trying to cheer me up. But uh, I think I'd like to take a nap. Perhaps you could help her out, cuz?"

For a split second he looked startled but he stood up, taking his jacket off the chair and running his fingers through his hair. "Oh sure. I'll see you tomorrow." He looked up at the girl, giving her a smile. "I know where the maternity ward is. It can be kind of confusing if you don't follow the storks." He went around the foot of my bed and motioned for her to walk first, his arm coming up in a friendly manner behind her to guide her out the door.

A few minutes later Katniss came in, her makeup scrubbed off her face and she was changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater. Our eyes met and hers immediately filled with tears as she rushed toward me. "You're awake! Did you tell the doctors? Where's Peeta? Why didn't he text me? How are you feeling?"

"Slow down there partner," I said, lifting up my arm and cupping her face with my hand. "I'm awake. I didn't call the doctor yet. Peeta just left the room for a moment. He didn't text you because we had a little chat. I'm feeling much better but still like I got eaten by a dinosaur."

Katniss laughed a relieved laugh and got on the edge of my bed. I hadn't really assessed my injuries but it seemed like just a lot of bruising. My head was wrapped in some gauze so I guess I hit my head, too. I shifted my weight painfully over so she could lay the full length of her body against mine. The feeling of her arms curled around me made any pain I might have been in completely dissipate.

"I'm so sorry baby," Katniss apologized into my hair, kissing my temple.

"It's not your fault." I leaned into her embrace and sighed. "I'm sorry that our night got ruined. But." I dug in my purse and found the ring, holding it up into the light. "I can't exactly get down on one knee but I was hoping this would do." Katniss pulled away from me and smiled, her gray orbs glistening as they stared into mine. "I can't wait another fucking second. Will you please, for the love of all that is holy and unholy, marry me?"

With two tears streaming from her eyes she held her hand out and I slid the ring on, the newly jeweled hand coming up to rest on my face. She pulled us together for a sweet kiss, conveying the emotion I knew she was feeling inside. "Of course I will. Johanna Mason, I want nothing more than to be yours forever."

* * *

It started with a wedding so it's only fitting that it ends with a wedding.

Even though I spent a lot of time at various weddings, I never really got into the spirit. It always seemed to over-the-top and unnecessary, people needing to declare their love with swan ice sculptures and chocolate fountains. To make a wedding perfect all you needed was love, family, flowers, and a whole lotta booze. So we got married on the roof of Cressida's apartment building in lieu of a church, with decorations that my mother and I had fashioned out of flowers. The only traditional part of the wedding we had kept was the flower girl; I couldn't exactly deny Prim the honor.

Neither of us got walked down the aisle. We merely stood in front of the non-denominational priest and said our vows. We had written them ourselves, but I won't bore you with the specifics. Just know that there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Our first kiss as spouses was showered in rose petals and tasted like the vodka we had done shots of to get over our pre-wedding jitters. The sun was setting over the other highrises as my lips met hers in our first kiss as a married couple.

There were no speeches, no grand dances. The music starting playing and the drinks started flowing. Oliver danced on his thick little toddler's legs, held up by Jack who was feeling pretty sturdy at three years old. Finnick whirled Prim around the dance floor just like he had the day we met, when I was fishing Katniss's wedding band out of a punch bowl.

After finally getting Cressida to stop dancing with me, I found my wife near the punch bowl again, swirling around the ladle in the punch bowl. "Whatcha doin'?" I asked, grinning at her. The first time I slipped a ring on her finger I had said the same thing before putting the slimy band back on her hand. My smile fell as she looked at me, totally panicked. "Oh you're not serious. You didn't...not again."

Katniss grinned and produced her hand from her side, showing the gleaming gold band around her finger. "Gotcha!" She threw her arms around my shoulders, lacing her fingers around the back of my neck. "This has been the most incredible day of my life. But I can't wait for this to be over."

I raised my eyebrow at her in disbelief. We had worked really hard on this wedding, taking on all the preparations ourselves. "Really?"

She nodded, leaning down to capture my lips in a kiss that quite literally robbed my lungs of their air. She pulled away, eyes heavy and a smirk on her features. "I want to get started on our honeymoon. I want to start the rest of our lives."

"Oh do you now?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her waist and holding her tightly to me. Without much thought we began swaying to the music. I placed my head on her shoulder and breathed in her scent. "Why is that, Mrs. Mason?"

"Because, Mrs. Mason." She pulled away from me and cupped the sides of my face, giving me that stare that makes me feel like the only person on the planet. "Remember when I thought you and I had met before?" I nodded, remembering the night they had brought me over for dinner. _I'd have sought you out in every life_. "I can't shake that feeling. And it feels like I'm finally getting to live the life that all my other lives wanted to live and didn't. I'm finally with the person I was meant for. Like my heart is finally rested, you know?"

"I know."

That thing they say about the unstoppable force? It's true. Nothing, not an immovable object, not a powerful wind, not distance, not time, nothing. Nothing can stop it.

* * *

Author's Note: FIN! I was thinking of stretching this into two chapters but I thought it wise to just end it here. I'm sorry it moves rather quickly. Does Peeta end up with the blonde woman? Maybe! Who knows? Maybe she helps him move on from Katniss. You can decide yourselves. Does Hec end up with that chick on the plane? Who knows!? It's a rom-com so everyone gets a happy ending!

Thanks for all the reviews and follows and favorites. I'm glad you all enjoyed my little pet project of the Joniss Imagine Me and You!

- T.


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